2bhappier

Hi,

Well, I did meet some women at the AA meetings I went to and I sent them messages and we're meeting for coffee tomorrow. I mentioned before I live in a very remote area where there are only 2 meetings a week. It will be a lot of driving for us to meet for coffee tomorrow but I am glad they said yes. If it snows though the coffee meeting will not happen. I think it would be nice sometimes to live in an area with more meetings!

Does anyone know if it is possible to find an on line sponsor? Other than what I am doing so far, I;ve downloaded the AA big book and have been reading it. I did still drink last night. I had 2 glasses of wine. I know that doesn't sound like a ton but I feel bad for drinking at all.

I am tired of feeling bad about myself mostly. I feel like kind of a failure as a person. I am trying to lead a better life without feeling the need to hide myself or lie to make myself feel better (which in turn just makes me feel worse).

Maybe I need a psychologist?

And, I also feel bad about dominating my posts with crap about me.

KateL

You're not dominating with crap. Everyone is here to ask questions or post about their feelings. I donlt really know about online sponsors as I donlt do AA, but I'm sure someone will come along and tell you soon. You're not a bad person at all. Perhaps you should ask your doctor for advice on your worries about mental health xxxx

2bhappier

Kate, what do you do? How do you stay sober?

KateL

Well, it's been a long time so, of course, it's become much easier. The major factor with me was regaining some self esteem and allowing myself to be imperfect. I just do my level best to be a fair person and fill my time with movies, working/writing, eating out when the pennies permit and reading my kindle. I also choose my friends more wisely now. Just a handful suffice. xxxxxx

autan

Your post sound perfectly sane to me, so no you do not need a Psychologist. You will find that you have access to a huge amount of information on the SR website, which will help you start, keep and sustain your sobriety.

I have not been met with a single negative comment, since I started coming here back September. I have had a number of false starts and you will find no judges, partly because they understand exactly what your going through.

I find Youtube to be a good resource for advice on beating the cravings. If you can rid yourself of the desire to drink and accept you cannot drink again, you have cracked it. Sounds simple, but it isnt. Your inner voice (AV) will tell you, your not really an Alcoholic and you just need to take it easy with your drinking.

The fact is your (mine) and everyones AV (Alcoholic Voice), is more influential than anyone on here. It is smart, devious and extremely convincing. My AV takes the **** out of me by telling exactly what I need to hear at the time and then once I start drinking, its gone. Part of my battle and many others battle is accepting this inner voice will convince you, what you need to do is come on here read read read and find out how some of the good guys and gals on here have dealt with it.

Beat you AV and your 90% there to not drinking again IMHO. Good luck and dont be a stranger.

Toffee1

Hi 2b, it will get easier with time. Initially you need to be in the frame of mind where you want to stop. If you want to stop then you will. It may take lots and lots of effort but it is achievable. Take all advice you can and use the stuff that is useful to you. All the best

Anna

You do not need to continue to feel bad about yourself. I hope you decide to stop drinking because that will be the best thing you can do to feel better about yourself. I think your self-esteem will start to increase when you begin to care about yourself.

And, remember that we have lots of good recommendations for reading here and there is always someone around if you want to post.

2bhappier

I do plan to keep going to the meetings and keep trying. Does everyone get sober right away at AA? Should I keep going or just wait until I feel like I have the whatever it takes to completely stop? I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. Thank you.