gabriel01

Well, since I was cut my ABF off and been really "mean" to him. He cabbed to my place and talked. He said he wanted help and his mind went crazy. I told him I can't help him at that time since I'm helping myself. I told him there is only one group of people on earth can help him (AA meetings). He went there and got a sponsor. He has been calling or texting his sponsor everyday and his sponsor takes him to AA meetings everyday now. He told him he should try 90 meetings in 90 days. He also got few phone numbers from few AA meetings. He was at my place to watch the football game today, while I went to the kitchen to make some foods. I saw him sitting on the couch and went thru his phone list and deleted few of his old buddies numbers. And after the game, he took the "big book" to read and wait for his sponsor came to pick him up. I dunno, it seems a good sign, but I'm afraid I will be hurt again if I tried to trust him again. I'm not sure how to detach from love if I want to have a relationship with someone?

Txhelp

His recovery is very early! I tell my rah that his recovery is none of my business.

I cant be the guard against him using. None of us can but we will darn well wear ourselves out trying!

Be cautiously optimistic...maintain seperate households....time will tell.

gabriel01

We don't live together anymore. I don't tell him what to do anymore. I know I have to work on myself, my emotion is pretty much sitting on a plateau status for couple weeks now. I like this calmness stage right now, even I try to avoid exciting and happy feeling too. I have been going to meetings every week and reading melody Beattie books & this forum everyday. I'm just wondering is it the best I cut him off completely to avoid future disappointment.

Lily1918

Whether or not to cut him off is totally up to you. If you decide to stay then know that you might be disappointed. Some people can accept that gamble, other people can't. Its ok either way. Just make sure that you protect your money just in case and don't ever pretend to believe him if he starts lying to you. I really hope he continues to go to meetings. Sending hugs!

Hawkeye13

I think it is too early in his recovery and yours to make yourself vulnerable to this person.


I, personally, would not engage him at this point.
He would need at least 6 months to one year of serious work on
his sobriety before I would even consider being his friend after what
he has put you through.

He needs to do this on his own without relying on you and your emotional support.
You need to focus on your own recovery, which you really cannot do paying so much attention to him.
What if he relapses?
What if he lies
about it to keep you around?
The cycle starts again.

But only you know what is best for you.

Sungrl

Happy New Year!

You say you don't tell him what to do anymore.......you also said you deleted some numbers from his phone you felt he should not need. I would step back a little and let him do what he is going to do. I know this from experience.

hopeful4

As I am seeing for myself, there is a big difference between encouragement and enabling. I have explained to my AH that sometimes just because he needs encouragement I am not in the position to give it. Doesn't that sound so selfish? However there are times I am at work or whatever...sometimes I get sick of thinking about all of it. That is why they have sponsors. I say step back and let him do his thing. Encourage when you can. Get yourself a sponsor and someone to encourage you too. Do not enable, that is when it becomes unhealthy.

Good Luck and God Bless!

atalose

Did you say he deleted old buddies phone numbers or did YOU delete those numbers???

Sungrl

Sorry if I misunderstood and HE deleted them. Still think you need to keep the focus on YOU though.