Broom

I spent the evening alone and in my apartment. Creeping on Facebook watching all my friends/family posting about all the fun they were having. My separated spouse since April 2013 took my children over to a new "friend" of her's that was having a get together. I did not drink at least.....I do not have anything in my home anymore as I dumped it all out weeks ago. Seems like I'm posting something negative on this site daily....12 days sober now. Get my kids from Noon-7pm today and the only time I feel normal anymore is when I'm around them. I hope everyone on this site had a better New Years Eve than I did. Wallowing in self pity? Sure I am......2013 was BY FAR the worst year of my life and right now I've hit rock bottom. I go to my first ever counseling session this coming Saturday and I can't wait to get everything out of my head and into someone elses. Thank God for my kids because they are the only thing holding me together at this point. Here's to all of us having a Happy 2014!!!

Raider

Oh wow. I'm sorry to read that. My New Years was uneventful but not sad. 2013 was a weird year. Hoping this one will be a little more calm. Have a great time with your kids today. 12 days sober whooooo hoooooo to you big guy!!!!

24hrsAday

congrats on 12 days sober!

HeadLump

New year, new start, new opportunities for a new life, Broom. You're already playing your part by starting it sober. Given the year you've had, that is one brilliant achievement

Have faith, Broom, and the rest will follow

soberclover

Broom....the most important thing you said was that you were sober! That is so awesome considering t he tough time that you are going through!! This was a great, awesome, wonderful accomplishment.....it does get easier....I hated that statement when I first got sober but it is so very true. Good times are ahead

least

Congrats on twelve days sober! Keep on keepin' on.

JaylaaKent

I agree the MOST important thing is you didn't drink. My New Year's was pretty crappy/boring too - and I have to say 2013 was also the worse year of my life. I got divorced (he wanted it not me), moved 4 times, filed bankruptcy, went to detox (you get the picture). I was supposed to go to an AA function on New Year's but I was too depressed to leave my house. I'm not USUALLY an antisocial person, but now at 4 months without alcohol, I sometimes feel like "Why am I doing this?" but I have to say my WORSE day sober is better than my BEST day drinking. Feeling the way you do is probably normal for everything you've been and are going through. I also was divorced when I had small children 14 years ago, with shared custody. Really try to work on yourself while the kids are with the other parent, use the time to recharge (recovery, working out, resting) so that when you are with your little ones you can be at your best.

SeekSobriety

Broom,

Congrats on staying sober, what helped me immensely especial during the first few months, was finding a daily or weekly support group to attend. For me it is/was AA and MA but of course there are other groups out there as well. 2013 was a real tough year for me as well. I hope that things get better for us all.

One other thing I wanted to mention is that depression sometimes gets worse during the first few weeks of Sobriety. The brain has to "detox" and it can take a few weeks before the brain chemistry gets used to living wihout the poisons of alchohol. If you remind yourself that it is normal to feel a little more depressed in the begining of sobriety it might help you realize that it is a temporary feeling. Of course for me I suffer from depression without drinking but it was only until I became clean and sober that I was truly able to work on overcoming my normal day to day depression. Things have gotten better in that department I am happy to report.

I hope that you have a happier and healthier 2014 and beyond.
Enjoy the kids and hopefully soon you will feel better.

Best wishes,
S

Broom

You all are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much for the comments and support! :-)

BikerAcct

Happy New Year Broom! Congrats on staying sober last night. You weren't the only one home alone last night, lots of us were. It's actually probably one of the safer places to be on NYE. After all, why would us professional drunks need to be around all those amateurs?

I was home myself, and right around midnight, if I recall, I was shot out of the sky by lucky shot from a tank in Battlefield 4. Plenty of fun things to do other than being out last night.

doggonecarl

I don't know what it is about New Years. We elevate it to some mystical event, and get bummed when our expectations aren't meant. Sorry you had a bad New Years and a bad year. But do some reflection and find something to be grateful for and cling to that, because despairing of the past is a recovery killer.

Good luck.

Threshold

Hey Broom, congrats on 12 days.

here's a thought...right now things are lousy BUT..this is NOT "life without drinking"...what I mean is the way you feel today is not what sober life is like forever. It's early recovery...it's all over the place messy, rollercoaster of feelings, and crazy thoughts.

But it doesn't stay that way...maybe it's like exams week in school or something...but we keep going and then it gets better. We get relief and we get the thing we were working towards.

We even get more comfortable with the things that seem impossible to get OK with. Like staying hone on NYE...I did, and I was hanging on FB, and I was actually having a good time (granted I don't have people who are drinking posting on my page...you can control what shows up on your newsfeed...very handy option!)

I thought I would never get over my divorce and being away from my kids, but I'm OK with it. And unlike when I was drinking and drugging, I''m not just blotting it out..I am really fine. I work with my life, there are a billion ways for life to be good and I am living one of them.

So...don't let this "ugh" stage convince you "this is life sober"...it's just life sober in early recovery. Have fun with the kiddos!

Opivotal

Celebrate the New Year Broom, make some lasting memories with your beautiful children. Fill your day with positive thoughts and gratefulness. There really is beauty in your life....just look into your children's eyes.

Congratulations on 12 days!

SunriseSky

Congratulations on 12 days sober! I'm sorry you had a difficult 2013 and rough New Year's eve, but I see so much in your post that you can be proud of. First, it's a real accomplishment that one of the 12 days sober was New Year's Eve! This is a tough night for all of us and you made it through the evening without drinking. Second, you made the decision to see a counselor and get help. This shows a healthy perspective and taking positive action to bring change to your life. Third, you still have your kids. I've read so many posts here about people who let things get to the point where they have lost custody of their kids or their kids don't want anything to do with them.

I think it's great that despite all you've been through this year, you can still count at least 3 things you accomplished that represent positive change and hope. Have a Great New Year!

Leana

Well Broom, Let me give you a run down of my New Years Eve.

I spent $33 buying gold bricks to play Candy Crush on Facebook, a game I hate.

I then spent an hour cleaning after my son's 80 pound pit bull (a dog we are watching while he is on assignment in another state), threw up all over our brand new carpet.

After those fun filled activities, I cleaned the bathroom.

And to top off the night, just because it wasn't already filled with fun, I re-cleaned the carpet when said pitbull had diarrhea all over same rug.

Have fun with your kids today. Enjoy every minute. Here's to a better 2014!

JustMeg

Well done on 12 days sober - keep it up and 2014 will be a better year for you. I hope that you feel less alone with the support here on SR, and that you have a lovely day with your children. Best wishes, M.

AussieAlco

Congratulations on 12 days sober.
I also had an uneventful NYE sitting with my cat watching fireworks on tv..
Alot better than wrapping my car around a tree like I did last New Years Eve though.
Good luck

Kat60

Happy New Year Broom and congrats on 12 days!!

Leana, I shouldn't laugh, but that was kinda funny!! My night wasn't quite that exciting!!

I ordered take out, came home, read a bit, cuddled my kitty and was in bed by 11.

I felt a bit sorry for myself a more than a few times... Then I realized that I would feel good this morning and that helped!

I also realized that I didn't do jack shite to prepare an evening for myself "with people" that were not going to be drinking so I spent it alone...

I vowed to put myself out there a bit more in 2014 so I would have some non-drinking activities to indulge in going forward. I tend to isolate (both when drinking and in sobriety) and that isn't good...

My very best to you in the new year Broom and know that you are not alone!! xo

JustMeg

AussieAlco, so glad you had a sober and safe New Year this year Like your avatar a lot! Happy New Year, M.

anyistoomuch

Broom - I'm sorry that this is tough right now. New Years seems to make things seem like they are worse than they are because we all expect so much. It's ok to wallow too - because why pretend? It's ok to wallow, it shows us all the things we need to change.

But - despite how bad this feels now - I hope you can see that you are 100% more on a path to a better life than you were 12 days ago.
Not only have you stopped drinking, but you have set yourself up with therapy - which is the self-care that you need. The better you can care for yourself, the better you can care for your children, and the more chance you can make you life what you want it to be.

Hang in there. Positive vibes coming your way.