goldiilocks

For those with time sober: How do you go about WANTING to stop? I guess its true that I am honestly addicted when I can see and have true consequences due to my drinking, but not care enough to stop. I would pay a million dollars if I had it for the drive to actually stop. I have been calling places and am going to check myself into rehab by tonight I believe, lest I do something completely idiotic that would hurt my family that I am so lucky to have. How do people even do this? I wake up daily with the thought in my mind that its not worth it. I am a failure and have been on this forum for years. JESUS how do I acuire the want to stop? I dont know where it is or how to gain it. But Id really like to.

goldiilocks

Well I guess i am just going to do what I always do and go to the store and get some beer to have along side my liquor. the pain is too real and i just want to be numb.

KateL

You sound like you do want to stop to me. Perhaps you don't realise this and just find it hard to know what tools to use. Just continue to post and read, try not to drink and you may find some answers. There is so much information and shared experience here, something might just click eventually, I hope so.xxxxx

Olive1

I found that I had to be sober for a number of weeks before I actually switched to wanting to be sober.
My mind and soul and body was so drenched in alcohol, I was in a continuous fog. In those first weeks I had to stay sober, otherwise I was going to die. After the fog cleared, I gradually wanted to be sober. And the more time I was sober, the more I wanted to stay sober.

Toffee1

I feel for you and I wish I could advise you but in truth I don't think I can. Where do any of us get the drive and determination to stop? Maybe some people hit rock bottom. I functioned with alcohol but really got fed up of hangovers and the three day recovery. Have you had a sober period ie six months or more? Maybe if you aim for that so you can compare life with and without alcohol. I hope you can find the answer, all the best.

firstymer

goldiilocks, I think you need to ask yourself if you are happy with your current situation. Do you feel well? Are your relationships what you want them to be? Are you accomplishing what you hoped to accomplish when you were younger? If the answer to those questions is Yes, then you don't need to change a thing. But for those of us who made the decision to try to quit, there was, I think, a recognition that life can be GOOD. That we can be HAPPY. We just have to eliminate those things from our lives that were preventing that. For me it was alcohol.

I have been on both sides of the fence. While I only have 4 months sober, I can tell you that, on this side of the fence, I am happier, healthier and more optimistic than I ever was as a drunk.

You are right about one thing. YOU need to decide if you want to make the change. But, if you are willing to try, I can guarantee you that you will be better off sober than you are right now.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.

ScottFromWI

For me it was finally realizing how I was not only letting my family down, but also what I was doing to my own body and mind....willfully destroying it day by day for fleeting buzz. It also took some effort to get over the initial hump and realize sober life is better than being drunk. I am not a regular AA member, but honestly for someone in your situation I would give it a shot as then structure and fellowship might get you off to the start you need. And don't worry or make excuses about thing you may not like about the program, just do it and see if it helps.

KateL

Good point x

jaynie04

A large part of sobriety and getting sober was about deciding to stop necessarily doing what I wanted to do, and instead focus on what I needed to do. Doing what I wanted to do was a large part of drinking, I have heard it called the "disease of more"…limits and boundaries freaked me out. Motivation becomes stunted when our minds are soaked with alcohol.

I still have trouble getting started. I wait to be inspired…and that usually doesn't happen. Waiting to be inspired to do laundry? Waiting to be inspired to deal with paperwork? I finally realized that my inspiration didn't happen beforehand, it happened during the process. Some of the things I have had to relearn are so painfully simple it is astounding..but doing the next right thing or acting as if, keeping it simple. I am not in any program but those simple phrases help me out a lot. I have trouble getting started, with anything, and lately I am prone to proness.

Recognizing that attribute has been useful to me. Knowing that relying on inspiration is not the way to bring about the results I want. And when I am uncomfortable I try to stay with it because to me that signifies growth, and I know I am not going to die by being uncomfortable. The overwhelmingness of getting sober can become monumental if we let it. But when you break it down it isn't a huge event, it is a series of small decisions and choices that you have the power to make daily. Decisions like separating yourself from people and places that make sobriety too uncomfortable for you now, taking a new route home, picking up the phone, coming here….People with long term sobriety have been making those small choices for a much longer time. Knowing you have that same power to make those decisions is absolutely within you…tap into it.

goldiilocks

Toffee1- I have not had a sober period of 6 months or more since I was 16. I am now 25.

Olive1- Thank you, that makes a lot of sense to me because when i used to smoke weed thats kinda how it was. I think I am very depressed and its so ironic because im actually studying psychology in school specializing in addiction. Most of us also are depressed but I do not have the means to see a psychiatrist, nor would i trust one, nor would anti depressants help because they throw me into mania.


firsty- thank you for your response. With my current situation I am not happy. But I'm a high functioning alcoholic and this is the problem because I fight with my husband or other people and then dont remember it but I have a 3.78 GPA. I feel like the stereotypial housewife gone wrong.

I dont know any life other than the drinking life. I get no fun from anything else. I just want to know how you guys.... get the motivation for this because to me life is pretty pointless and I think I am drinking myself to death.

goldiilocks

jaynie- EXACTLY. Why am i like this though.

goldiilocks

Thankyou.

goldiilocks

And my husband has asked me. Have you started drinking again today? I need you to go to the bank. I AM SO TIRED OF LYING.

goldiilocks

How is this **** not completely pointless?

Lifewillgetbet

I hear many people in AA meetings mentioning you have to hit "Rock Bottom" before you decide you want to stop. I'm not a firm believer in this. I never hit "Rock Bottom" but I was at an incredibly low period in my life. I was an utter disappointment to everything and everyone. I didnt really want to stop, but knew I needed too. Now its more or less the fact that I want to remain sober. Life is way easier sober. Its a grueling constant mission being in active addiction. Constantly uncomfortable emotionally and physically.
Do you WANT your life to be easier and more fulfilling?

GotGrace

Goldi, I am sorry you are hurting so much. I wish I had a sure-fire answer for you but like so many others have said, we are all so different in how we come to drink, why we continue, and what makes us stop.

Personally, I was so tired of the shame and the hangovers. I was a functioning mom and housewife, but I was so tired of the obsessing about the next drink and then feeling like a failure the next day, sick, tired, lethargic. I knew for a long time something needed to change. I can tell you one thing for sure, and this has become my mantra: Fear of the thing is worse than the thing itself. Once I really committed to being sober it was like a weight was lifted. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. I am proud of myself for the first time in a long time,

Goldi, hang in there and do whatever it takes to get sober. I promise it will be worth it. I believe in you!

goldiilocks

I just dont understand this. When my husband and I got together he was an overnight stocker at Target. So id pick him up and then we would drink the day away, yes in the morning. Our relationship revolved around drinking and I we eventually got married. He stopped though; he said it wasnt worth the depresssive feelings the day after. He stopped after 4 years of us drinking HARD. Ive read numerous studies and theres a lot of evidence that suggests that women are more sensitive to alsohol and become strong alcoholics s lot faster.

I love my husband. I dont want him to leave me for this but.... when we started this was what we did. Ive been caalling rehab facilities and suicide hotlines all morning. I think I need to check myself into one. Im so ******* ashamed.

goldiilocks

**** this I dunno. I'm not what I wanted to be. Im sorry guys.
Thank you for your support.

goldiilocks

Ok life. Ive been in two MAJOR car accidents, wraped my car around a pole in one of them and it caught on fire. I was an ******* to the EMTs and refused medical care even though I was bleeding. Ive been to jail twice and Im just "lucky" that I dont have a dwi. Seriously? Rock bottom? THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING! IVE ALREADY HIT IT! Yet I keep drinking; whats it going to take. I dont think you understand the actual gravity of my situation.

GotGrace

Goldi, do you think you might need to go to ER to get some help? They can get you started on a safe detox and help you find the help you need.

Lots of people ask for help every day. It is a sign of strength to see the situation for what it is and to seek the best for yourself.