deramam

My fiancé is newly sober and we are both struggling with his old friends/enablers. These are people he has grown up with and for some reason they don't like him being sober. Every time he has tried to get sober they do anything they can to bring him down. How can people be like this?!

gabriel01

Nothing u can do. I tried many many many methods, reasonings, arguments and even bitched at his friends. Nothing works. The only only thing that will work is he is willing to let go of his old "friends" on his own. If he didn't to want to let them go by himself (not you force him), he will eventually lie to you, hide from you, and hangout and start drinking behind your back.

Pelican

If your fiance' is sober, he is making positive changes in his life. And that is wonderful, but his friends see this as a bad thing. His sobriety and lifestyle changes cause them to look at themselves. That makes them uncomfortable.

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as often as needed. We are here to support you!

MIRecovery

People like that needed to be eliminated from my life for me to get sober. Recovery is about change andstaying away from unhealthy people was one of them.

Hammer

First, deramam . . .

Welcome Home.

===============

As far as the Drag-Him-Back-Down "friends."

He is going to have many challenges in Sobriety/Recovery.

Overcoming those challenges is part of the process and will make him stronger. Or take him back down. THAT part is HIS life and HIS choices.

On the AA side of the house, he will likely learn that he may need to: Change People, Places and Things.

here is short topic on that >>> Changing People, Places and Things

===========

But you may also know that *we* do not work on *them*

You do know that, right? We work on us.

Found your local Alanon, yet?

atalose

They are who they are and if he truely wants sobriety then he's going to have to NOT play on the same playground with the same playmates for a long while.

Just because HE has chosen to change doesn't mean they are going to. We tend to see people much differently when we chose a different path and hopefully HE is clearly seeing this and will make some changes today for his tomorrow.

deramam

I know I cannot change people and I have a hard time accepting the fact that I can't control everything in my life.
I haven't forced him to remove these people from his life. He knows they are not healthy to be around or even talk to.
We live in a small town and it is hard.
I haven't been to an alanon meeting yet but I know where it is lol

I have come a long way with my codependency and my addiction to opioids as well as him. This has always been the hardest to deal with for him and us.

My expectations always let me down lol

deramam

And thank you everyone.

velma929

They may be addicts themselves. When they see someone who is doing something different, it makes them uncomfortable, as they realize "everybody" doesn't live like they do.
A pal of mine used to be a prison guard. he often heard inmates say they weren't going back to their old friends / old job / old home town. I said that must help. He said, not as much as you'd think. No matter where they go, toxic people, alcohol, other drugs will be there. The person has to decide not to associate with that kind of people, not hang around bars, not be involved with that kind of business.

MissFixit

you mentioned that you are addicted too. are these people a trigger for you?