lonlyrockstar

i dream of the day i can just wake up and not think about how i'm getting my beer .. For once think about how i'm lucky and thankful for breathing and being alive but no i think about how i'm getting my booze . i just want to wake up feeling good not sick. I'm tired of the sickness. I just want to be normal.

Dee74

If you're like me you drank for years, lonly.
It's gonna take a little time for change to occur - but it will - and does

D

LillianGish

Lonely, I'm sorry you are hurting.

Stay at it, stay sober....and you'll start to feel so much better. I'm four months in and I feel great.

I'll be rooting for you.

Imabuleva

Alcoholism is a heartless b****.

Welcome to SR.

EndGameNYC

Following my three-year relapse, I could no longer function, and nothing short of inpatient detox -- in addition to my alcohol-induced general disability -- would help. Followed by a 28-day rehab. Even then, I still wanted to drink.

It's still pretty amazing to me that I've stayed stopped since August of 2011, in part because my only intention was to get back on my feet following rehab so that I could continue my drinking.

I couldn't do any of it on my own. If that's the case with you, reach out and take as much help as you can get.

rowd44

Do you have support? For example 12 step meetings. This will help. Not sure how long you've been sober, but these thoughts left me around the 90 day mark.

lonlyrockstar

well to be honest i'm not sober right yet .. i'm working on it tho

lonlyrockstar

some how i stumbled on this website . i'm glad i did maybe this will give me the help i need.

Admiral

Right now you are wishing for a better future, but what you must realize is that the future never comes, it is always an illusion, as is the past. All you have is this current moment right now.

I remember years ago when I tried to quit using drugs and drinking, I used to go for long walks and feel frustrated and angry. I wished that I had more sober days, I told myself that when I was a year sober I would feel so much better than I did now... None of that ever happened, I never woke up and thought "Wow, today's the day, I finally did it!". So if none of that ever happened, then what did I achieve in wishing such a time would come? All I got out of it was feelings of regret, restlessness and frustration.

And then when I was sober for a long period of time, the bad times faded away and I began to think that maybe it would be nice to get a six pack, or pick up a sack for the weekend. I would have images of fun times, excitement, joy... Sometimes I found what I was looking for, but only briefly, in the end the only place I found myself was back at square one again.

The two situations are both similar in that they are based in thought, and in a projected future that does not exist. I wish I could be sober, I wish I could have a drink... What about right now? Eckhart Tolle is a modern day spiritual teacher and his books and talks are really helpful, I'd recommend you check his stuff out.

KateL

You will have plenty of support here. Be well xx

Toffee1

Hi and welcome. I believe you can get to that place you want to be. You only have to look around here for people who are at that place. You can really do it. It is not a pipe dream. Why not set yourself a thirty day target and then see how you feel about it. Lots of people take January off the beer why not join them. All the best

hypochondriac

I agree with Admiral on this. I made a lot more 'progress' when I stopped wishing my recovery away and focused on the moment I was experiencing right now. And yeah, at some point I did wake up feeling 'normal', at least where alcohol was concerned. It wasn't the first thing on my mind anyway. Recovery is cumulative but you can't rush the process. I wasted a lot of my first year sober wishing I was over that one year hurdle. Enjoy every moment of it, you only have to do this once and you can learn a lot from the experience x

IOAA2

Hi and welcome to what can be a great period in your life. I was one of those "I'm gunna" stop but had no honest desire as I wanted to drink more than I wanted to get sober so things continued to get worse, mainly me.

Eventually I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and got on the (shutter) AA wagon and after awhile got the wishes you posted above.

Forget it if you don't get honest about YOUR drinking and do the things to not make it a problem as long as we don't pick up the first drink. It takes time depending upon the effort we put into abstaining on a continual basis.

The bottom line is we don't pick up the first drink. PERIOD.
Many have tried "our way" and death and or our misery continued. When we man up for a week or so our lives do get better.

BE WELL

ClearMind

Good luck. It's an amazing thing after you decide that you are officially a non-drinker, you don't have to worry about how you're getting your beer any longer. It's like being released from prison.

Nonsensical

+1

Reboswon

Stick with it Lonely......keep reading and keep busy. Great support here......has helped me heaps. One step at a time

IWillWin

You are not alone. We are all here to help and listen.

A sober life is possible. Best of luck to you and remember you now have access to a community of people who have been there and are willing to help. Keep posting and welcome to the lifeboat!

sicknote

Keep at it! The beginning is only the start. The miracle wont happen if we give up before we find it

SeaScape

hi! this site is very helpful. when you find other people struggling just like you are it can help you find the strength to make a change and seek what ever 'normalcy' is for you. i found myself saying the EXACT same things to my husband, "I just want to be normal."

Django

I have this problem big time. In my head i can see all these different things that could potentially make me happy and i'm just imagining a different life. I've just downloaded a book from him after reading your post. I heard of him but for some reason never checked it out. Thanks for that :-)