DoubleDragons

My alcoholic is my mother. This past year was particularly bad with my dad calling complaining of her benders, her showing up to a Mother's Day brunch in front of my children entirely plastered (fell into a potted plant, totally incoherent), several morning phone calls it was obvious that she was drunk, etc. In fact, because of one of those phone calls, I had to disinvite her to my son's birthday dinner/daughter's choral program for fear that she would show up wasted again in front of my children/daughter's elementary school.

So, my parents were hosting Christmas this year for three days and my sister and her family and my family were staying with them. My husband and I made it very clear that we would not tolerate any drunken behavior. My parents agreed. They still drank a few cocktails, but nothing even close to my mom slurring her speech even occurred. I felt relieved, of course, but also baffled and truthfully annoyed. How can my mother "keep it together" for her own events but be a mess for mine?? What is all of your experience with alcoholic behavior? My parents will try use this as "proof" that my mother is not an alcoholic. (my dad is the classic enabler in denial, who also likes his cocktails) In the meantime, our children found a half bottle of white wine in the draperies of the kids' room, (my brother in law poured it out and didn't bring it up to my parents) and my sister said she just got off the phone with my mother around 6 pm tonight and she was plastered. WTF???

Someone please explain this to me. I don't understand control sometimes and otherwise seemingly none at all.

caboblanco

yes alcoholics can hold it together with a ton of booze in them...it comes from a lot of practice..but other times forget it

Dee74

Sometimes I could...especially in the early years...if the motivation was enough - meeting partners parents, vetting a client over lunch etc.

I'd always go for it hammer and tongs once whatever it was over tho.

D

Hawkeye13

Hey DD;
My mom did this stuff too.
For her, "her event" was a showcase for her hosting and entertainment talents.
My stuff was less important and she wasn't the center so she wasn't required to be as careful as when all eyes were on her.

You know both parents were aware you were watching them closely (her especially) and that you said you would leave if she was out of line.

I think they were trying to make the point that she doesn't have the problem she does.
Problem is, she does have it and cannot pull that bluff off for very long. Neither could my mom.

I wouldn't puzzle over it too much. I also wouldn't revise my understanding of the depth of your mother's alcoholism based on a short-run performance which doesn't have to be sustained.

You know what you know. Don't doubt yourself or your perceptions established over a longer period of time.

Firefighter

My wife can hold it together but I'm always anxious waiting for the "edge of the cliff" which comes more often than not. I've gotten to where I can see it coming and that's when I say "time to leave".

ladyscribbler

How can my mother "keep it together" for her own events but be a mess for mine??

My axb used to get $hitfaced in order to "celebrate" other people's birthdays (mine, my sons) and any other occasion that didn't revolve around him. Pure selfishness.

LadyinBC

I could very easily go out for a few drinks with friends, but I never got drunk while with them. Truth was I could hardly wait to get away so that I could go home and really get drunk. I even made sure I would have the booze already bought and stashed so that when I got home I could get started!

Maybe in some way being able to do this made me think I was still in control. When really I was far from it.