New to the site, just want to vent.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Fremont, CA
Posts: 4
New to the site, just want to vent.
Hello everyone! I am a 31 year old alcoholic. I have been a heavy blackout every night drinker for 10+ years. I was severely depressed, had major anxiety issues, and HORRIBLE insomnia but good ole alcohol would make those things "go away". About two years ago I had become very ill, basically flu like symptoms (high fever, sweaty, etc). Went to see my doctor so see if I needed any meds to help with my "fever and flu like symptoms". He sent me to have some blood work done to see what might be going on. Well I get a call from him while I was home "sick" and he said basically everything related to my liver functions was off the charts. He asked me how much I drink a night in witch I basically played down how much I really drank, told him like a 12 pack a night. When in reality it was at least a fifth of vodka a night and would chase that down with beer. He promptly told me to stop drinking immediately. So I did. I did it for 28 days the longest since ever! But I never said that I was completely done with alcohol. Big mistake. So on day 28 my wife was very pregnant we a photographer over taking some nice pics of us and had a great time. Well after that my wife the photographer and some of her girlfriends went out to dinner just a girls night out. So i'm at home all alone and I thought hey I've been sober 28 days I can "control" this. So I take a drive to the liquor store grab a 40oz of old English head home and drink away. I actually got quite a good buzz from just that one 40. Girls are still out by the time I finish and I was quite tired so I go to bed. After weeks of sleeping all night at least a good 8hrs I woke up at 4am feeling like ****. That should of been a sign but I dozed off for a few more hrs. Woke up with a slight hangover no big deal. I though to myself "hey I can just drink a 40 and be all good". It was a Sunday and I didn't drink but that daemon had came back... Monday rolls around i'm back at work, had a fairly rough/stressful day. On my way home I see the liquor store and decide to pop in, but this time I buy a pint of Smirnoff. Go home consume that and..... from there on out the cycle began again. Weeks later i'm back up to a fifth a night, back to my old ways. Let's fast forward to 12/22/2013. That's a Sunday. I've been home all day feeling like **** but decided I did not want to drink that day. As the day progressed things began to take a turn really bad. Started to get major shakes at like 3pm which was normal if I didn't have a drink by then. Then by about 5 my chest felt like there was 100lbs sitting on it. I could barely breathe. When I would sit down I would feel like I was going to pass out, I would feel my tongue start to roll back into my throat. I was very scared. All I could was just pace around the living room just to keep me from passing out. Thank god my wife and mother in law had showed up at a little after 6. When they saw how I looked I was yellow and very very pale with bloodshot eyes and uncontrollable shaking they said we are taking you to the emergency room NOW! I HATE hospitals I get sever anxiety when i'm there even if its not even for me. But I was feeling scared for my life and decided to go. Best choice I ever made. While I was there for the first time in my life had told someone other then my wife that I am an alcoholic. It was a weight lifted off me to finally admit to another person what I was. So they hooked me up to a plethora of machines to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack and or anything else. Then they gave me some detox meds through IV as well as aspirin. After an hour and a half the shakes had disappeared, the weight on my chest had subsided. Then they sent me home with a prescription of Librium to take 3 times a day for ten days. That whole ordeal was the worst experience of my life. This time I said to myself and others that I am DONE drinking and will never drink again! So now it's new years eve, we had family over had a night planned of playing board games, some games on the Wii etc. But by this time my depression/anxiety had really gotten bad. But what I had been masking for so many years with alcohol was really starting to rear it's ugly head. I called the hospital and talked to a psychologist for about an hour explaining my mental situations, then he proscribed me Prozac. I've been on it for 5 days now and I know its still really early to get the full benefits of it but I do feel like something has changed. I'm feeling more open. I have real conversations with my wife, and going out in public just doesn't feel so difficult now. I guess time will tell. I'm also on Trazodone to help with my insomnia and it has worked WONDERS. Only side effect is I wake up very groggy/fuzzy but hopefully over time that might subside, I guess we will see. Sorry for the long rant. I have no friends anymore to talk to (I can't blame them). I know there many people with alcoholism out there. All I can say is be really strong. Be open with your family/friends, let them know your situation and what you going through. It will get better! I've been sober for 13 whole days today. I feel like a new person. I am no longer this puffy red faced red blotchy hands monster I was. I feel normal, I look normal. Hell I even shower two times a day now and not two times a month... 
Anyways much love to you all out there and if you took the time to read all of this....Thank you!
-13 day newbborn
Anyways much love to you all out there and if you took the time to read all of this....Thank you!-13 day newbborn
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 4,043
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad that you have decided to quit drinking for good. Also happy that you already are reaping the benefits health and emotion wise.
It seems like you are doing the right things with a doctor's supervision. Glad to have you as part of our community and I hope you continue to come and share.
It seems like you are doing the right things with a doctor's supervision. Glad to have you as part of our community and I hope you continue to come and share.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Once we share with others, it's not that bad (or as bad as we thought). I don't recommend taking an ad out in your Sunday paper. The DT's, withdrawals, anxiety, all will be worse each time you go back to drinking and try to stop. Heard a story today from my nail tech, her husband of 30 years was treated in December 2012 for kidney failure (alcohol induced). He quit drinking for 2 months, went to dialysis, and now is right back to drinking. They gave him six months to live and he can't get a kidney transplant because of his drinking. Very sad........... Make sure you have a plan of recovery to address the reasons you liked numbing yourself with alcohol in the first place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Fremont, CA
Posts: 4
Thank you all for your support! I'm sitting here with a huge smile knowing i'm not alone. I will frequent these forums to possibly give support or even just share my experience. I lost my twenties.. I'm 31 now and am ready to finally enjoy life to the fullest! 
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