Twinings

Hey all...

Kinda posted a lil the other day in the weekend thread about feeling a bit blah...and i've spoke a bit in the chat about being here at my mums for the holidays but just feel I need to write out how i'm feeling right now.

So I get to go back home tomorrow thankfully... managed the whole time staying sober inc xmas x 2 and several family pub vists, parties etc
So glad I made it through!

My mum and I have a very strained relationship, she is a very odd woman. Manipulative, mentally abusive etc and this is the first xmas we have spent together since I cut contact with her for a few years. It was going ok nothing I couldn't handle til my brother turned up a couple days ago. He is the fav, nice christian boy and i'm the black sheep... I can handle my mum on her own, I can handle my brother on his own... but the two combined is really too much.... too many mind games etc etc.

I really am exhausted of fake smiles, akward situations and not being able to be in control of the situation around me. Thankfully my anxiety has not been too bad and I don't think I feel depressed but I'm thinking maybe this is part of PAWS? I don't think I will be able to tell until I get back home, settled into my normal routine. I'm 30 days sober... but gone through about 12 detox's this year alone, kindling is SUPER bad with me and I've read the worse kindling gets the more likely symptoms of paws can come on. I've also not been sober for any decent time, been on lots of medication over the years and dabbled in other substances so if I don't have PAWS i'd be very surprised.

This week I've slowly become super tired all the time, sleeping well but waking up struggling to remember.. like as if I was waking up from drinking. My brain is struggling to function properly, silly mistakes when talking, reading, adding numbers.... and just wandering off into blankness/no concentration. I've had my bloods done, I'm not deficient in thiamine or anything but I am going to have them checked again asap.

Anyway.. not sure if I posted this for advice, to vent or what... I'm being driven home in the morning but then I have to go to my brothers for new years. I wish I could cancel. I just want to chill at home and regroup.

Dee74

Hi Twinings

I'm not a Dr so I have no idea - but I know being around my family for anymore than a couple of days really gets me down.

I hope you feel better when you get home

D

least

Why don't you see your doctor for a thorough checkup? Best way to put your mind at ease. Some of what you describe does sound like PAWS. See your doctor to make sure.

Twinings

Yeah sorry, should of said, I am gonna see my doc when I can get in and have my bloods rechecked again, probably sometime this week.

I'm in bed with things that have been said today obsessing in my mind. They really do make me feel like i'm a bad person but I know they have always been like this and I think its being compounded by the situation and possible paws.
We'll see.

Thanks tho!

PurpleKnight

Families can be tough!! . . . a good night's sleep and regroup again tomorrow!!

Thepatman

I have a similar experience, I tend to sleep a lot, and sometimes in a fog like mindset. I'll wait for the 6 weeks mark to see if it get's better. My body and my mind is adjusting I think.

Hope you feel better soon

Twinings

Thanks for the replies, I slept well and woke feeling glad I would be going home.
By the time my mum dropped me off I only had a couple of hours before I had to go meet up with my brother again and spent 7 tedious hrs in a pub til the new year came.

I just got back in and I really do love my little bubble and miss my routine.
Ohwell live and learn... next year i'll do the volunteering at the food bank instead of trying to pretend I have a half decent family!

The sleeping thing i'm finding really strange.... I've always had bad insomnia, even as a kid... now I am just falling asleep. could probably nap in the afternoons and am ready for bed by 9pm instead of 4am.

My doc appt is booked for next Tues.

Anna

I'm glad you're seeing your dr. I find that I would be exhausted when around my family, just emotionally drained. I do hope that you feel better and good for you for getting through Christmas sober.

JaylaaKent

Yeah - and they say "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" - riiiiight - not for all. Especially those of us early in recovery. I feel a lot of what you feel Twinings - I'm over 120 days without alcohol - I talked to my dr about what's going on - constantly tweeking the antidepressants. I think I just need to find the right one. Just know you're not alone!

Hawkeye13

Hi Twinings
I'm with you about the family thing. I would be beat for ages after a visit.

I've been having some version of PAWS since my relapse in September.
Mine are brain function things too--memory, making decisions, organizing things, concentration.

The most troubling and biggest issue for me is "losing words" (Aphasia) which I mentioned on another thread.
I cannot recall simple words quickly that I've known all my life at times. Being tired makes it worse.
The example I gave was asking my husband for the "flat pan" (skillet)

I also think these may be kindling-related issues as my detox was really bad
and I was having physical allergy reactions to the alcohol within two weeks of drinking again.

Many are the same as you mention, very tired, waking up confused and really groggy (I usually wake up like turning on a light switch--click and I'm good but not right now).

Around my town, it is unlikely I will find a doctor who knows much beyond basic alcohol protocol. But I'm going to give it a try and see one (I've been a couple of times in 10 years) and see if I can evade the pill-pimping pharma part of the U.S. medical insurance game they all seem to play and get some actual medical advice that is useful.

Well done on making it through the visit sober--this will be your year to shine.
Is you leg fully recovered, by the way?
Take care and Happy New Year!

Tiptree

Having same issues with sleep ( wake up groggy, hard to get out of bed) and brain fog, inability to concentrate. Have 101 days sober. Wish I felt better

Hawkeye13

Hey tiptree--we have the same sobriety date! I'm 101 days today too Happy Sobriety

Tiptree

Hey - same to you Hawkeye. Good to know you are here too. Despite last nite feeling kinda down, I feel great this morning and thankful the holidays are almost over and I'm still sober! Just have to get through pot luck with neighbors this afternoon, should be no problem. Signed up for Belle's (Tired of thinking about drinking) 180 day challenge. If you don't know her blog it's great and has helped me, along with SR. Hope you join me. Seems I need milestones like 100, 180, days, etc.

Happy New Year to you and all my SR peeps!

Twinings

What did the allergy reactions to alcohol feel like? I think I had some of that on my last relapse. I really did make myself ill.

My leg is fine, still not great but i'm doing a lot of cycling which actually helps.

Now i've been back home for a couple of days I feel a lot better emotionally.
The memory, mixing up words and numbers and stuff is still just as bad but least I don't feel so messed up!