90 Days Sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
90 Days Sober
First of all, thank you SR members for changing my life! You are a godsend. I came here doing a google search looking for information about my mother's drinking and the more I read, the more I faced my own problems with alcohol. The challenge that really initiated the whole thing is that someone here said to me, "You have given all of that time to drinking (for me that was 27 years), why not give a little time to give sobriety a try." Initially, I planned for one month to be that "try". Well, guess what? As hard as getting and staying sober was, (and still is sometimes; Christmas was tough), being sober and healthy and in control and having good self esteem, and sleeping well, and no hangovers and no guilt and no remorse, and feeling pride, feeling NEW, etc. has made sobriety my new addiction. (oh, and posting on SR, as evidenced by my ridiculous number of posts) BTW, this is the first time I have ever attempted to quit drinking (having grown up in a family of heavy drinkers and alcoholics) and SR is my only form of support.
To those of you just starting on your first few days of sobriety, here are some things that helped me:
1. In the beginning, I truly relied on ODAT (one day at a time). All I worked on was getting through the day sober. I don't have to do that so much anymore, but I did have to rely on it again to get me through the holidays. Now I can think of never drinking again and it doesn't sound so daunting, but for the first couple of months I told myself you can drink tomorrow, just not today. I told myself I was only doing this for one month, until I reached one month, noticed that I liked sobriety a lot and SR members said that by three months sobriety would feel much more comfortable and normal, and so three months became my new goal (I would constantly remind myself that a few months is nothing compared to 27 years). Now that I am three months sober, forever seems much more doable and real than it ever did for me in the beginning.
2. I am a spiritual person, so I prayed a lot. Events that I worried about, I prayed hard before and usually what I worried about never even became a concern. (for example, a business dinner for my husband. I ordered cranberry and lime. I was very worried that his coworkers would wonder and ask why I wasn't drinking but no one even noticed. I got to look around and notice that 1. a lot of people didn't drink all that much and 2. the ones that did made fools of themselves)
3. I looked at my beginning sobriety as an experiment, so I did a lot of observations. I was shocked at restaurants that half the tables didn't order alcoholic drinks. I was happily surprised that sex was even better sober! I liked never having to worry about driving drunk. I felt freer. I started a sobriety notebook/journal where I would write down quotes of the things that inspired me on SR, or the positive things I noticed about not drinking and when I reached a white knuckle time, I had my journal to thumb through quickly if I didn't have time to log on to SR. I wrote my hate/good-bye letter to alcohol and kept it in that journal. I wrote a list of all my cringe-worthy/scary alcohol moments/events and I keep that in the journal, as well.
4. I read probably a hundred books on alcoholism, but the one that really changed my perspective on alcohol and made me look at it in a whole new light was Jason Vale's Kick the Drink . . . . Easily. I recommend it to everyone. It will make you realize that alcohol is a poisonous, deadly drug that doesn't belong in anyone's body. There is a huge marketing machine behind alcohol that is adding to the coffers of wealthy corporations and governments with no concern of the collateral damage being done to our precious humanity (and as we know there is a lot of damage being done).
5. I never told myself, "I can't drink." I'm not stupid. I am an adult with a car, legs, wallet and plenty of retail/bars around me. I can drink whenever I want. Instead I tell myself "I don't drink." I say that with pride. I AM in control. No one is telling me what I can and can't do. I am making smart decisions for my mind, body, and soul.
6. I exercise regularly and I eat right. (protein vitamin smoothies every morning, lots of yoga and walking, no red meat) An irony I had to deal with in the beginning is that I had quit Diet Cokes which I had drank to excess for years because I no longer wanted to put that "crap" into my body, but I was okay with downing bottles of wine every weekend?!? When you start really taking care of your body and seeing results, it is really harder and harder to justify drinking alcohol. Thankfully, alcohol is not calorie free, so the vain part of me has a harder time justifying putting all of those empty calories into my body now that I am at my ideal weight.
7. When I felt my AV really playing games with me, telling me that a few glasses weren't going to hurt, or was I really an alcoholic?, I told on myself here at SR, particularly with my October 2013 group. I am generally an honest person, and I really felt accountable to my group and dreaded the idea of having to tell them that I drank. Plus, it felt so good to have people who really understand rally around me and help keep me honest and sober.
8. My biggest driver in my sobriety has been watching my mother, whom I love dearly, deteriorate into a full-blown alcoholic. (drinking in the mornings, coming to children's events drunk, hiding alcohol) My mother drank less than I did when I decided to quit. No one is lying when they say it is a progressive disease. If an alcoholic has ever caused you pain and hopelessness in your life, ask yourself, do you want to be the cause of those kind of hurtful, terrible feelings in anybody else, particularly innocent children?? I vowed to my four children that they would never have to worry about my sober condition before any important event in their lives. The only way I can guarantee that promise is if I stay sober, and so that is what I have to do.
I am so sorry this is so long. I hope it is helpful. I feel forever indebted to the people here at SR who have given me a new lease on life! Bless you all!!
PS I thought of one more thing. I do listen to subliminal "Quit Alcohol" recordings (can be downloaded to your Ipods or bought on CD) at least three nights a week. I don't know if they are helping or not, but obviously, I have turned my sobriety into a very important priority. It is a lot of work. Sobriety is hard, which makes me realize how terribly strong alcohol addiction really is and why my sobriety is so incredibly important. It truly is a matter of life or death.
To those of you just starting on your first few days of sobriety, here are some things that helped me:
1. In the beginning, I truly relied on ODAT (one day at a time). All I worked on was getting through the day sober. I don't have to do that so much anymore, but I did have to rely on it again to get me through the holidays. Now I can think of never drinking again and it doesn't sound so daunting, but for the first couple of months I told myself you can drink tomorrow, just not today. I told myself I was only doing this for one month, until I reached one month, noticed that I liked sobriety a lot and SR members said that by three months sobriety would feel much more comfortable and normal, and so three months became my new goal (I would constantly remind myself that a few months is nothing compared to 27 years). Now that I am three months sober, forever seems much more doable and real than it ever did for me in the beginning.
2. I am a spiritual person, so I prayed a lot. Events that I worried about, I prayed hard before and usually what I worried about never even became a concern. (for example, a business dinner for my husband. I ordered cranberry and lime. I was very worried that his coworkers would wonder and ask why I wasn't drinking but no one even noticed. I got to look around and notice that 1. a lot of people didn't drink all that much and 2. the ones that did made fools of themselves)
3. I looked at my beginning sobriety as an experiment, so I did a lot of observations. I was shocked at restaurants that half the tables didn't order alcoholic drinks. I was happily surprised that sex was even better sober! I liked never having to worry about driving drunk. I felt freer. I started a sobriety notebook/journal where I would write down quotes of the things that inspired me on SR, or the positive things I noticed about not drinking and when I reached a white knuckle time, I had my journal to thumb through quickly if I didn't have time to log on to SR. I wrote my hate/good-bye letter to alcohol and kept it in that journal. I wrote a list of all my cringe-worthy/scary alcohol moments/events and I keep that in the journal, as well.
4. I read probably a hundred books on alcoholism, but the one that really changed my perspective on alcohol and made me look at it in a whole new light was Jason Vale's Kick the Drink . . . . Easily. I recommend it to everyone. It will make you realize that alcohol is a poisonous, deadly drug that doesn't belong in anyone's body. There is a huge marketing machine behind alcohol that is adding to the coffers of wealthy corporations and governments with no concern of the collateral damage being done to our precious humanity (and as we know there is a lot of damage being done).
5. I never told myself, "I can't drink." I'm not stupid. I am an adult with a car, legs, wallet and plenty of retail/bars around me. I can drink whenever I want. Instead I tell myself "I don't drink." I say that with pride. I AM in control. No one is telling me what I can and can't do. I am making smart decisions for my mind, body, and soul.
6. I exercise regularly and I eat right. (protein vitamin smoothies every morning, lots of yoga and walking, no red meat) An irony I had to deal with in the beginning is that I had quit Diet Cokes which I had drank to excess for years because I no longer wanted to put that "crap" into my body, but I was okay with downing bottles of wine every weekend?!? When you start really taking care of your body and seeing results, it is really harder and harder to justify drinking alcohol. Thankfully, alcohol is not calorie free, so the vain part of me has a harder time justifying putting all of those empty calories into my body now that I am at my ideal weight.
7. When I felt my AV really playing games with me, telling me that a few glasses weren't going to hurt, or was I really an alcoholic?, I told on myself here at SR, particularly with my October 2013 group. I am generally an honest person, and I really felt accountable to my group and dreaded the idea of having to tell them that I drank. Plus, it felt so good to have people who really understand rally around me and help keep me honest and sober.
8. My biggest driver in my sobriety has been watching my mother, whom I love dearly, deteriorate into a full-blown alcoholic. (drinking in the mornings, coming to children's events drunk, hiding alcohol) My mother drank less than I did when I decided to quit. No one is lying when they say it is a progressive disease. If an alcoholic has ever caused you pain and hopelessness in your life, ask yourself, do you want to be the cause of those kind of hurtful, terrible feelings in anybody else, particularly innocent children?? I vowed to my four children that they would never have to worry about my sober condition before any important event in their lives. The only way I can guarantee that promise is if I stay sober, and so that is what I have to do.
I am so sorry this is so long. I hope it is helpful. I feel forever indebted to the people here at SR who have given me a new lease on life! Bless you all!!
PS I thought of one more thing. I do listen to subliminal "Quit Alcohol" recordings (can be downloaded to your Ipods or bought on CD) at least three nights a week. I don't know if they are helping or not, but obviously, I have turned my sobriety into a very important priority. It is a lot of work. Sobriety is hard, which makes me realize how terribly strong alcohol addiction really is and why my sobriety is so incredibly important. It truly is a matter of life or death.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
Wow. Thank you so much for writing all of that down. Very inspiring and helpful. I love #5 about "I can't drink" versus "I don't drink." I have a friend who always uses the language "I am a person who . . . " when she wants to modify her behavior. Like "I am a person who exercises every day" or "I am a person who refuses to hit the snooze button." It gives her the power to be the person she knows she can be. That's like "I don't drink." Thank you so much for that. I'm printing it out and taping it up.
So many kudos to you on your amazing journey. Keep up the good work!
Jackie
So many kudos to you on your amazing journey. Keep up the good work!
Jackie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
What a great post, DD! I have been following you for awhile and feel connected to you because of very similar experiences with my mother. Although I was pretty much a full-blown alcoholic when I stopped, now watching her from my sober perspective pains my heart. At the same time it makes me realize that I am so glad that I stopped when I did. And it motivates me to stay stopped a little more each day.
I haven't read Vale's book (but I will now) but I also am very appalled by how much alcohol really is poison to our bodies and the mass marketing behind it.
Anyway, congrats to you, so glad you are here, and big hugs!
I haven't read Vale's book (but I will now) but I also am very appalled by how much alcohol really is poison to our bodies and the mass marketing behind it.
Anyway, congrats to you, so glad you are here, and big hugs!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
DD, I love this post. You have a wonderful perspective and a new lease on life. Yes, we do learn a lot about ourselves in the process of quitting our addiction. I am so happy for you and happy that you are here with all of us.
This disease can be generational and all too powerful. You have much to be proud of and keep walking forward DD. Your an inspiration.
This disease can be generational and all too powerful. You have much to be proud of and keep walking forward DD. Your an inspiration.
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