First night without anything in a long time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 28
First night without anything in a long time
Well...
As some of you may (or may not know), I recently posted in the Sub/Methadone forum that I am pregnant (10 weeks!
) and my doctor has recommended methadone maintenance for me.
Since the holidays were this past week, I've run into a lot of red tape, and I couldn't get an appointment at the local methadone clinic until Monday morning.
And herein lies the dilemma - I was unable to procure any money today, to sustain my habit. I know this sounds terrible - I have a life inside me!! It's an internal battle that I've been waging everyday. However, the same doctors who recommended methadone treatment (neonatologists and NICU doctors) also told me not to suddenly stop my use. This could cause sudden miscarriage, especially in the first trimester. This has been the first day in a long time (3 or 4 years?!) that I haven't been able to come up with something. That being said, I'm also not as brave as I was when I was younger, and I'm not going to go out and shoplift or steal.
I am so scared. I'm a wuss for withdrawals anyway, and topped off with the morning sickness (that seems to last all day for me) I'm about to hit the roof. I did a tiny cotton shot this morning (I AM SO SORRY IF THIS IS TRIGGERING ANYONE), but that's it. I can feel the reality setting in. I am petrified.
Experience, strength & hope greatly welcomed and appreciated! I have a feeling I will be up all night posting.
As some of you may (or may not know), I recently posted in the Sub/Methadone forum that I am pregnant (10 weeks!
) and my doctor has recommended methadone maintenance for me.Since the holidays were this past week, I've run into a lot of red tape, and I couldn't get an appointment at the local methadone clinic until Monday morning.
And herein lies the dilemma - I was unable to procure any money today, to sustain my habit. I know this sounds terrible - I have a life inside me!! It's an internal battle that I've been waging everyday. However, the same doctors who recommended methadone treatment (neonatologists and NICU doctors) also told me not to suddenly stop my use. This could cause sudden miscarriage, especially in the first trimester. This has been the first day in a long time (3 or 4 years?!) that I haven't been able to come up with something. That being said, I'm also not as brave as I was when I was younger, and I'm not going to go out and shoplift or steal.
I am so scared. I'm a wuss for withdrawals anyway, and topped off with the morning sickness (that seems to last all day for me) I'm about to hit the roof. I did a tiny cotton shot this morning (I AM SO SORRY IF THIS IS TRIGGERING ANYONE), but that's it. I can feel the reality setting in. I am petrified.
Experience, strength & hope greatly welcomed and appreciated! I have a feeling I will be up all night posting.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hi Starfish, there are others that will no doubt be coming along behind me with a lot more wisdom and knowledge about your situation than myself.
But I wanted to at least say hello and lend my support, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, but SR is here for you!!
But I wanted to at least say hello and lend my support, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, but SR is here for you!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I really think you should call your dr right away, if you are concerned or go to an ER. I had to look up what a cotton shot was and it's scary stuff. Please talk to your dr in order to care for your unborn child.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 51
I have no experience w/ opiates nor IV drug use BUT I do have experience with HG (severe morning sickness in pregnancy) I had so many gastrointestinal symptoms (violent puking, etc) that I even had to be hospitalized. Maybe if you tried to think of the withdrawal as less drug related and more pregnancy related that could help for tonight? I know it is a long shot but I feel for you.
Hang in there! Methadone maintenance is the standard of care for pregnant women. You're doing the right things.
Hang in there! Methadone maintenance is the standard of care for pregnant women. You're doing the right things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 28
Thank you all for the kind words and support. I was actually able to get some sleep last night (shocker!) and slept from around 8pm to about 5am. It was more than I thought I was going to get, and I am eternally grateful.
Anna - This morning I woke up feeling like... well, not good... so I did actually go to one of the local ER's. They were surprisingly understanding and really nice. I spoke with a substance abuse counselor and the doctor gave me a low dose (>20mgs) of methadone, just to keep some of the worst withdrawals at bay until I can get to my appointment tomorrow.
Brunette, it's funny you mention chalking the withdrawal up to the pregnancy... that's exactly what I was doing yesterday/last night! Great minds think alike! And as for HG, I have a few questions about it, if you don't mind.
My morning sickness has been pretty bad, I guess you could say, though I have no frame of reference. I'll go one day being extremely nauseous, morning, noon, and night, and only saltines will calm me. Then, I'll experience violent vomiting for two or three days (to the point where I can barely keep down water), then back to nausea for a day. I'm also verrrryy constipated (TMI?!
). Constipation is relatively normal for me, but not like this. Does this sound like HG to you, or just normal, garden variety morning sickness?
P.S. Anna - IN LOVE with your kitties!
Anna - This morning I woke up feeling like... well, not good... so I did actually go to one of the local ER's. They were surprisingly understanding and really nice. I spoke with a substance abuse counselor and the doctor gave me a low dose (>20mgs) of methadone, just to keep some of the worst withdrawals at bay until I can get to my appointment tomorrow.
Brunette, it's funny you mention chalking the withdrawal up to the pregnancy... that's exactly what I was doing yesterday/last night! Great minds think alike!
And as for HG, I have a few questions about it, if you don't mind.My morning sickness has been pretty bad, I guess you could say, though I have no frame of reference. I'll go one day being extremely nauseous, morning, noon, and night, and only saltines will calm me. Then, I'll experience violent vomiting for two or three days (to the point where I can barely keep down water), then back to nausea for a day. I'm also verrrryy constipated (TMI?!
). Constipation is relatively normal for me, but not like this. Does this sound like HG to you, or just normal, garden variety morning sickness?P.S. Anna - IN LOVE with your kitties!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 28
As am I. I was worried sick that the ER doc would be judgmental, condescending, etc. but that was not the case. One of my nurses even disclosed to me that her son is a recovering addict, and that she wishes there were more women like me who would seek help for their problem, especially when pregnant. We had a really long, emotional chat (while she way trying - and failing - to draw blood. Oh the joys of morning sickness/dehydration). God works is mysterious ways!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Being a guy I can't even imagine giving life. Please get all of the proper medical care you can. I don't know anything about the medical implications of opiates and pregnancy.
Ok, all I can do is tell you what I've learned from opiate addiction. I've gone cold turkey twice. The first time I didn't get sick enough. The second time I did and I never looked back. As you know it's a progressive disease. It's also a progressive trap that become more complex over time. You're not a "wuss". You're in the trap. The drugs will tell you that your only happiness lies in that warm cozy dream world. Even while addicted we know it's a lie but it continues. The drugs are stronger than any living soul but paradoxically when we've had enough we can break free. In the long haul I don't only not miss opiates I truly hate them for where they took me.
I don't know if this helps of it's just rambling. Forgive me if I've missed the mark.
Be well.
Ok, all I can do is tell you what I've learned from opiate addiction. I've gone cold turkey twice. The first time I didn't get sick enough. The second time I did and I never looked back. As you know it's a progressive disease. It's also a progressive trap that become more complex over time. You're not a "wuss". You're in the trap. The drugs will tell you that your only happiness lies in that warm cozy dream world. Even while addicted we know it's a lie but it continues. The drugs are stronger than any living soul but paradoxically when we've had enough we can break free. In the long haul I don't only not miss opiates I truly hate them for where they took me.
I don't know if this helps of it's just rambling. Forgive me if I've missed the mark.
Be well.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Starfish,
Im also glad you went to the ER, and had a good experience there. You are doing all the right things - the nurse was right & Im glad she opened up to you about her son.
Ahh morning sickness... I cant say how it fits in with WD, but as for the morning sickness it can be unpredictable just as you described. I could be seriously sick (nausea, and the whole bit) for a couple days and then I would be fine for a day or two. It left me just feeling beat down some days. When you see the doctor just explain all your symptoms & make sure all is ok. My son is '2' now and so worth all those tough days.
My husband is my qualifier here, opiate based pain meds was his primary - so cant help you a lot with methadone, etc. But anytime you want to talk "babies" feel free to message me.
Im also glad you went to the ER, and had a good experience there. You are doing all the right things - the nurse was right & Im glad she opened up to you about her son.
Ahh morning sickness... I cant say how it fits in with WD, but as for the morning sickness it can be unpredictable just as you described. I could be seriously sick (nausea, and the whole bit) for a couple days and then I would be fine for a day or two. It left me just feeling beat down some days. When you see the doctor just explain all your symptoms & make sure all is ok. My son is '2' now and so worth all those tough days.
My husband is my qualifier here, opiate based pain meds was his primary - so cant help you a lot with methadone, etc. But anytime you want to talk "babies" feel free to message me.
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