Fitting for today, I think
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Fitting for today, I think
So I just opened up my Al-Anon daily reading books which I have ignored for quite a while. I'm feeling a little down today, and was looking for some inspiration. My current struggles are a little different than what are addressed by today's readings, but...
...in light of the discussion on some of last night/today's threads, I felt these were worth a share.
Here is the first, from Courage to Change:
December 27
Maybe we need many points of view in order to understand life more fully; after all, no one person's view is totally complete. So when my partner, my child, my employer, or an Al-Anon friend takes a position unlike my own, I have a choice. I can assume that one of us is wrong and defend myself, or I can be grateful for the chance to see that there are countless ways of looking at life. An abundance of wisdom is available if I keep an open mind.
I try to practice this attitude when my loved one and I discuss anything, even TV. We often perceive a TV show so differently that it's hard to believe we've been watching the same station! I used to take these disagreements personally. One of us had to be wrong, and my position had to be accepted! Today I don't think there's anything personal about a difference of opinion. If you think the sea is blue and I think it's green, I don't have to spend all day trying to convince you. Al-Anon helps me believe in myself and respect that other people are entitled to do the same.
Today's Reminder
I don't have to invalidate anyone else's views in order to validate my own. It's alright to disagree. Today I will respect someone's right to think differently.
"Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too." Volitaire
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The second, from "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon"
December 27
Let's think about group problems, those disagreements that sometimes happen because we do not quite understand each other. It is not surprising that we who have come to Al-Anon so confused and unhappy, with our thinking warped by family difficulties, should find ourselves at odds over some point of procedure or a personal misunderstanding. We all have different backgrounds, goals, motives, standards and hopes, and these can come into conflict when we find it difficult to communicate with each other.
For group problems, as well as for our individual ones, we use that helpful phrase in the Twelfth Tradition which ends: "ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Everything that happens to me as a person, everything that involves my relations with my group, can be ironed out by applying Al-Anon principles. This lifts all discussion far above the level of personalities and brings about harmonious solutions.
"Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity." (Tradition One)
...in light of the discussion on some of last night/today's threads, I felt these were worth a share.
Here is the first, from Courage to Change:
December 27
Maybe we need many points of view in order to understand life more fully; after all, no one person's view is totally complete. So when my partner, my child, my employer, or an Al-Anon friend takes a position unlike my own, I have a choice. I can assume that one of us is wrong and defend myself, or I can be grateful for the chance to see that there are countless ways of looking at life. An abundance of wisdom is available if I keep an open mind.
I try to practice this attitude when my loved one and I discuss anything, even TV. We often perceive a TV show so differently that it's hard to believe we've been watching the same station! I used to take these disagreements personally. One of us had to be wrong, and my position had to be accepted! Today I don't think there's anything personal about a difference of opinion. If you think the sea is blue and I think it's green, I don't have to spend all day trying to convince you. Al-Anon helps me believe in myself and respect that other people are entitled to do the same.
Today's Reminder
I don't have to invalidate anyone else's views in order to validate my own. It's alright to disagree. Today I will respect someone's right to think differently.
"Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too." Volitaire
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The second, from "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon"
December 27
Let's think about group problems, those disagreements that sometimes happen because we do not quite understand each other. It is not surprising that we who have come to Al-Anon so confused and unhappy, with our thinking warped by family difficulties, should find ourselves at odds over some point of procedure or a personal misunderstanding. We all have different backgrounds, goals, motives, standards and hopes, and these can come into conflict when we find it difficult to communicate with each other.
For group problems, as well as for our individual ones, we use that helpful phrase in the Twelfth Tradition which ends: "ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Everything that happens to me as a person, everything that involves my relations with my group, can be ironed out by applying Al-Anon principles. This lifts all discussion far above the level of personalities and brings about harmonious solutions.
"Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity." (Tradition One)
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 182
Oh my goodness HealingWillChange
I was just thinking about making a post about how the two readings had similarities in them today and how when that happens I think about then extra hard and try to apply them.
I was actually thinking I might need it at my meeting tonight rather than here but you are absolutely right.
Spooky.
I was just thinking about making a post about how the two readings had similarities in them today and how when that happens I think about then extra hard and try to apply them.
I was actually thinking I might need it at my meeting tonight rather than here but you are absolutely right.
Spooky.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Heart of Dixie
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Here's another one that ties Pg 43 Reaching For Personal Freedom
I saw myself as a victim when I came to al-anon. I had been harmed, and wanted justice. of course, my perception was that those who harmed me should be punished. in my alcoholic home, however, I was perceived as the problem rather than the victim. I was confused when others did not see things as I did.
fortunately, I had already worked the previous steps when I began step eight. I realized that growing up in an alcoholic home had distorted my perceptions, and that my marriage relationship had been affected by my past experiences. I learned that feelings are not right or wrong, good or bad. they just were. it was my response to them that affected my life. I also learned that my thoughts and beliefs were distorted, and what I had believed was not always true. I realized my false beliefs about the world were at the heart of my poor choices, which lead to behaviors and consequences that added to my problems rather than improving my life.
in deciding who should go on my list, I had to determine whom I had actually harmed. someone suggested that I put my name at the top of the list. doing so led to a willingness to add others, step eight improved my relationships and my life.
I saw myself as a victim when I came to al-anon. I had been harmed, and wanted justice. of course, my perception was that those who harmed me should be punished. in my alcoholic home, however, I was perceived as the problem rather than the victim. I was confused when others did not see things as I did.
fortunately, I had already worked the previous steps when I began step eight. I realized that growing up in an alcoholic home had distorted my perceptions, and that my marriage relationship had been affected by my past experiences. I learned that feelings are not right or wrong, good or bad. they just were. it was my response to them that affected my life. I also learned that my thoughts and beliefs were distorted, and what I had believed was not always true. I realized my false beliefs about the world were at the heart of my poor choices, which lead to behaviors and consequences that added to my problems rather than improving my life.
in deciding who should go on my list, I had to determine whom I had actually harmed. someone suggested that I put my name at the top of the list. doing so led to a willingness to add others, step eight improved my relationships and my life.
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Stung, these books are available at Al-Anon meetings. I don't remember if you've gone to any meetings. I haven't been for a while, but still use the books. They're just plain old good, even without an active alcoholic in my life.
Jessica...yes, weird how those things happen sometimes.
Hope you had a good meeting tonight.
Jessica...yes, weird how those things happen sometimes.
Hope you had a good meeting tonight.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
:/ No I haven't gone to any meetings. I don't want to go/am afraid to go. I'm going to try to go to an individual session with our marriage counselor instead since she already knows me and my husband.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Stung 
:/ No I haven't gone to any meetings. I don't want to go/am afraid to go.
Applause.
I was / have been afraid of going to a Men's Meeting for months, now.
Finally went last night, when the pain and fear of staying stuck became more painful and fearful than going.
Sort of amazing to see how much we can be like an A, huh?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Stung
Riddle me this then: how is it not codependent to think that if I only go to MY meetings and work MY program that it'll magically make his progress somehow work better? Hmm?
Will Not DO ANYTHING to his side. At least not directly. Indirectly, what I see over and over . . . *they* see you getting better, and MAY want some of that.
But think of this like having a broken leg or something. You do not really need your leg fixed so that someone else might get their leg fixed, do you?
You want YOUR broken leg fixed so that you can walk and stop the pain. Has NOTHING to do with *them.*
You know what the wise folks of Alanon told me at my first meeting?
[Hammer], [Mrs. Hammer] is not your problem.
I am really starting to get that.
Maybe the same for you . . .
Stung -- Mr. Stung is not your problem.
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I agree with you there. He is not my problem, he is my children's problem. That is the part that scares me and equally makes me sad and frustrated. They deserve everything and more and he isn't capable of giving that to them and I can't prevent him from hurting them one way or another. It makes me feel defeated and like I'm at a stalemate.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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He is NOT your children's problem. They have no responsibility for him. YOU have a responsibility to THEM. Protect THEM. He's going to do whatever he wants to do, so it's up to you to make a loving and comforting life for yourself and your children.
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Taking care of yourself first allows you to be there for your children. It's overwhelming, I know. Totally and completely not what you signed up for. Breathe, take things one step at a time. You are doing well. This will take time and tackling some fears. It's good that you have an appt. with a counselor. You don't have to figure everything out right now. In fact, you can't and that's okay.
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