You May Be An Alcoholic If...
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
You May Be An Alcoholic If...
....plumbers are coming to your house, and you take the container filled with things to recycle and hide it in a cabinet because it's full of empty alcohol cans and bottles...
Something my husband did the other day. Sigh.
Anyone else have one?
Something my husband did the other day. Sigh.
Anyone else have one?
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: West Sussex, UK
Posts: 6
You can't buy your girlfriend a birthday gift or do anything to celebrate because you spent every penny left in the joint account (there wasn't much) on yourself in the pub on Christmas day. On the plus side, you can't afford to drink either.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
You borrow money from your X wife to buy a gift for your children for Xmas.
The X wife loans you the money full well knowing she'll never see it again, simply because she doesn't want the kids to feel abandoned by you, yet again.
The gift you buy your kids using the money you "borrowed" from your X wife costs 26% of the amount you borrowed. You spend the other 74% on yourself, of course.
You dropped your children home at your X wife's house 7 days, 6 hours and 15 minutes ago and in that time have not phoned or even sent the kids a text to say Happy Xmas.
F*CK YOU, YOU SELFISH NASTY ********!
The X wife loans you the money full well knowing she'll never see it again, simply because she doesn't want the kids to feel abandoned by you, yet again.
The gift you buy your kids using the money you "borrowed" from your X wife costs 26% of the amount you borrowed. You spend the other 74% on yourself, of course.
You dropped your children home at your X wife's house 7 days, 6 hours and 15 minutes ago and in that time have not phoned or even sent the kids a text to say Happy Xmas.
F*CK YOU, YOU SELFISH NASTY ********!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
you fall asleep on your front porch and when your girlfriend gets concerned and tells your dad she can't wake you to come back inside, he says "Oh he does that all the time, he'll come back in eventually." Another sign you may be an alcoholic: if you are still living with your dad at 48 years old.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 39
You fall asleep at the table next to can of beer in the morning, your 16 year old daughter finds you there, throws away your beer and has to help you get upstairs in your bed because you can't walk alone....
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by suncatcher 
you make yourself a ham sandwich at 2 am
My X once took a great big bite out of a hunk of cheese and whacked it back in the fridge, except it wasn't cheese, it was butter.
I used to hate getting up in the morning to see what havoc he had wreaked on the kitchen. There would be sh*t everywhere.
He would often eat the kids lunches that I had pre-packed the night before. Or eat all their treats.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
You tell your girlfriend you're not going to have that month's rent for her on a Tuesday...but you've forgotten you said that by Saturday when you ask her if she thinks you should buy the $115 sunglasses, or the $140 sunglasses... (oh and it's winter, of course, so WTF do you need sunglasses for anyway??)
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
You might be an alcoholic if...your wife asks you why you have single handedly made the bedroom stink so bad that its literally gag inducing and you lie and tell her you stink because you ate Chinese food and you're dehydrated. Drinking some water, lots of water and a shower will fix it right up... Uh, huh.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 171
your uncle brings down recycling in a clear plastic bag....hundreds of beer cans for your wife to see! and you transfer hundreds of beer cans to black plastic bags.
I guess he figures if I can't see the beer cans from the outside, then they're not really there anymore.
Sue
I guess he figures if I can't see the beer cans from the outside, then they're not really there anymore.
Sue
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by LivingLife4Me
your uncle brings down recycling in a clear plastic bag....hundreds of beer cans for your wife to see! and you transfer hundreds of beer cans to black plastic bags.
I guess he figures if I can't see the beer cans from the outside, then they're not really there anymore.
Sue
I guess he figures if I can't see the beer cans from the outside, then they're not really there anymore.
Sue
Yes, they're real David Copperfields, aren't they?
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
...if you walk to the gas station sometime between 5-6am for more alcohol after going on a scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs rampage against your wife that the neighbors surely enjoyed (did I mention he works and lives here?), but come home all huffy and puffy because they don't sell alcohol until 8am on Sundays (the horror!).
Also might be an alcoholic if you went on an hours-long screaming rampage because you don't understand how math works (collected money from neighbors to go to the Reservation and get us all cigarettes with another neighbor...one of them was short, and the neighbor I was with fronted the rest of their money, resulting in her giving me $11 that I charged to cover it initially... one neighbor is paying us back shortly - which my husband knew and was fine with - but since I charged ours, and the neighbors who is paying us back soon, thinks I should still have cash from the other neighbors. You know, the cash I used to get THEIR cigarettes. Didn't understand that I paid cash for those who had it, and charged ours, another neighbor who he agreed could pay us back, and the amount another neighbor was short. Neighbor I was with ended up giving me cash for the one who was short.)
Explained several times:
Paid cash for those who had it.
$71 charged minus $45 for ours leaves $26. $26 minus $15 for the neighbors who is going to pay us back leaves $11. The neighbor I was with gave me $11 in cash to cover that (neighbor who was short on cash). No money missing.
Drunk math.
He truly thinks I should still have the money from the neighbors that paid in cash.
I don't know how to explain it any more simply than what I wrote out above. I wrote it out for him too so he could see it on paper.
Also might be an alcoholic if you went on an hours-long screaming rampage because you don't understand how math works (collected money from neighbors to go to the Reservation and get us all cigarettes with another neighbor...one of them was short, and the neighbor I was with fronted the rest of their money, resulting in her giving me $11 that I charged to cover it initially... one neighbor is paying us back shortly - which my husband knew and was fine with - but since I charged ours, and the neighbors who is paying us back soon, thinks I should still have cash from the other neighbors. You know, the cash I used to get THEIR cigarettes. Didn't understand that I paid cash for those who had it, and charged ours, another neighbor who he agreed could pay us back, and the amount another neighbor was short. Neighbor I was with ended up giving me cash for the one who was short.)
Explained several times:
Paid cash for those who had it.
$71 charged minus $45 for ours leaves $26. $26 minus $15 for the neighbors who is going to pay us back leaves $11. The neighbor I was with gave me $11 in cash to cover that (neighbor who was short on cash). No money missing.
Drunk math.
He truly thinks I should still have the money from the neighbors that paid in cash.
I don't know how to explain it any more simply than what I wrote out above. I wrote it out for him too so he could see it on paper.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 41
Oh dear...I am having more than enough trouble with sober math! 
How about you signing up for Match.com because you are "curious" just to turn around and accuse your wife of having some online relationship that there never has been any evidence of, other than in your own mind...
How about you signing up for Match.com because you are "curious" just to turn around and accuse your wife of having some online relationship that there never has been any evidence of, other than in your own mind...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by TheMs
Oh dear...I am having more than enough trouble with sober math!
How about you signing up for Match.com because you are "curious" just to turn around and accuse your wife of having some online relationship that there never has been any evidence of, other than in your own mind...
How about you signing up for Match.com because you are "curious" just to turn around and accuse your wife of having some online relationship that there never has been any evidence of, other than in your own mind...
What BS. I've seen strange texts from my husband. He denies it. Like I didn't see it right in front of my face. lmao
-------
Much easier for him to understand the math given that I explained with our neighbor's names.
Not sure why he thinks I should have money left from those who paid in cash!
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
...if you walk to the gas station sometime between 5-6am for more alcohol after going on a scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs rampage against your wife that the neighbors surely enjoyed (did I mention he works and lives here?), but come home all huffy and puffy because they don't sell alcohol until 8am on Sundays (the horror!).
Also might be an alcoholic if you went on an hours-long screaming rampage because you don't understand how math works (collected money from neighbors to go to the Reservation and get us all cigarettes with another neighbor...one of them was short, and the neighbor I was with fronted the rest of their money, resulting in her giving me $11 that I charged to cover it initially... one neighbor is paying us back shortly - which my husband knew and was fine with - but since I charged ours, and the neighbors who is paying us back soon, thinks I should still have cash from the other neighbors. You know, the cash I used to get THEIR cigarettes. Didn't understand that I paid cash for those who had it, and charged ours, another neighbor who he agreed could pay us back, and the amount another neighbor was short. Neighbor I was with ended up giving me cash for the one who was short.)
Explained several times:
Paid cash for those who had it.
$71 charged minus $45 for ours leaves $26. $26 minus $15 for the neighbors who is going to pay us back leaves $11. The neighbor I was with gave me $11 in cash to cover that (neighbor who was short on cash). No money missing.
Drunk math.
He truly thinks I should still have the money from the neighbors that paid in cash.
I don't know how to explain it any more simply than what I wrote out above. I wrote it out for him too so he could see it on paper.
Also might be an alcoholic if you went on an hours-long screaming rampage because you don't understand how math works (collected money from neighbors to go to the Reservation and get us all cigarettes with another neighbor...one of them was short, and the neighbor I was with fronted the rest of their money, resulting in her giving me $11 that I charged to cover it initially... one neighbor is paying us back shortly - which my husband knew and was fine with - but since I charged ours, and the neighbors who is paying us back soon, thinks I should still have cash from the other neighbors. You know, the cash I used to get THEIR cigarettes. Didn't understand that I paid cash for those who had it, and charged ours, another neighbor who he agreed could pay us back, and the amount another neighbor was short. Neighbor I was with ended up giving me cash for the one who was short.)
Explained several times:
Paid cash for those who had it.
$71 charged minus $45 for ours leaves $26. $26 minus $15 for the neighbors who is going to pay us back leaves $11. The neighbor I was with gave me $11 in cash to cover that (neighbor who was short on cash). No money missing.
Drunk math.
He truly thinks I should still have the money from the neighbors that paid in cash.
I don't know how to explain it any more simply than what I wrote out above. I wrote it out for him too so he could see it on paper.
Collected money from Neighbor 1, who had exact change. Collected money from Neighbor 2 who was short (by $11). Neighbor 3 is going to pay us back shortly ($15). Charged our cigarettes ($45), Neighbor 2's balance ($11), and Neighbor 3's cigs ($15). So, the total was rung up, I paid the cash I had from the neighbors, and charged $71 ($45+11+15=$71). Person who brought me to the Reservation ended up giving me the $11 that Neighbor 2 was short. So essentially all I paid for was ours, and the neighbors that my husband had agreed could pay us back!
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Stung
You might be an alcoholic if...your wife asks you why you have single handedly made the bedroom stink so bad that its literally gag inducing and you lie and tell her you stink because you ate Chinese food and you're dehydrated. Drinking some water, lots of water and a shower will fix it right up... Uh, huh.
Drinking water, eh? How about not drinking alcohol? Sigh.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Lulu39
You borrow money from your X wife to buy a gift for your children for Xmas.
The X wife loans you the money full well knowing she'll never see it again, simply because she doesn't want the kids to feel abandoned by you, yet again.
The gift you buy your kids using the money you "borrowed" from your X wife costs 26% of the amount you borrowed. You spend the other 74% on yourself, of course.
You dropped your children home at your X wife's house 7 days, 6 hours and 15 minutes ago and in that time have not phoned or even sent the kids a text to say Happy Xmas.
F*CK YOU, YOU SELFISH NASTY ********!
The X wife loans you the money full well knowing she'll never see it again, simply because she doesn't want the kids to feel abandoned by you, yet again.
The gift you buy your kids using the money you "borrowed" from your X wife costs 26% of the amount you borrowed. You spend the other 74% on yourself, of course.
You dropped your children home at your X wife's house 7 days, 6 hours and 15 minutes ago and in that time have not phoned or even sent the kids a text to say Happy Xmas.
F*CK YOU, YOU SELFISH NASTY ********!
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