Camm011

Hi I am new here. I guess I don't even know where to start. My and my Ah of 12 years divorced in 2011. We were on and off again for almost 2 years. But I remained in another state with our 2 daughters while I finished nursing school. As of August we were still together and doing well. But I just recently graduated with my BSN, and was about to move home so we could all be a family. 3 weeks to the move date, he decided that he needed to get his life together, and said that we didn't work, with no notice at all. He lives with his mom and that is where we were all planning on staying till I got my nursing license. Well needless to say I needed to make other arrangements. 2 weeks to move date he admitted he had a girlfriend after she posted it all over facebook. Well needless to say she drinks to and is 23 yrs old. Mind you he is 35. I really wasn't that upset about him having a gf, I mean it was inevitable that eventually he would turn to someone who drank since I was so dead set against it. But I guess I just hoped that this time it would be different. Well any ways fast forward a week, he was suppose to have paid for the trailer to move me and the kids home, as I gave him all the money months before to reserve it etc. Well needless to say 1 week before the move he told me he didn't have the money and I would have to get a trailer on my own. Fine yet another obstacle for me to jump. So I got the trailer, and 2 days before the move he started texting that he loves me, doesn't know why he is doing this please come help him etc. So at this point this isn't the first time he has sent me this crap, and I get frustrated and against my better judgment forward the texts to his new GF, so maybe he will just finally leave me alone. Well needless to say he gets mad. Which I am okay with, but then on the day of the move he starts demanding that I give him this and that which are totally against the divorce decree. well needless to say I disagree and he starts sending me death threats. So I call the cops as soon as I enter the state, and they come out take my statement ask me if I want to press charges I say no, but they have to go talk to him anyways. Well when the cop attempts to talk to him he refuses, which forces the cop to tell me to take out a PPO and send the file to the prosecuting attorneys desk for review of threatening communication charges. Well fast forward a day before the PPO is served on him he sends me a text saying he is going to get an attorney and have me placed in contempt for failing to allow him visitation with the girls. Who are 11 &13 and really don't want to see him if he is drinking. Well then I speak with my attorney in the state which I came from less than a week ago, and she tells me I need to petition the court for custody modification until he goes through a parenting evaluation, or get the judge to agree to supervised visitation since he cannot remain sober. I don't really want to do this because I strongly believe he should be a part of the girl's lives, but I also know what an emotional toll this has taken on them over the years. Well after I file with the judge and the court case is set up, I receive a notice in the mail from a lawyer that he is fighting the PPO I have against him. He has made no contact with our daughters despite the ability to do so before and since our return. But yet he comes up with the money to fight the PPO. I don't get it. Granted he is drinking every night, which again is really none of my business and he has a new GF. So why will he not just want to leave me alone. His family is dead set against me, and has not talked to the girls or me since we returned, which hurts a little, but I am trying to take it in strides. So yesterday we were suppose to go to court on the PPO and at 8 am his lawyer calls to delay. Really I just want this crap over with. I still love him, I will never say that I don't. I even went as far as when the death threats came before I got the PPO stating if and when you decide to get serious help, I will help in anyway possible. Its not that I am not fully well aware that in the end even if he gets sober, there is a serious chance that we wont work out, and that he will end up with someone else. And honestly in the end I am fully okay with that. I just want him sober and alive for when our daughters get older. I want him to be there to walk them down the aisle. And maybe be the dad that I always though he could be for them, but has yet to step up. I would go broke, and have on 2 other attempts at rehab when we were married just to see him get sober and stay that way. Who knows if it will ever happen. With a mom who enables him and lets him live with her completely free, and a now new alcoholic GF 12 years his younger, who knows. It all hurts, and I keep having dreams of him, and am beyond stressed about the whole situation. I have difficulty trying to explain the situation to the girls. And feel like it is somehow my fault even though I know these are his decisions, and until he decides to change there is nothing I can do. I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with all of this. I love him, but I also know that at this point the best thing I can do for him is walk away. let him fall and hope that he reaches where he needs to be to finally get the help he needs. I just feel so alone. He has turned friends, family, and everyone against me. I gave up even trying to explain my actions to any of them anymore. He knows what he has done and no matter how he spins it to the rest of the world. He knows the truth and someday he will have to own his actions, and stop blaming them all on me. I just find after 17 yrs of talking, growing up with him, my entire life moving on even through you know you are doing it for all the right reasons it doesn't make me feel any better or give me any satisfaction at all. Ok sry so long... thanks for listening

Iluvdisney

Hi and welcome, sounds like you have enough to worry about for yourself and your daughters. He seems to have supporters in his corner, I would let them worry about him right now. Get yourself on track, way to go on nursing school!!

soberhawk

Welcome to SR Camm.

I do not know whether you have noticed there is a family section for people affected by alcohol by second hand so to speak.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Sensible of you to get nurse license and be economic independent, that is a good step.

I do not have a clue how the legal system in the us works. I do not know how to do that so it turns out to the girls advantage in the us.

Could be you still love him, but he is not treating you fair – I do hope you see that.

Take care.

least

Welcome to SR!