Grateful for support groups ... all of them
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 36
Grateful for support groups ... all of them
I've connected with both al-anon and nar-anon, F2F. What a powerful experience! If anyone here is new to their own recovery, THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
I am also grateful for this and other online support groups with whom I have connected. You guys help me stay sane and crisis free.
That said...when my "R"NAAH realized that I was attending meetings, he panicked. Has been behaving strangely ever since. The behavior today is button-pushing. My old behavior would have been to create an hostile situation over "You said you were going to do X and you did Y..."
Yesterday...
Him: I'm wiped out from work. I'm going to hit a meeting and come home. This cold is kicking my a**.
Meeting ends at 8:30 ish. Got home sometime after 1. Musta been with the "R"AG. OK. I have no control over that. As hard as it was, I didn't comment on any of this. Guys, THIS WAS F'N HARD!
Today...
Him: I'm off to work. I'll talk to you later. (Leaves the house with a bundle of clothes under his arm...obviously has plans for later today)
I SO wanted to ask 92 million questions about WHY he had those clothes with him, WHAT his plans were, etc.
Didn't do it. Practically chewed through my tongue to keep myself from asking.
I can't control him, his life or what he does. I can't control him, his life or what he does. I can't control him, his life or what he does.
Is it possible or even likely that presenting behavior that previously would have set me into an emotional tailspin is what's going on here? It kind of feels like it, but I so often doubt my perceptions of reality that I sort of need to ask ... at least for the time being. It was a shock to me that our addicts are threatened by us getting help and support ... I would have thought the opposite ... but not so.
Working hard not to bite...have support in place for today and tomorrow. Trying hard to stay strong!
I am also grateful for this and other online support groups with whom I have connected. You guys help me stay sane and crisis free.
That said...when my "R"NAAH realized that I was attending meetings, he panicked. Has been behaving strangely ever since. The behavior today is button-pushing. My old behavior would have been to create an hostile situation over "You said you were going to do X and you did Y..."
Yesterday...
Him: I'm wiped out from work. I'm going to hit a meeting and come home. This cold is kicking my a**.
Meeting ends at 8:30 ish. Got home sometime after 1. Musta been with the "R"AG. OK. I have no control over that. As hard as it was, I didn't comment on any of this. Guys, THIS WAS F'N HARD!
Today...
Him: I'm off to work. I'll talk to you later. (Leaves the house with a bundle of clothes under his arm...obviously has plans for later today)
I SO wanted to ask 92 million questions about WHY he had those clothes with him, WHAT his plans were, etc.
Didn't do it. Practically chewed through my tongue to keep myself from asking.
I can't control him, his life or what he does. I can't control him, his life or what he does. I can't control him, his life or what he does.
Is it possible or even likely that presenting behavior that previously would have set me into an emotional tailspin is what's going on here? It kind of feels like it, but I so often doubt my perceptions of reality that I sort of need to ask ... at least for the time being. It was a shock to me that our addicts are threatened by us getting help and support ... I would have thought the opposite ... but not so.
Working hard not to bite...have support in place for today and tomorrow. Trying hard to stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
CJ, could it be he fears you will get the support you need to either A) get strong and get the support you need to leave him or B)get the answers to all of his behaviors that he thinks you already haven't figured out?
I applaud your strength to do what you did! I know it must have been really really hard! Proud of you though for taking care of you and not going into the codependency!
It took me a couple months once he got home to stop asking questions or nagging. I have let go and know he has to figure it out for himself. I cannot control if he will do this or not. Yes it is very hard when you are so used to trying to control situations but it is so liberating to not be worrying anymore. It feels good when you start taking care of yourself. You are doing great!
I applaud your strength to do what you did! I know it must have been really really hard! Proud of you though for taking care of you and not going into the codependency!
It took me a couple months once he got home to stop asking questions or nagging. I have let go and know he has to figure it out for himself. I cannot control if he will do this or not. Yes it is very hard when you are so used to trying to control situations but it is so liberating to not be worrying anymore. It feels good when you start taking care of yourself. You are doing great!
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