Hoopgirl13

I left my AH in Nov. after I gathered enough evidence that he was in active addiction again. I had suspected for a while and tried to get his family involved, but his mother said she was too old to handle and his brother claimed that all we needed was a good Christian counselor. Needless to say, I was alone and battling with what would be best for my 4 year old and me. Since I have left, my AH has done nothing but send me degrading texts, threatened suicide and when he would come to see my son, start terrible fights. It was awful. Last sat, we attended our custody class and talked about him visiting. Later that night, he sent me a text apologizing for his actions. He mentioned nothing about drug use in the text. Sunday, I sent a text asking if he was coming to see our son, and his response was "prob. not." That was the last I had heard from him.

Christmas Eve, his brother called and asked to visit our son on Christmas Day. When he came, he said that the reason that AH was not around was because he couldn't handle it emotionally. Anyway, days pass and today comes an approval for rehab from my insurance! They should pay for this, but if they do not, who gets the bill? Me.

I am obviously not mad at AH for heading to rehab, but totally angry at his family for lying yet again for him. Even though we are separated, I still feel that I deserve to know. I am paying his bills, my bills, and providing insurance and they are taking complete advantage of me. Instead of saying, "you were right. Sorry. We need to work together to try to right some wrongs," they try to create a story that turns the blame on me. It is this enabling that caused him to never totally work his recovery. Also, his mother, a woman who claims that her grandson is her world, did not send my son a gift, card, or even offer to help get us out of the financial ruin that her son put us in. The more and more I think about it, the angrier I get. She hasn't even tried to contact me to make arrangements to see my son. Now I know that I am rambling, but I am so angry that I can't take it.

rose

I could have sworn one of my previous posts from a few years popped back up after reading yours HG....My in-laws came to town picked up their best friends and they went and checked out this recovery centre and booked him in without mentioning one word to me about it...it was very expensive their, like you I had no insurance to pay. They did pay but later down the road they want me to pay them back and as you can guess it started a fight and as if there wasnt already hard feelings cause yes the blame game was going strong. I could sit here and write pages full, but just wanted to let you know I feel for what you are going through and fulling understand. We also had two small boys at the time who they hardly contacted either. I truly believe it was partial denial and if they didn't have to see it they could just keep their heads buried in the sand and it wasn't happening. My in laws have always been ones that want to protray to the world that they have this wonderful problem free family...my now exah got so out of control that he did 4 armed robberies on gas stations, police arrested him...I called them as they lived in another town...I was a mess after getting a phone call from the police telling me what had just gone down...MIL's reaction was don't tell anyone....Like Hello Lady this is big news its hitting the noon news and the newspaper...!

Hard as it is for you and don't think by the sounds of it that your going to get much support from his family either...

Rose

Hawkeye13

I'm sorry for all you are going through.

I'm not sure I would accept allowing them to use your insurance if there is any chance
you may have to pay extra things like co-pay, extra charges, etc.
Is there a fee if he doesn't finish, etc.,?

It will be your credit score that get ruined if these things aren't paid, and you were not even consulted. I would think carefully about this, especially if he is doing it just to appease you or his family. It won't work anyway if that's the case and may be a big can of worms. Perhaps call the treatment place and your insurance company and find out these details?

I'm sorry you have no support at home for this.
It sure does sound like you made the right choice however.

needingabreak

HI and welcome to the board. I am so sorry you are going through this. Many here can identify with your story and will be along shortly with support and advice.

I have a few questions here. Usually a rehab knows ahead of time how much the insurance will pay. Secondly, why are YOU responsible for anything your insurance doesn't cover? Just because it is your insurance that covers your husband it should not mean YOU are responsible for anything he incurs. Have you called your insurance company to discuss this? My children have had to go the ER when on our insurance but technically we were not responsible for their bills as they were adults. You and your husband have your own separate credit scores. because it is he going to rehab HE should be the one getting the bill, not you. Something to definitely check on! They have to sign papers on this when they enter rehab. I would also try to close out any credit cards with both your names.

Secondly, we as family of addicts learn first and foremost that we cannot control what others do, including the addict. While I truly understand your anger at your in-laws and your husband for the secrecy, the best thing you can do for yourself is realize you cannot control their behavior nor what they choose to do (no matter how sneaky). Right now all you can do is control your life and those of your children. Yes, it is pretty sad the grandmother decided to not acknowledge her grandchildren at Christmas but that will be on her. Who knows the reason?

Do what you can in regards to yourself and keeping yourself safe from any bills incurred from your husband's rehab. It is sad that they could not come together with you to do what was best for your AH. Hopefully he will get the help he needs and find recovery. While he is doing that you can focus on what is best for you and the children. Many have found relief and support from attending nar anon meetings near them. I would encourage you to check it out.