EverySngleNight

I was doing treatment 5 days a week. So far, my husband has been home on my off days. Today is the first day off where I'm alone. My sobriety is intact. I feel good/strong. I slept SOO late because I've been getting up super early to go to treatment, but with the holidays- I was staying up late wrapping presents, baking, etc. It felt good to catch up on a little sleep- but I still wish I hadn't. It feels too reminiscent.

Next week my treatment reduces to 3 shorter days a week. I'll be by myself a LOT more. I'm really worried that I'm going to isolate and "freeze up" again. Freezing up means I don't leave the house, can't get anything started, am paralyzed by my anxiety, and fall back into my agoraphobic state. I'm not sure I've gotten all of the help I need to deal with this yet.

I have never been able to maintain a healthy routine. I did when I was in rehab, with a schedule and everything. But, here at home- it's just too easy to sink back into my old rut.

So, here's the thing- I have ADD-I & Complex PTSD. The C-PTSD carries along with it a terrible anxiety disorder with a small side of dissociative issues. And the ADD-I enhances my dissociation by providing me the rare talent of zoning out completely. I'm very skilled in that department. (*Disclaimer... if you're not diagnosed ADHD, or do not have a deep understanding of it by way of a loved one, or don't "believe in" it, please do not debate its validity with me. I'm not going there today. Just can't. TY)

I am going to another treatment facility for trauma in about a month. They require a sustained period of sobriety and have a waiting list. It's supposed to be the best. So, I'm scheduled to stay in my day program up to that point- I think.

I'm not sure what to do with myself, how to stay motivated, not sink into my rut, and I can NOT relapse. I can NOT relapse because alcohol makes all of my issues so much worse, AND I HAVE to make it to that trauma facility. I HAVE TO. I'm not "crazy" but, I got pretty messed up along the way- and I really need the help. It's time.

How do you maintain your schedule and self-care every day? No supervision. Nobody telling you what's next. I don't really know how to stay activated and I get so scared to go out by myself. Can you relate? Do you have any tips or pointers??

Maybe I need to scale back my expectations a bit? It's still so early on, and I have a long way to go. But, I REALLY want to make sure I am living and doing things in such a way, where I'm not setting myself up to backslide. I want to plan- REALISTICALLY- to do things differently in this next week, while I'm alone. Can you guys help me come up with a plan? I don't quite know where to start.

If it doesn't work- maybe my insurer will approve staying in treatment 5 days a week, for a while longer. But, I'm going to have fly the nest at some point. So, I want to give this next week a shot. Thanks in advance for any commentary/advice. Much appreciated.
ESN

PurpleKnight

Hey ESN!!

I'm not too well versed on your complexes and disorders, and so not sure if my advice will work.

But, when I got sober, the worst thing I could do was to be sitting at home alone in the evenings, just sitting there with nothing to do, when usually I'd have a drink in my hand, polishing of a bottle of something, that would have lead to disaster and it is probably your fear too.

The schedule you had at treatment kept you in a routine, you had activities planned out and that kept you Sober, well that's what I do now at home, you need to come up with a plan, a personal schedule to avoid the rut, every night before bed I come up with a plan for the next evening, when I come home from work, I implement the plan created the previous night, I don't go to the pub for pints, I don't drop by the liqueur store and I don't pick up that glass.

For me keeping busy is essential, sitting bored is not going to end well, now at the start it's difficult, energy/mental reserves are in short supply due to withdrawal symptoms, I was very tired for the first week, so watching a few box sets/dvds and playing online games was the extent of my plan, but after pushing through that stage, reading a few chapters of books I had intended to read long ago, going out for a walk or going to visit relatives started to creep into my routines.

For me a routine is crucial, a schedule, but something that fills the time I used to spend drinking, but I can't leave it until I come home from work and then ask myself "what will I do this evening" . . . I need to have formulated a plan in advance!!

I also stay close to SR during my evenings for some moral support!!

EverySngleNight

PurpleKnight- ANY advice that helps me plan, is GOOD advice! It's totally fine if folks can't relate with my "crazy"! LOL I'm really looking for practical solutions. I like your idea of formulating a schedule the evening before, for the next day. I am scheduling to make a schedule of my schedule for tomorrow, tonight. :-) TY

PurpleKnight

That's a lot of scheduling lol

I just wanted to make sure I flagged up i was talking from my own experience, which may or may not fit in with those other things!! . . . but glad they could still work!