endlesspatience

Hello friends.

For the next few days, I am going to try to outline several of what I think are the most common types of "flawed thinking" which addicts have. You may recognise some of them and if so I'd be very interested to hear your responses. As we look at them together, we might be able to see ways in which we can change our way of thinking.

So, STEP ONE: I don't know if I want to stop.

We know at one level that we have a problem with drugs or alcohol but we are conflicted as to whether we want to stop. We know it's probably a good idea to stop for a little while because we are still very aware of the consequences of the last time we drank or took drugs. We might have a hangover or have let people down or we might have got into trouble with the law so when we woke up today we said we'd stop.

However, we have still left a door open in our mind to start again at some point, probably when things calm down or our body feels stronger. Maybe we can start again when we get some more money or we don't feel so scrutinised by other people and we can drink or drug in secret.

We might even be happy to go to rehab, or therapy or AA for a while. But secretly we'll be wondering if we could sneak off quietly to drink or take drugs alone or with other people who don't know about our addiction or don't care. That's because we really don't know if we want to stop or not. Or we don't know if we want to stop yet.

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Does this sound like you? If so, how do you think you could change your thinking?

Mizzuno

I did think this way for quite awhile. However, I did not stop the train and continued on in my struggle. The "I dont know if I want to stop," could have been changed to "you seriously have to stop or else something horrible is going to happen" I made it to the horrible and the rest is history. I do not wish for any other outcome. It is where I am supposed to be.I think the "I don't know yet" leads into a full knowing. I hope I answered the question here.

PurpleKnight

That's a good analysis of things . . . I suppose though if I was being honest, did I really WANT to stop, not really, which caused soo many relapses, and on this current "attempt" at Sobriety, i'm not sure I WANTED to either, but I definitely NEEDED to stop as I knew I would be having health complications or would die in the short/medium future if I didn't . . and that was enough for me to stop and focus on the WANT!

It was more a being dragged kicking and screaming to make the decision though, than I really really WANT to stop. The NEED created the WANT in a round about way if that makes sense!!

Though the NEED doesn't always lead to the WANT!! . . . people still continue to drink and kill themselves knowing that is what alcohol will do to them!! . . . The NEED is not enough, the WANT needs to be there!!

endlesspatience

Thanks for your responses, guys. I am going to try to put up another "flawed thinking" idea tomorrow and for the next week or so. Interesting to see how people respond to them.

KateL

I really wanted to stop permanently quite early on in my drinking career. But for a long time just couldn't manage it.

waterboy68

This really hit home to me because I have been struggling with this. I was given an ultimatum to quit or else...Did I really want to quit, honestly NO.. Did I know I should quit, honestly YES. So here lies the problem... I have made it past 30 days now, but keep thinking about the thought of drinking "somewhere down the road".. I try to keep it one day at a time, go to AA meetings and focus on the day at hand, but if I am brutally honest with myself, I keep thinking I want to drink again. This only leads to the realization that a relapse is likely if not inevitable. It would be so much easier for me if I had the full will to want to stop, but my flawed thinking continues to stay in the forefront of my thoughts. What is boils down to for me is the one day at a time, if I don't drink today than that is all I need to be concerned with. Thanks for this post, hit the nail on the head for me.

Thepatman

I pretty much had the desire to stop completely for a long time ago. I knew I wanted to, but there was always that little voice convincing me I could keep going. Logic dictated, my mom died of this decease, so did many family members, I will most likely follow the same path.

I never understood this duality within my mind. Now that I understand what the AV is, using the recognition technique I have learned I finally am able to understand. There is the rational me, and the immediate gratification portion of my Mind, the AV/Beast. It only knows impulsiveness.

Not that I have Vulcan blood, but I know my logical mind can control my AV, or keep it at bay.

EverySngleNight

I've been there! I get it. I haven't had those thoughts this time around... yet. But, I'm on guard!!! I don't know what the difference is this time. Maybe it's because this is my first time doing detox, rehab, and my day program? Maybe it's the naltrexone? Maybe all of the above? IDK One thing is for sure- I'm terrified to become complacent...

Notimetoloose

I really want to quit, I have wanted to quit for over 4 years. I have tried many times since then and managed different amount of times, several weeks at a time being the average.
I have invested a lot of time and thought and energy to quit...I keep thinking if I had of just stayed quit I would be sober now for over 4 years.

Reality bites and then I pull the escape hatch and my sobriety goes down the drain, it is not good for my self esteem that I keep failing.
I will quit for good.

Leana

This was not my thinking at all. When I stopped it was because I did not want to drink ever again.

Junegirl

That was my thinking for a long time, EP. I think a lot of people feel what you described deep down but don't want to admit it to themselves...

June

Cathryn2001

I wish I had read a post like this one 6 months to a year ago because, at that time, that was exactly where I was stalled. I knew that my drinking was not "normal" and I was beginning to feel the scrutiny of others, but I really didn't want to address it. I wanted the bad stuff (i.e. judgement from family, shame, weight gain) to "go away" and leave me alone with my beer! I knew I would have to stop sometime, but I just wasn't sure when. Unfortunately, it took a bad hangover to wake me up and make me realize that I needed to stop immediately and for good.

ActualAlcoholic

Thank you for sharing this, that strikes a cord with me. I actually first found this forum 2 years ago and posted a thread titled: "I know I need to stop drinking but I'm not sure if I want to". Well, I wasn't ready, sad to say. Now that my drinking has continued to progress, and after "serious" attempts at moderation have recently failed during the holidays, I know I am truly an alcoholic who probably can never drink again.

I think for me, my thinking changed when I realized that if I ever feel "comfortable", I will immediately start drinking heavily again because "I have it under control". Which is what I liked about your post so much: I also feel that if I'm brutally honest with myself, I still don't WANT to never drink again in some sense, but I certainly need to never drink again. I stlil trick myself constantly into thinking, "Wait... NO drinking ever again? seriously?? I can handle it down the road". But I don't honestly believe that in my heart.

I am starting a tapering schedule again tomorrow: was a 6 pack a day kind of guy who moved up to 6 pack of tall-boys and then 6 packs of the expensive, high ABV stuff (so I would guess really more like an 8 drink a day guy). My doctor has recently proscribed me anti-depressants and wants me to see an additional specialist for benzos. It would be great if I had my last drink of my life on January 31st 2013, and started a sober life in 2014.

MythOfSisyphus

For many years I knew I my drinking was a problem but I didn't see a need to stop. I just figured with time I'd get better at managing it. Obviously the opposite is true. Eventually I wanted to stop on some level but didn't think it was possible. Only when I finally needed to quit did I actually manage to stop.

Toffee1

I think this is only valid in the early stages of sobriety. Whether you WANT or NEED to! the important thing is that you STOP. What I mean is the longer you are sober ,the need or want becomes a faded memory. They get replaced with I JUST DONT. Hope this makes some sense!

jazzfish

There is definitely a duality that has tripped many of us up repeatedly. I see it as I really only wanted the negative consequences of drinking to stop; however, I didn't really want to stop drinking.

One path focuses on the reality of the consequences of my actions backed by years of evidence. The other path focuses on the action of drinking while ignoring the evidence.

This choice of which path to choose can also be confused by the overwhelming desire to avoid the alcoholic label and be "normal".