ClearMind

I'm just curious to find out when you decided to quit drinking, what you told other people? Myself personally, I have told people that I have decided to quit because I am in sports training and drinking alcohol messes up my routine and sets me back. In the past, I've gone so far as to pretend to be drinking (non-alcoholic wine), because it was too embarrassing for me to tell people I quit drinking because I have a problem with alcohol. Over this past weekend, some family members jokingly (or not so jokingly) said I wasn't fun anymore, since I quit drinking. I don't know. I've "pretended" to drink in the past around these same people, and nobody could tell that I wasn't actually drinking. I get the best of both worlds. I really have no desire to drink, but I don't want to alienate myself from my family either. I feel the sports training response deflects a lot of the questions, but for big events (such as New Year's Eve) it won't cut it - I find the easiest way is to pretend I'm drinking. It might sound a bit twisted, but at the end of the day I haven't drank and everything is okay.

caboblanco

I didn't tell anybody..not even my own mom. When i go to family gatherings i just don't drink and nobody has said anything except my cousins husband. He asked me if I'm off the sauce. I said yes. He is an active alcoholic himself..now every time I talk to him it has to be about recovery and him

reciting AA cliche sayings. I don't worry because nobody believes what that guy says anyway.. I usually drive to these events so to be honest i really can't drink more than a couple drinks anyway..so why bother? that's my excuse if anyone ever cares

zerothehero

Being able to drive legally is a great reason not to drink. There are so many more entertainment options when I can drive.

ClearMind

That's true, I've used the "I'm driving" excuse a few times, nobody really gives it much thought.

zerothehero

Good question, BTW. In the past when I've been sober I always told people I was "on a cleanse," but this time I've decided to make it permanent, and I'm not sure I want to tell people that. I haven't been in public since I quit drinking four days ago. Tomorrow I'm going to a New Year's Eve party. Luckily, half the people there will be sober - some due to alcoholism - some due to other health conditions - but they're used to seeing me buzzed. The adventure begins...

Olive1

If people ask, and most times they don't, I just say 'I don't drink'. If they ask why, I say, 'Meh'. They usually don't persist.

My whole family was around when I crashed, and were very supportive, with some ups and downs, in my recovery.

Anna

Try to remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're drinking or not.

And, if people don't accept 'No, thanks', they're being rude.

ClearMind

While it's true that we don't owe anyone an explanation, I'm doing this for me and not anyone else. I don't really want to cause any awkwardness or anything like that, I just want to blend in I guess. I don't really want to talk about my decision to quit aside from these forums. Thanks for all of your responses, by the way!

jmd003

I just tell them that I just never really feel like drinking anymore. Lost the taste for it. If they insist I tell them to shut up. Politely and jokingly of course. And if they really get pushy, I tell them to really knock it off. It will most likely also be the last time I hang out with those people.

It hasn't happened since my previous relapse, but in the sober time before it, it happened a few times. It was never a problem. Just saying no got accepted. New Year's Eve last year I got a "But it's New Year's Eve, come on. It's tradition." I said I'd rather not and it was fine.

ClearMind

Good point.. I guess the extent to which people care about whether or not we are drinking is overblown. Most people don't care about drinking as much as we do, I guess.

KateL

Don't drink, driving, antibiotics ... mind your own All depends if it's friends or causal acquaintances. I certainly do'don't say much at all if it's someone I hardly know or whom I've just met. It gets easier xxxxx

serious

"what others think of you, is none of your business" -- one of my fav. quotes

i'd rather pretend that i'm drinking, but having club-soda and lime in a rocks glass... than pretend i'm sober and get wasted instead.

flutter

I'm a big believer that you don't owe any explanations, and I'm strongly against the lies like "I'm on a medication" or whatnot. Saying that I no longer drink alcohol to improve my health has never been untruthful, but honestly I have very rarely been asked "why?" after I say "No thanks" or "no thanks, I don't drink". In the 5 years I've been sober, I have never been pressed as to why I don't drink.

PurpleKnight

Technically I didn't really tell anyone, there were no big announcements, or text messages.

Basically every time I came into a social situation where alcohol was being consumed by others, my response was "I'm not drinking today" . . . and now when people say "you never drink anymore" . . . I respond "yeah I'm not drinking today either, mine will be a cranberry juice and lime please"

People just go with it now!!

Carlotta

I just say: "no thank you"
If they say: Are you sure?
I answer: I do not drink
If they were bold enough to ask me why (which no one has had the nerve to do yet) I would just smile sweetly and say: :Well it's really none of your business now, is it?"
The good thing is that because i drank alone, no one in my social circle knows me as a drinker so there is really no noticeable changes.

kcbf

Amen to that. Most of the people I spend time with know I have had a problem anyway and so I am just honest. "I am not drinking because I feel like it was getting to a place where I wasn't in control any longer". There is absolutely no shame in being honest.

TigerLili

People rarely ask me why I'm not drinking. It's usualy more of a '"Not drinking? Nice weather we're having" kind of comment that doesn't need an answer. If the topic comes up, I just say I get migraines from alcohol sometimes so I try to just avoid it. I don't go into any detail and I don't mention I have a problem with alcohol. I don't want to get into a conversaton about why I don't drink so I just fob them off with a polite lie. Why I don't dink is none of their business, but to tell them that would sound abrasive and rude coming from me. I'm not the kind of person who can carry that off and still sound polite.

When I first quit, I was obsessed with what I would say when people asked me why I wasn't drinking, how I could disguise the fact I wasn't drinking etc. It turned out to be a non-issue. No one noticed or cared that I wasn't drinking, and I noticed that a LOT of people don't drink or don't drink much at all.

I started my recovery (including relapses) journey in 2008 and I really count on one hand how many people have asked me why wasn't drinking. It's never been an issue I've needed to worry about, fortunately.

TigerLili

If there was an event approaching where I felt people would pressure me to drink or I would feel uncomfortable not drinking, I just wouldn't go. It's not worth the risk to my sobriety.

I stopped catching up with friends for dinner or drinks and started meeting up for brunch or lunch instead, or suggested ethnic restaurants that don't serve alcohol. Again, no one noticed or cared.

ReadyAtLast

I would not pretend to drink.There is no point-you're only lying to yourself and everyone else. Not drinking is nothing to be ashamed of. I would avoid events if it is a problem for you. Not drinking is a big problem for us in the early days and we think we need to come up with big excuses/reasons etc but most other people don't care whether we drink or not.

Be true to yourself and dont be ashamed of not drinking

Ruby2

My family and closest friends already know that I am an alcoholic and don't drink. Even my extended family knows I am an alcoholic since my parents (who are not alcoholics or even drinkers really) forget that one of the "A"s in AA stands for "anonymous" and discuss the drinking problem with other people - although to be fair, it seems like the people they talk to are also alcoholics who have told my parents and are also in AA.

If I am offered a drink I just tell the person "no thanks" and leave it at that. I haven't really been in a situation where someone persists in forcing a drink on me but if they were I would just tell them that I don't drink. If I know that the situation is going to involve alcohol and is a social get together revolving around alcohol "ladies night out", I don't go. I just passed on a night out with some ladies from my church who were gathering for drinks and conversation before going out to a comedy performance at a place that also serves alcohol.

"Over this past weekend, some family members jokingly (or not so jokingly) said I wasn't fun anymore, since I quit drinking. I don't know. I've "pretended" to drink in the past around these same people...." If it is at all possible and you are newly sober, I would try to steer clear of the people you talk about in the above quote. I wouldn't pretend to drink alcohol. I would find that to be a trigger. Plus, any non-alcoholic beverage like the non alcoholic beers have small amounts of alcohol in them. They are not truly alcohol free.