unchartedxo

65 days... It had been 65 days since I had a single drop of alcohol... and then Christmas happened. and I had one glass of wine. and then over the past 12 days or so I was "in control" of my drinking... having only 1-3 drinks, not drinking alone blah blah blah...

and then yesterday.

I had two beers with lunch. and then stopped on the way home to get a six pack so I could have "a couple more" later in the night. which ended up being gone by 9pm, which is when the rest of my bottle of Moscato (sp?) in the fridge started looking good. Only one glass was gone from that and I finished it by 10:30.

AND. I. FEEL. TERRIBLE. TODAY.

Light headed, weak, shaky, heart wants to jump out of my chest. hungover like crazy. but what hurts the most? my pride I am soooooooooooooo mad and sad with myself. Why am I so weak???

FreeOwl

it happens... it has probably happened to EVERYONE here. I know it's happened to me.

Time to reframe; you're not weak... you're CONSISTENT!!!



So, you decided to go do a little more 'field research' and guess what you've confirmed?

Your life is better sober.

Today you can step forward knowing a little more deeply than ever before, you want to live the sober path.

ClearMind

Don't worry about it unchartered. It happens. None of us on this forum is invincible, so the best thing you can do is get back on your horse and keep going. Think of it as a minor setback and learn from the experience. Did you really have fun drinking? I find that helps. The past few years, any time I've drank alcohol, I focused on just how much "fun" I was having as I was drinking, and the fact is I had none. It is so much more enjoyable to be sober.. it's just a matter of getting out of the terrible alcohol routine that was my problem. Good luck though!

Tang

Use it as a learning experience. Not drinking is a binary operation for us. We either are in 100% or out 100%. There is no 10%. I'm like you and have had the same identical pattern you just described.

doggonecarl

So, I am curious. In the course of those 65 days of sobriety, did you convince yourself that you weren't an alcoholic and that you could control your drinking?

If so, perhaps the relapse will serve as a lesson learned. You can't drink. EVER.

unchartedxo

I don't think so... I know I have a problem controlling my drinking. It's consistently inconsistent every time I drink if I will stick with my few or get ridiculously drunk. I think I just got tired of fighting it... the temptations to drink... and just decided to drink.

and I am suffering for it. Today is the worse I have EVER felt after drinking. This is a hangover x10 for me... I am so sick to my stomach, my head aches and I feel like I can't focus. I am so down on myself too.... which isn't helping me at all

SoberChristmas

Don't be down on yourself. It happens!
Just go from today as Day 1 of your sobriety!

Hawkeye13

Check out "kindling" which is how your withdrawals get worse and worse--I very nearly needed the hospital last time I drank.

You may be having some similar issues, but I'm not a doctor so cannot assume that. I do know my last hangover will be my last due to its severity.

Threshold

Sounds like your body definitely doesn't want you to drink again. EVER.

FreeOwl

I'd never heard of this "kindling" phenomenon. Here is an interesting and very informative article about it;

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...22-1/25-34.pdf

unchartedxo

My questions is: how do you differentiate a hangover from withdrawals... I have never been a consistent drinker... I don't drink often, I just ofter drink too much when I do drink... So I would have hangovers 1-2 times a month or every other month or so... that's my pattern. So I always equated the day after as a hangover... today feels like a bad bad bad hangover... but what if it IS withdrawals?

PurpleKnight

I think the more relapses you have, the more blurred the line between hangover and withdrawal becomes, either way they both can be awfull!!

The more important thing though is to figure out how to keep pushing foward and tweak your lifestyle a little more to achieve permanent Sobriety, it can be done!!

KateL

It was just a blip. Just start over. It is a learning curve, I reckon xxx be well xxx

Taking5

There is no difference. A hangover *IS* alcohol withdrawal. If you keep drinking like I did those "hangovers" will last 5 days and put you in the hospital to save your life.

heath480

If you are worried about how you feel please seek medical advice.

The danger of withdrawing from Alcohol mustn't be underestimated.

You need never feel like this again if you commit to sobriety.If you are trying to control your drinking the withdrawals will get worse.

I wish you well

Toffee1

Your story is not uncommon. Personally after I had a period of sobriety and then began controlled drinking , it always escalated in a similar pattern to you ie one drink here and there turns into two drinks every other night turns into a bottle every day and so on. Like you I also became fed up of this never ending cycle.i have had some cravings recently but this time I am determined to give sobriety a real chance. You will only fail when you give up. All the best

dwtbd

No matter what name you give to the way you are feeling, do you want to do it again? If I were to ever drink again, I know I could not guarantee that I would not end up feeling like the way you describe. I know I don't want to feel like that one more time , let alone hundreds of more times , so I decided to guarantee I never have to risk that again.
What is your plan about future alcohol use?

unchartedxo

I guess my plan is to be a non-drinker. But I said that 77 days ago and messed up again.

Does anyone else find themselves getting sick and TIRED of fighting the temptations? I mean... Feb will be hard. I am getting married. in a brewery. with a 10 line craft beer line. and I AM A BEER GIRL through and through.

I just get so tired oh fighting it sometimes.

The hangover symptoms subsided a few hours ago but my ego is still badly bruised :-/

Sundays for some reason are always the hardest for me to NOT day drink. I get out of church and immediately think lunch and a beer. ugh.

GreekGuy

Church and Beer? Interesting... You adorable. Fighting temptation is annoying, but slapping temptation down is fun...? NO? Giving up is giving in, and that is what is controlling you, and me, and a lot of others. So try to think of it as not fighting temptation but as punching it. Does that make any sense or am I disillusioned? LOL

The one thing I never miss is the hangover, the shakes, my friends helping me. I want to help them.

Be strong...

Michael

dwtbd

I don't know if you messed up, or just didn't follow the plan. I'm dumb, I needed a real simple plan, basically 'no matter what I'm not going to drink', the plan is simple, but it wasn't easy to follow especially when I first made it.

Maybe one thing that would help is to look at somethings in a different way. Like you said you are tired of and find it hard to fight the temptation.
To me I see a temptation as like a piece of cake I know I shouldn't eat before dinner kind of thing, something not good to do but in the long run not that terrible either. If I eat the cake it's empty calories and a pissed wife for not fully respecting her effort at cooking dinner, bad but hey, oops it happened, kiss and make up maybe run in the morning. From your description is sounds like you are treating drinking in the same way. Its like something is telling your thinking that drinking is like eating the cake almost a one- off , if it happens ,well I will deal with it. That kind of thinking wouldn't work for me, it be too easy to let myself minimze the effects of drinking. I have to visualize drinking as a whole other animal from a piece of cake on the counter (a near benign thing). I shouldn't eat rat poison, but I do not have to fight any temptations not to.
Just food for thought, 60+ days is great!, you know you can do it, it's a mindgame from here, and you can win it
wish you well