help please
lesa
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: parkersburg wv
Posts: 157
help please
I have a daughter who is a addict..her soon to be ex husaban d and her a divorcing..I have thetre kids right now state took t hem from t hem ..I know she needs rehab ,,she going at rate she will losse right to them ,,i know what to do to get thru to her..I love my grandkids,,scared he wont let me see them ,,what do i do 
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry. The thing is, you cannot change her. What I would do is communicate to him that you are not responsible for your daughter, you cannot change her and that you hate this. However....you love the kids and do not want to lose your relationship with them. If the state took them away from both of them why would he have a say? Have you spoken with the caseworker or an attorney?
I would get yourself to a support group and counseling. She knows what she could lose. If her addiction is that bad I would say she does not need to have them (I am sorry about that, not trying to hurt you). I will tell you what I heard that resonated with me. When you take away pain and consequences for an addict they do not face the addiction and have no reason to change. It is actually hurting them and their recovery.
I know that is hard to hear and even harder to live out. How painful it has to be to see your own daughter suffer with addiction. However, someone has to advocate for the children and it sounds like that person has been you. It is time for your daughter to choose what she wants out of life and if she needs help to reach out and get it.
Keep posting, you are not alone. We will walk this difficult walk with you. God Bless.
I would get yourself to a support group and counseling. She knows what she could lose. If her addiction is that bad I would say she does not need to have them (I am sorry about that, not trying to hurt you). I will tell you what I heard that resonated with me. When you take away pain and consequences for an addict they do not face the addiction and have no reason to change. It is actually hurting them and their recovery.
I know that is hard to hear and even harder to live out. How painful it has to be to see your own daughter suffer with addiction. However, someone has to advocate for the children and it sounds like that person has been you. It is time for your daughter to choose what she wants out of life and if she needs help to reach out and get it.
Keep posting, you are not alone. We will walk this difficult walk with you. God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It is very heart wrenching to see your own adult child addicted. Add grandchildren to the mix and it is extremely painful.....
Unfortunately, I suspect you've already tried to reason with your daughter. Love can't cure addiction......if it did, none of us would be here because we all love the person affected by addiction in our lives.
Some of us have found that our lives became very out-of-control as we tried to manage the addict's life. Learning how to help myself, get my own life back under control, and let go of trying to control the addict was extremely important to my well being. Learning how to appropriately interact with and support someone struggling with addiction was imperative.
How did I do it? I did it via private counseling, Nar-Anon meetings, and working the program I wished my son would work. It didn't get him clean and sober but it made me a happier, healthier person.
When we take care of ourselves first....things get easier.
You are not alone. There are lots of other mothers & fathers here on SR who understand your feelings of desperation. And many of us are also grandparents who have dealt with the heartache of losing grandchildren as a result of our son's or daughter's addiction. It's not easy.....but it is survivable.
gentle hugs
ke
Unfortunately, I suspect you've already tried to reason with your daughter. Love can't cure addiction......if it did, none of us would be here because we all love the person affected by addiction in our lives.
Some of us have found that our lives became very out-of-control as we tried to manage the addict's life. Learning how to help myself, get my own life back under control, and let go of trying to control the addict was extremely important to my well being. Learning how to appropriately interact with and support someone struggling with addiction was imperative.
How did I do it? I did it via private counseling, Nar-Anon meetings, and working the program I wished my son would work. It didn't get him clean and sober but it made me a happier, healthier person.
When we take care of ourselves first....things get easier.
You are not alone. There are lots of other mothers & fathers here on SR who understand your feelings of desperation. And many of us are also grandparents who have dealt with the heartache of losing grandchildren as a result of our son's or daughter's addiction. It's not easy.....but it is survivable.
gentle hugs
ke
lesa
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: parkersburg wv
Posts: 157
i feell guility
Yesterday my daughter texed said iam sick and scared...all I said go to rehab and night..what if she was asking for help and I didntand that why she went out to use..idk.I haven't heard from her since.I felly gulity..
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