endlesspatience

Hello everyone and thanks for your responses to my previous threads about what I see as flawed thinking which affects addicts. Here's part three: the idea that we can stop anytime if we want to.

We tell ourselves we can stop any time. Every time we achieve a short period of abstinence - be it a few days, a few weeks or even months or years - we conclude that we've now solved the problem for good. We say to ourselves: "Look, I am not drinking or taking drugs now - that proves I am in control!"

We convince ourselves that our drinking and drugging was just a normal activity that took a short, temporarary turn for the worse. We're very pleased to "show off" our new sobriety to the friends and loved ones who urged us to stop and we decide that if we do drink or take drugs again, it will be a secret we keep to ourselves.

We have also noticed that, generally speaking, our relapses or slips become more severe and last longer than they used to. But we don't find it easy it to be honest about them, either to other people or to ourselves.

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Personally, this is one of the hardest forms of thinking for me to change. I get frustrated that I still hold onto it even though I think it's flawed. I look forward to hearing what you guys think and would especially value advice on how to stop myself hitting the three week, one month mark and then falling back into this trap!

Flying4Life

This part of the flawed thinking of addiction is especially scary to me because it can lead to relapse after relapse and the deadly progression of the disease. For myself I focus on not wanting to drink. I don't want to drink because it is unhealthy, I don't like the way that alcohol tastes, I don't like losing control and saying horrible things I regret the next day, I don't like waking up hung over, I don't like wasting my money on something that will cause me to suffer the next day, I don't want to do things that negatively impact my self-respect etc.

I focus on why I want to stay stopped, today and forever. I don't want drinking to be a part of my life anymore. Maybe I am an alcoholic, maybe I am not, but I am not willing to play Russian roulette with my life. Drinking isn't worth the consequences, it just isn't.

I am not sure if that is helpful to others at all, just my thoughts on the subject at 17 weeks sober.

ScottFromWI

I think we can stop anytime we want. The problem is that we sometime think it's OK to START again.

Threshold

My relapses convinced me that I could stop at any time, but when I started again...same old crap. Zero to sixty in a matter of hours. Seemed like I could also START again, at any time.

Staying stopped clearly was the better option. And since I could stay stopped...that's what I decided to do. To stay stopped, because drinking simply sucked for me.

There really are no good reasons left for me to drink.

KateL

I kind of knew early on that I couldn't drink normally but still relapsed for a good few years on and off, until I'd just had enough.

Beanie25

For me there isn't one single positive in drinking at all. This is what I now focus all my energy on today. Wish it had happened years earlier. Thanks for this post.

ClearMind

What I've found personally was that I could quit easily in the past, but the problem for me was staying sober. Sobriety takes work - it's like going to the gym. You can't just go one time and expect to be in shape. I feel like it involves a complete overhaul of our perceptions and thought processes, which is very possible but it does take work.

PurpleKnight

A recipe for disaster!! . . . this one ties into Day 1, "Wanting to Quit", we may be convinced we can stop anytime, but at that moment we don't really WANT to stop . . . when we still choose alcohol after all the negative consequences we've seen it cause in our lives, then we know we're in trouble!!

deeker

Until I accepted I was powerless and my life was unmanageable I was still on step 1. I had to accept that with out reservation before I could begin thinking about step 2 and 3. How does this tie in with step 3 for you endlesspatience? This sounds like step 1 to me. Are you referring to the 3rd step in AA?

DoubleDragons

The fact that sobriety has been as hard as it is for me, i.e. getting and staying (93 days) sober makes me realize how truly addicted I really am to alcohol. (and I am a high bottom drunk, I was successfully moderating when I decided to quit completely. Even my non-alcoholic husband told me that I was too hard on myself when I decided to quit alcohol all together.) The reason why I emphasize the "high bottom" aspect of my problem is because sobriety has taken more work, effort and desire for me than possibly anything else in my life. It has been worth it for sure, but addiction is incredibly powerful and I have a new sense of awe about just how powerful alcohol addiction really is in my life.

freshstart57

I agree that we each of us can quit anytime. I also believe that it gets harder the longer this decision is postponed, so that the easiest time of all to quit drinking is right this very minute. You know, this one right here. Now. Of all times to make the decision to no longer drink, this one is the best of all.

endlesspatience

Thanks for all your feedback. In answer to your question Deeker, no these steps are not the same as the AA 12 steps - sorry for any confusion there. I am not trying to re-write AA steps either. My posts have really been examples rather than steps - examples of the flawed thinking which seems to be common in addicts.

AAs steps are quite different. They are a programme of recovery based on lifestyle changes and are far more all encompassing.

Perhaps I shouldn't have labelled these threads as steps because of the ambiguity. But I couldn't think of another way of labelling them at the time.

deeker

ohh ok

EternalQ

I tell myself that the fact is: I couldn't stop anytime.
I HAD to stop completely... because I couldn't not drink for even 24 hours.

All statistics show that the chance of that ever being different are miniscule....as drinking changes our brain and our brain doesn't go back to the way it was.

The brain degeneration halts- but drinking again, starts the brain degeneration again where it left off - and not back at point A...

I tell myself wow, I am lucky... as it's like I have a disease that can kill me, only I hold the antidote to stop it in its tracks. What would other people suffering with terminal illness give to have the answer in their hands!

Nonsensical

Indeed. I have a healthy fear of relapse. Terrified is more like it. If I go down that road again there is a very real chance I will not make it back.

Junegirl

The inability to be honest with myself and others-that's me. Another great post, EP!

June

Junegirl

I should add that SR is the only place where I feel I can be totally honest about my problem So glad this place is here!

June