When will I decide?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Cincinnati, ohio
Posts: 82
When will I decide?
Hi everyone!!!
Having a little trouble and of course I came to you
I love my A and want him to come home (he's not living here right now). He has been sober for almost 3 months and I have had 3 months in Al-Anon. I am scared that if he moves back in, I will forget everything I have learned so far and it will go back to the same old sane old
Not to mention all of my family has said he's not welcome anymore and they will not help me if I need anything, if I take him back. I am scared to death and don't know what to do about it. I keep praying and have not yet felt that I have come up with an answer.
He has stayed 2 weekends with me and my son and it has went pretty well. No fighting or drinking!!! Could that just be the duck with a disquise on?
I am having a very hard time with this decision and welcome anything you have to say.
Thank you in advance
Having a little trouble and of course I came to you
I love my A and want him to come home (he's not living here right now). He has been sober for almost 3 months and I have had 3 months in Al-Anon. I am scared that if he moves back in, I will forget everything I have learned so far and it will go back to the same old sane old
Not to mention all of my family has said he's not welcome anymore and they will not help me if I need anything, if I take him back. I am scared to death and don't know what to do about it. I keep praying and have not yet felt that I have come up with an answer.He has stayed 2 weekends with me and my son and it has went pretty well. No fighting or drinking!!! Could that just be the duck with a disquise on?
I am having a very hard time with this decision and welcome anything you have to say.
Thank you in advance
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Chandra
You say he has stayed sober. Does he go to AA? or have a program in place to stay sober? If not, his odds of remaining sober are not that great. Even with meetings and programs it is still pretty early in his recovery. And are you aure that he has stayed sober? Perhaps he has, but often we just don't know.
Your instinct seems to be telling you it could mean trouble. And you are praying for an answer. Maybe your instinct is giving you that answer.
If the weekend visits are working, that may be a good sign. It is your decision to make but I would give it more time until you are more certain of what you want and what could happen.
You are welcome to share and ask questions here anytime!!
Hugs
You say he has stayed sober. Does he go to AA? or have a program in place to stay sober? If not, his odds of remaining sober are not that great. Even with meetings and programs it is still pretty early in his recovery. And are you aure that he has stayed sober? Perhaps he has, but often we just don't know.
Your instinct seems to be telling you it could mean trouble. And you are praying for an answer. Maybe your instinct is giving you that answer.
If the weekend visits are working, that may be a good sign. It is your decision to make but I would give it more time until you are more certain of what you want and what could happen.
You are welcome to share and ask questions here anytime!!
Hugs
Guest
Posts: n/a
I too think it's too soon. My son can always hold up for 3 to 6 months and then the bottom falls out.
I would say give it more time. A relationship can be bad for his recovery at this time too. The added stress might make it harder for him.
If you're enjoying the weekends, why not leave it that way for right now and see what happens.
Hugs,
MG
I would say give it more time. A relationship can be bad for his recovery at this time too. The added stress might make it harder for him.
If you're enjoying the weekends, why not leave it that way for right now and see what happens.
Hugs,
MG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Cincinnati, ohio
Posts: 82
Yes, he goes to AA and is working on his 6th step, he just did his 5th the other day. Of course I cannot say 100% he's not drinking, I am not with him all the time. I have not seen any signs myself and if he's lying about it, then he's the one who has to live with that lie right now, not me.
He says it's to stressful when he's not here with me and if he's home it would be better on him...quack quack quack etc. etc. <img border="0" alt="[Rat]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/anirat.gif" />
It has been a good weekend so far (it's Sunday 8:12am now) We will see how it goes when he has to go tonight
Thanks for the replys
He says it's to stressful when he's not here with me and if he's home it would be better on him...quack quack quack etc. etc. <img border="0" alt="[Rat]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/anirat.gif" />
It has been a good weekend so far (it's Sunday 8:12am now) We will see how it goes when he has to go tonight
Thanks for the replys
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Consider also that it WILL be harder to work your program with him there...my suggestion?? Stay with the weekends and give yourselves both more time. <img border="0" alt="[Coffee]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/coffee.gif" />
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
Hi Chandra
I'm with the others on this one. Since the weekends are working for YOU why not stay with that for awhile. Of course it'll be easier on him isn't that what they're always looking for. (what's easier for them).
Love,
Galnva
I'm with the others on this one. Since the weekends are working for YOU why not stay with that for awhile. Of course it'll be easier on him isn't that what they're always looking for. (what's easier for them).
Love,
Galnva
Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Posts: 4
Hi Chandra,
I have a little experience in this particular field so I say if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, etc. You know what I mean. I took my Hubby back after 2 months because it all seemed to be going so well. Guess what, it wasn't. I just wasn't there 24 hours a day to know for sure and I trusted him (again). I am not saying that this is the exact case for you. You say he is actually working on his steps. That is way more than mine was doing but he did claim to be clean and sober. I have regretted the decision almost every day since I let him come back. I used my family to help me make him leave the first time and I just can't seem to tell them the whole truth, that nothing changed at all. Be careful. Like everyone has said, stay with the pleasant weekends for a while. If he is really screwing up you will figure it out after awhile. Just don't rush it like I did. You may regret it.
I have a little experience in this particular field so I say if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, etc. You know what I mean. I took my Hubby back after 2 months because it all seemed to be going so well. Guess what, it wasn't. I just wasn't there 24 hours a day to know for sure and I trusted him (again). I am not saying that this is the exact case for you. You say he is actually working on his steps. That is way more than mine was doing but he did claim to be clean and sober. I have regretted the decision almost every day since I let him come back. I used my family to help me make him leave the first time and I just can't seem to tell them the whole truth, that nothing changed at all. Be careful. Like everyone has said, stay with the pleasant weekends for a while. If he is really screwing up you will figure it out after awhile. Just don't rush it like I did. You may regret it.
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