breathingToday

I didn't even pay attention to how much everyone around my circle drinks ! It has been everyday in my 9 sober days that I've been either asked to go to happy hour, have a drink at holiday parties and now today I've been invited to go with my girlfriends to the casinos where there are free drinks. Ugh. Even the white elephant gifts at Xmas eve involved a lot of bottles of hard liquor. Even got a hand painted wine glass for Christmas. Geez!
It's been easy so far to say no to all these get togethers, but I am going to run out of excuses soon as to why I can't make it. I need to stay away until I have more time sober. Any advise would be much appreciated !

ReadyAtLast

For me, it wasn't just a case of stopping drinking.I had to stay away from drinking situations and change my life or it was only a matter of time before I picked up again. You don't have to make excuses to anyone. Ifyou don't drink you don't drink.

I don't think it's a case of staying away for a few weeks then going back to exactly the same situations and behaviours.If I'd done this I'd have drunk again. As time's gone on I have no interest in being with people or attending functions where the sole focus is drinking. I didn't realize that over time my whole social life, friends etc revolved around drinking, I've spent the last year changing this and feel so much better for doing so.

LiaAc

I'm assuming that nobody else is aware that you are trying to stay sober.

Many of my family and friends have pushed for me to do later evening activities with them, and I'm usually exhausted by 5-7PM. I've just been honest and told them that I was tired and going home. I hope I'm not a party pooper, but it's better than flat out lying. At the same time I don't have to go into specifics.

Would it work to just mention that you're not feeling well and don't wish to go out? I guess you can only use that excuse so many times.

Do you feel comfortable at all mentioning that you're staying away from situations with alcohol from now on? I would think that some in your circle would be supportive of this.

MsJax

I know it's hard, breathing

I really just had to stay away from all of it. When I first got sober I didn't go to anything (like BBQ, get togethers, etc) for about 5 - 7 months. Sobriety and self care must come first to succeed. I also didn't say much to anyone about what I was doing. I think 2 people knew. It just is so private and as sad as it is, there are some saboteurs out there.

Maybe you can begin to make some changes that will support sobriety? I had to let go of a lot to get sober. But that allowed a lot of true good to get in. Most of my old friends really didn't care much about me at all I don't think. It was just the booze.

Nice work on your 9 days . Go into the new year sober

Anna

For me, I had to make a lot of changes in my life, besides stopping drinking, and that involved staying away from alcohol for many months. It was the only way I could continue to recover.

ImperfectlyMe

The further you get the less you'll feel compelled to explain why you don't drink. Take that hand painted wineglass fill it with glass beads and a tea light candle. Light it during your witching hour and sip some tea in candle light tranquility. It won't always be this hard and you won't always notice how inundated you are with alcohol reminders.

hypochondriac

I made sure I got in there first with some friends and suggested we go for coffee in the day when I knew the question of alcohol wouldn't come up. Also as far as social events go coffee isn't something people do for hours like hanging out in a bar so it was easier in that way too.

I wouldn't bother making excuses. I did that for ages before I realised no one cares... Now I still get invited out to bars and such and I just go and don't drink. No one bats an eye at my sobriety or hassles me about it. And they didn't really before it was just all I could see was alcohol everywhere and I needed to distance myself from it for some time. It was 8 months before I felt like I could be near people drinking without wanting to cry... x

IOAA2

Hi. I was confused as to what to say in the beginning also. It was suggested to just say No Thanks and end it there. If asked why I said "I break out" just didn't say where, Like Texas, Cal, Alaska, Jail, psych ward and on and on.

BE WELL

SoberLife2014

I have recently been struggling with this as well with all the holiday parties and stuff. It's pretty rare that someone will demand to know why you're not drinking. After a while people finally get it- you quit drinking. Sometimes instead of making excuses you just have to put your foot down. Last time I was at a party I told everyone I'm not drinking because I have a new baby to take care of. They still pressured me! Someone even said I was boring because I wasn't drinking. But I just kept on saying "no, I don't want to drink".

NoJimmy

I'll give you the advice I gave myself... I need to do my best to decrease my exposure to it. It's not coincidental I surrounded myself with people who drink too much, who else would tolerate the way I drank? I changed, they haven't. It doesn't mean I have to get rid of many long term friends who still drink, but I need to change the way I engage them. Stopping by during the day to catch up is safe, but riding to bars with them, or hanging out while they party isn't. Only a matter of time before my mental conditioning is altered and I cave in.
I will face work situations that involve drinking. We have a regional meeting next month that will include socializing at the bar after meetings. I plan to make an appearance, have NA drinks, and be prepared to explain I quit drinking. I'm sure it will come up.

Erik1980

I hear ya! I'm a frickin bartender! It's everywhere around me! Just going to have to get used to bring a non drinker in a drinkers world I guess ....

Dee74

Like Anna, I had to stay away from those things. My sobriety was just too important.
I had to make a lot of changes - but I don't regret any of them.

I found it pretty easy to say no when I looked at what was at stake?

D