PlasticInsanity

Does anyone else get panic attacks or a bout of depression after dealing with their alcoholic parent?

I was at my parents yesterday, when I started having a panic attack and I had to literally grab my stuff and run out. My dad was cranking his stereo and I think this stems from a fear I've had since childhood. I've always had a sensitive ear to loud noise (pretty sure he would crank his stereo when I was a baby and it may have damaged my ears), and even now I can't stand fireworks as they're too loud. When he was more of a binge-drinker, he would crank his stereo, and I would be terrified that he was too drunk to think of me, and I'd be in a panic wondering if I was going to go deaf. There was always that fear that I wouldn't be able to get out in time and that'd be it for me.

As my sister tells me, I should probably get my hearing tested.

Kialua

Makes perfect sense to me. I hate loud noises too, my Dad would get mad while drunk and throw things then come looking for me to beat.

ShootingStar1

This sounds like it may be a symptom of post traumatic stress syndrome - PTSD. If when you lived at home, the sound of the cranked up stereo was linked to your father's alcoholism, then hearing loud music may be a trigger for the PTSD. A counselor can help you figure this out - get one who has specific knowledge of PTSD and alcoholism. Your local domestic violence people may be able to direct you to resources.

There is a great book about this called:

In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness y Peter A. Levine

ShootingStar1

kudzujean

Sounds like PTSD to me too. My mother always reacted strongly to loud noises, and I believe it was because of PTSD from living with my active alcoholic father.

EveningRose

I definitely have to fight against sliding into depression. I've found myself back on the board a WHOLE LOT MORE since my dad sent that letter in October. I feel trapped in a no-win situation, where anything I say can and will be used against me, and not saying anything will also be proof against me. Ditto for my mother sending the friend request on facebook.

As to PTSD, it sounds crazy even to me, but I have a similar reaction to what you're describing when people talk a lot--like those who just talk and talk rather than hold actual conversations. I feel like I'm right back in childhood, knowing once my mother starts, I'm going to be pinned down for half an hour or an hour, just listening, listening, listening to her rant and find fault and get on her soapbox, and wax eloquent with all her motherly wisdom she's imparting--never once caring if I have any thoughts, never once considering even THAT I might have any thoughts or anything worth saying.

I also had some unpleasant physical symptoms when I got to boot camp in my early 20s, and to this day, I believe it was essentially PTSD. Having drill sergeants in my face felt like being at home with my dad again. I was sent home on a medical discharge.