hurtandbroken

Today will be the first day I go home at 4pm from work to a sober husband. I left yesterday at 4pmon my way to work to a drunk husband with 4 children in his care with in the first our of my working I received some mean text messages picking a fight with me. I did not give in at first but then I figured I had had enough and needed him to know it....so I called him and exchanged in a heated argument with my husband witch led to very a dangerous outcome he got behind the wheel with the 4 kids in the van.....I left work to go home to find an empty house and my heart sank. I waited for them to return and they did....I choose not to show him my fear but let him know he could have harmed the children. I assured him I loved him and let him know I had to return back to work....later I got a humble text stating I'm sorry I have not felt like myself today. I am checking myself into rehab. The tears rolled..... earlier in the day he woke up and began to drink hard 108 proof drinks he snuck a partial shot to my 12 year old daughter and I found this out later and was devastated. he bought more beer for the trip to drop her off with her dad and pick his three girls up from their mother needless to say the trip was a wild one he went though many emotions and was upset about so many things it is like he had a storm brewing with in him....he hit the window busted the case off my cellphone as he yelled at somebody on the other end freaking my children out in the back seat. he continued to drink while we were going down the road like he was drinking soda I was distraught what could I say to a person who had been so violent I just stayed quiet and drove with tears in my eyes and he looked at me and said I am not mad at you or the kids so it is okay.....then turned to the kids and told them it was not their fault it is just he did not like that I did not stand up for my self to the person on the phone. when my daughter was dropped off I felt like my son was horrified to be left alone with us shortly after that we picked his girls up they were in a gas station and I went ahead to get them and they asked is daddy going to be mean can you tell him to be nice. I realized our family is falling apart. I was in a hurry to make it back home to get to work and made it just in time....he seemed fine when I left then it all went crazy....I need help

Mentium

I'm sorry to say it but he sounds an awful long was from recovery. Frankly he sounds dangerous and reckless and a danger to children if he is driving them around drunk - not to mention potentially violent to you.

Frankly if you possibly can I would get out of there and give him an ultimatum. He won't quit or listen unless he really wants to but he might just mess you and your kids up big time while he is heading towards whatever crisis is at the end of all this.

Sorry to be so blunt - but leave.

Threshold

When there are kids involved, they come first.

They need to be in a safe living situation. Did he sign himself into rehab? If he did not then it is up to you to get the kids to a safe place. Frankly I wouldn't bother with ultimatums. Do what must be done, otherwise it's just more time bargaining, posturing etc.

Reality doesn't hit home until reality hits home.

I know there are a million buts, what ifs, but he will, fears, etc etc. But the reality is that these kids lives and well being are in danger, and they MUST be protected the same way that you would protect them from a stranger who was putting them at risk. The fact that it is their father doesn't change anything, it makes the emotional issues more complicated, but the danger is just as real.

Many communities have shelter, counseling and aid for women and kids in a situation such as yours. Start looking for it. Find out if friends and relatives will take the kids. Maybe set up a counseling session with you and your husband to talk, with a mediator, about what has to happen next. Get involved with the family and friends section of this forum.

Huge hugs, and blessings to you. And of course hopes and prayers that this IS the last time, and your husband gets and stays in recovery, and the family heals.

grandma12

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Until he is sober and remains that way you need to protect the kids and yourself. Maybe al-anon could be of some help or do you have someone that you can talk to and that will be willing to help with the kids while you are at work. Prayers and hugs to you.