Booo

good god in heaven. I am such an idiot. Sharing a lap top on holiday. That lead to an unknown facebook page when I tried to sign I to mine. It seemed innocent enough, the page, but not really. Nothing had been updated since April but I was not very happy with the likes and the photos,

So I went to sign into my mail account then and lo and behold, in the drop down and An unknown email address with a saved password.
Easy enough.
There it all was. This six month affair with a woman just outside this vacation town.
I did not think, when he got home, that I would hit him ( with workmen here) I did not think I would throw shampoos, conditioner, visine, contact solution my fists, snd whoever else is now on the bathroom floor where I pushed him...the room not the floor.
I did not think I would punch him, kick him in the groin, slap him, (the workmen left)
I did not think I would rip the necklace off he got me for Christmas and throw it at him.
I don't know this side of me, it's not been exercised in a long long long time.
He offered no defense, he was wrong "what can I do"
I asked him to write her Right now (to call it off) or go to her right now.

I watched him write the email, admit to being married, delete the account that only seemed to be for her (although there were quite a few more tries in there to other woman) I could not make this up.

He deleted the facebook account associated with the password Swears she does not know his last name.
He gave me passwords to every fb page and email account he has.

If I were her, I would be able to track him down, but by this small locale we are in.

I AM SICK. I AM DESTROYED. Not two weeks ago I stated I did not think I was with a cheater. How how how did this happen?
How does one react now? He has not excuse, he admits he has no excuse. I know nothing about this woman, how they met, I don't even care,
I have been glowing about what a good man he is..and look at this.
I don't know how this is going to go at all.
But maybe th kick I needed.
I said that is IT
One beer and you are GONE
On eff up and you are Gone
Screw the January deadline, all bets are off.
Thank god of this board. I have no idea where to turn.
Do I tell my best friends? He swears none of them know, not here, not home, this could be our secret, but the drinking is a secret too, no wonder I feel my head is exploding.
He ran I to the house, he said he was at the store and the blood left his face and he almost passed out, before getting one text from me, in which I called him every name in the book, he said he knew. He know I had found it. He just knew and came home.
What in the hell do I do now?

readerbaby71

Booo, I am so, so sorry. What a horrible way to find this out. I don't really have any advice to give, but I do understand your pain. The same thing happened to me long ago and it changed me forever. I never thought I was capable of punching someone in the face. Apparently I am when pushed far enough.

Do you go to therapy or counseling of any sort? It would be extremely helpful to you right now. You need someone to talk to. If you want to tell a close friend, you have every right to do so. You don't have to isolate yourself and keep this a secret. You did nothing wrong.

Again, i am so sorry you're in so much pain. It's awful. Sending much love and healing your way. xoxoxo

suki44883

I'm sorry you found this. There's nothing any of us can say that will minimize what you are feeling. You have a right to feel this way. I've been where you are, except the woman called me at work and told me to ask my husband where he had been that afternoon. I know how shocking it is. I know how much it hurts.

What do you want to do now? I mean, other than rip his head clean off his shoulders.

OnawaMiniya

I'm so sorry.

So, so sorry.

You said no one even knows of the drinking.

Unburden yourself.

You do not need to keep up the image of this "man".

Take care of your self, do not keep his dirty secrets inside, bottled up.

Reach out for support.

I wish I had better advice...Or just more advice...but I know the pain you are in is so very raw...and that there are no words I have that will change that...So sending you lots of love and hugs and calm and strength.

You sort out your thoughts, and you do what you need to do.

You are the priority.

YOU.

Peace.

Booo

Well I am home in less thwn a week.he he is here a few days after thwt. How SICK I am thwt all these times we come here he comes I a. Few days early, , it was to set things up for me, but he's been seeing HER
Writing her as recently as two days ago, writing her when one of our dogs was so sick I thought it would not live through the night (she's fine now, thank god) but I have too many dogs to fly home with, and un fished projects here's at the house, which HE is overseeing and is the only one who can. Truly he is the only one who can.
I can take the car and leave him stranded, but I can only take one dog and need to find a hotel who will take one. Everyone is still charging massive holiday rates. I thank god I found this place, I thank GOD. It's the only way I have made it through the last few hours, just knowing yiu were here, and prqcticing detachment before we even got here.
So right now..oh god while we have been sitting her night after night, he's been five feet away from me writing her.
He also had a one night (afternoon) stand at home in October. The emails, they were endless.
I am just beyond thinking straight.
I just want to get home and cry. I am not crying I am too pizzed.
He has been crying, and well he effing should.
Outside of pummeling him. I swear to god thwt ws not the plan, but as soon as I saw him I literally charged him.
Never never never in my life have I done that. He did not even defend himself physically.
Says he knows it has to do with the drink.
Took the risk of loosing eveyrthing
And I effing told him yiu HAVE LOST everything.
Yiu have to earn it back.
I am glad we have more than one bedroom.
Goodby 2013. I have had a lingering feeling for the last mont and the feeling has been
"You have no idea where you will be in a week, physically, mentally, psychically"
I have felt it over and over and over again.
How right I was there.
And what a horrible way to be right.

Excuse the awful typos. I am on the tablet now and I can't see straight enough to type.

MissFixit

i am so sorry. i was there too. the other woman actually had the nerve to tell me to leave him alone. ugh.

nothing is going to help you in this minute except to try to distract yourself or go to bed (its night). i know you are probably spinning. i had panic attacks when i found out and started taking anti-anxiety meds for a while as needed.

tell your good friends when you are ready. right now if you can slow down, maybe take a bath, that won't help but might calm your body.

hugs

OnawaMiniya

He's blaming this on drinking? What does he blame drinking on? Himself is the only correct answer. This isn't excusable because of drinking.

I'm so sorry you are going through this honey...

Man oh man I'm so sorry....

Peace.

readerbaby71

Yeah, it's ********. Whether he drinks or not is irrelevant. He carried on an affair with someone else. He lied, which is not mutually exclusive to alcoholics. What a jerk.

Booo

At least he effing copped to the drinking,,up to three days ago it was "it's just one beer"
That would usually be music to my ears, but eff him. A bit late, eh?

Hawkeye13

Hi Booo;
I'm sending you the biggest hug I can over the internet.
Nothing hurts like that. You did nothing wrong but react to someone who has abused your trust.

I agree you need to talk to someone "face to face" when you get home to help process this.

Please please take care of yourself right now and don't bottle up the pain.

suki44883

Too many people give alcohol too much credit for things like this. Okay, I can almost see how someone who is very drunk might possibly have a one night stand...or more precisely a quickie, but to carry on an affair for months cannot be attributed to alcohol. A quickie is not an affair. It's still wrong, but nothing like an extended affair.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. (((HUGS)))

OnawaMiniya

Oh, honey...I hate to see someone in so much anguish.

His acknowledgement of drinking is meaningless in this scenario in my mind. Sounds like an excuse to me. Sounds like a scared boy backed into a corner and having no one to effing blame but himself.

Hugs, hugs, infinite hugs to you...

Peace.

readerbaby71

Hawkeye's right, don't bottle it up. My problem drinking started 20 years ago when I used alcohol to kill the pain of my longtime BF cheating on me. I wish I would have gone and talked to a professional about it instead of trying to block out the pain and anger. I'm not saying you're going to do this, but talking to someone can't hurt. It will help you heal.

I'm so sorry.

OnawaMiniya

Just for the record, I'm with Hawkeye on that.

For sure.

Peace.

MissFixit

i also used to write letters explaining what i found out to be true vs the lies i was told. i wrote probably a letter (long letter) a day. for months. i did this to help me process what was real and what was not. my ex cheated for 6 months and there were a lot of lies. i remember being scared because i didn't know what or who to believe any longer. my foundation had been broken. i didn't even trust myself and my own judgement since i didn't see it coming.

if you are feeling any of that writing down fact vs fiction might help you to clarify things.

Shirt423

My prayers are with you. Try taking care of yourself and give yourself the time you need to process your feelings. You owe him nothing at all, you don't need to let him know where you stand. There are so many stages of grief you will go through before you truly know what you want to happen. I'm so sorry, I feel there is nothing worse than that kind of premeditated betrayal. Hugs.

NWGRITS

If it was a one-night-stand, ok maybe bad judgment from being drunk. Don't let him get by with an ongoing affair (two, and likely more) with that excuse. In my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater. This isn't the alcohol, it's HIM. This is who he is. He made a great little show of writing the email and deleting the account. I will nominate him for an Oscar. Dollars to donuts he's going to be right back at it with a new email and a new account.

Booo

God you guys are so helpful, thank you thank you. We are so rural right now the on,y thing I have is Internet, no phone. Nothing. He's been up here deleting his email accounts, on he knees for forgiveness. I sm nowhere nest ready to forgive. Excuse me for checking in every few minute. I am beside myself with anger, hate,sadness and as I tod him, he treats me like trash. Like TRASH.
I hit him again (OMG who AM i)
And I asked him to please kept his distance because I do not know who the hell I am tonight.
I really don't
I finally cried and I hated the tears in front of him
However as he is standing here the texts I sent earlier starting come thru on his phone, he really had not gotten them,
he just knew I had found them, he said he blood ran absolute cold at the grocery and he knew.
He knew which made him rush home.
And y et, he has not been ever speaking to me about the spiritual line the I believe very close people have with one and other.
That was an entirely different topic.
Hipow effing DARE you write love letters to someone without talking to me, only feet away from you.
I know it's not me, I know it, I know it's him, but it's so hard not to feel like I have been tossed aside with the garbage.

readerbaby71

Booo, maybe it's best that you stay in one room by yourself and close the door. Tell him you don't want to talk anymore and ignore him. You can talk to him when you're ready. Let him suffer with his own thoughts right now.

HUGS to you.

Booo

I was with that computer for three hours today, and there seemed to be no one else. There were a couple of tries though, women who did not find him interesting.

I found out about the affair thru the emails , he copped to the one afternoon stand.
I saw that email too which simply said, "I had a great time"
I did not bring that one up. I wants to see just what he would cop to.
HOW. I don't know. I was not thinking, I was RAGING.

There were no other replies.

It was this broad with 54 emails, I knew this was an issue.
It was GREAT to see him on his knees.
GREAT.
ABOUT TIME , this lying sack of sh!t.
About time he cried for me
About time.
IT may be too late for us.
But it is MY rock bottom.
This is it.
My god.
For someone who can't find the words, I certainly have a lot of them.