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Has anyone out there had experience with a child rep? One has just been assigned to our custody case. My stbxh (poly addict) attempted sobriety for the past year, he stopped working his programs and relapsed on Thanksgiving when he was supposed to be with our 3 yr old. He lied for 4 weeks about it and then the truth finally came out when he filed an emergency motion against me. He says it was just alcohol, but then tested positive for one of his drugs of choice - benzo (home screen). I do not want our daughter to go to overnights with him, he has had a seizure in the past, outpatients, inpatient, ER visits. Does anyone have experience with child reps and how they view addicts, how lenient are they? Any experience would be helpful. Thank you all for taking the time to help.

patientlywaitin

I was lucky enough to get out of that when my x refused to participate in mediation. Though the mediator did give me a heads up when it was a possibility. His advice was to make sure that my focus remain on my son. Use facts that you can back up no matter how much you'd like to throw him under the bus. Every advocate is different, just like any judge. Just make sure you stay level headed and appear to want to make the process as easy as possible without subjecting your child to danger. If you come off like you want to alienate your kids father it will be bad for you. There is nothing wrong with asking for mandatory drug/alcohol tests as a part of your response.

I know how difficult this can be. I fought mine for 17mo before winning and to make it more difficult I was asking to move my son out of state so I had to prove not only was I the better parent but that it was better for my kid to move 400mi away.

It can be really stressful. I had to learn how I manage my temper really fast. The best thing I can tell you is to look into your states laws, read up on cases and take lots of notes. I think a lot of the reason I was successful in my case was because I took the time to educate myself and present the judge with lots of facts.

*if you feel your child is in danger you have a right to file for an emergency hearing free of charge because your case is already on file. Let them know what's going on and ask for supervised visits. They shouldn't have a problem giving you that.

Good luck and keep calm, lots of deep breaths on this one!

Ellvk

I have a friend who went through this recently with a not Alcoholic but seriously disturbed ex. She had documented his behavior over many months and shared her journals. She also had friends willing to write letters to the child rep (in her case, custody evaluator). It helped, she ended up with full legal custody. He does get them 5 overnights out of every 14, which sucks. But it's better than the 50/50 he wanted - he really wanted her to have to pay child support bc he doesn't work.

Best to you. Level heads.....

Chantal88

I think what Ellvk wrote has some really good information. In any kind of court case you need to have documentation. Because even if you have the most convincing testimony without documentation, many times the judge can't do anything.

Save emails, and text messages. If you have records of your ex being hospitalized because of the addiction problem, bring them. If you can manage to take pictures of his living conditions that would help as well - does he have a safe place for the child to sleep, does he have enough food to feed your child when he/she stays with him. Has he ever been violent towards you or the child when he's high? If he has, that would make your case much stronger and would likely guarantee you full custody with all the rights.