Question for Those with a Year or More
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Question for Those with a Year or More
I just read a post where someone said they had heard the four-month mark is especially difficult. I have read others say three months is hardest.
I am just curious, for those of you who have a year or more of sobriety, what was the most difficult time for you?
I am just curious, for those of you who have a year or more of sobriety, what was the most difficult time for you?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
The initial quit, and the changing out of old ways, was by far the most difficult times for me over say those first three months. It was really after those first twelve months though I had enough going on in my new life to not worry much about whatever challenges came up anymore. What I mean here is in that first year I had so much success in turning my life around overcoming my initial struggles, I knew absolutely I was going to stay sober, be happy, be productive, and live a quality life of success.
That was back in 1981, and all of it did come true for me ever since I quit. Changing myself and my life from a drunken loser to a sober winner made all the difference. It is amazing just how bad alcohol was for me. My gratitude is endless.
Congrats on your year, GotGrace!
That was back in 1981, and all of it did come true for me ever since I quit. Changing myself and my life from a drunken loser to a sober winner made all the difference. It is amazing just how bad alcohol was for me. My gratitude is endless.
Congrats on your year, GotGrace!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
The first month , 3 months , 6 months and a coming up to a year were all times when i had some anxiety and stress that hung round for maybe a week or two each time .
We're all different and grow and learn at different rates in sobriety and recovery , just be prepared for a fight anytime and then you won't get caught out nothing for the last 14 months …
Day 847 here for what it's worth , happy and content with sobriety .
Bestwishes, m
We're all different and grow and learn at different rates in sobriety and recovery , just be prepared for a fight anytime and then you won't get caught out
nothing for the last 14 months … Day 847 here for what it's worth , happy and content with sobriety .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
The first four days. Felt better, looked better and 'Hey' I can drink again!
I went through this cycle for years. The fourth day was killer.
After a scary withdrawal I realized it was serious. That still didn't stop me, but it sure threw a wrench into my alcoholic mind.
Once I got past those four days, after deciding to quit, things improved immensly. I just flat out couldn't drink. Not like a moderate drinker. Not like a binger. Not at all.
It's been three years now and I remember those drunken days and the lies, misery, fear and anxiety. It's kept me sober so far.
I don't have it made. I'm one drink away from a drunk. Every day.
That's all just me.
I went through this cycle for years. The fourth day was killer.
After a scary withdrawal I realized it was serious. That still didn't stop me, but it sure threw a wrench into my alcoholic mind.
Once I got past those four days, after deciding to quit, things improved immensly. I just flat out couldn't drink. Not like a moderate drinker. Not like a binger. Not at all.
It's been three years now and I remember those drunken days and the lies, misery, fear and anxiety. It's kept me sober so far.
I don't have it made. I'm one drink away from a drunk. Every day.
That's all just me.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Around 3 months was the hardest mentally. I was feeling healthier and bored. I had originally quit due to health reasons watching a friend go through some bad times due to her drinking. Figured I'd quit to support her and we could do it together. When I was bored, and she was still drinking and having fun (at least some of the time) it was really hard to resist.
It's been a year and five months and it goes in waves. I literally went months without a craving and then they started again recently (holiday season trigger I think). Not as hard to resist this second season. Like I said to my friend "I miss drinking, but not enough to start again".
It's been a year and five months and it goes in waves. I literally went months without a craving and then they started again recently (holiday season trigger I think). Not as hard to resist this second season. Like I said to my friend "I miss drinking, but not enough to start again".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I found the first 3 months the most difficult as in fighting cravings... I was on SR several times a day, and joined a monthly support group. I probably drove them all a little nuts with my constant ramblings, but it was so important to me to get my feelings out and those guys quite literally saved my skin several times. (Thanks class of May 2012!!)
After that, I hit a few bumps in the road from time to time, usually because I had to learn how to deal with life's problems rather than hide from them. I think the last time I hit a real dangerous point was when I was about 10 months sober, and it lasted a week or so. By then of course I had my support strategies firmly in place...
I'm 19 months sober now, just celebrated my 2nd sober Christmas, and totally enjoying my life now...
Be prepared for a few rough spots, remember they pass, and keep your eye on the prize...a sober life is worth fighting for x
After that, I hit a few bumps in the road from time to time, usually because I had to learn how to deal with life's problems rather than hide from them. I think the last time I hit a real dangerous point was when I was about 10 months sober, and it lasted a week or so. By then of course I had my support strategies firmly in place...
I'm 19 months sober now, just celebrated my 2nd sober Christmas, and totally enjoying my life now...
Be prepared for a few rough spots, remember they pass, and keep your eye on the prize...a sober life is worth fighting for x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I found the first few months not too tough craving wise as I felt so ill. It was harder after 3 months because I felt better physically. I really stepped up the support then. It started getting easier after the 8 month mark for me but my entire first year was pretty tough. It started getting so much better after that
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
After the first month,, then months four and five were hardest for me.
But everyone is different and each stage brings different challenges.
For some it may matter what months the holidays or vacations fall in, as these sober "firsts" can be challenging.
Also it may depend on what months you are in when unexpected stressors fall.
But all of this can be overcome with a recovery plan.
But everyone is different and each stage brings different challenges.
For some it may matter what months the holidays or vacations fall in, as these sober "firsts" can be challenging.
Also it may depend on what months you are in when unexpected stressors fall.
But all of this can be overcome with a recovery plan.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
Everyone is different and for some, every single day is the hardest day. The first few weeks were fueled by outright motivation but were hard. The first few months were fueled by healing but were hard. The last three years were fueled by the desire to live my own life, on my own terms, and honestly. Everyone is different.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
This is something I think is different for everybody. Some people have a pink cloud experience that can last any amount of time, then reality starts setting in. Others struggle until something finally clicks. Stuations play a lot into things, as does whether or not someone is in any kind of treatment and/or working any program. If someone simply puts down a drink without doing anything to change I believe it would get harder and harder. If they drank like I did. And then there are others who's problem wasn't quite as bad, and regardless of what they do, the further away from the drink the easier it gets.
As for me, the not drinking part was only difficult the first month. I don't think I ever really wrestled with it a whole lot after that. Wrestled more with finding contentment and happiness in sobriety. I jumped whole heartedly into AA and the 12 steps, also did a detox, rehab, and outpatient program. First month was toughest because I didn't immediately go into any osrt of aftercare following the detox.
During my sobriety I had a few landmark times that were easy, and times I really struggled. Regarding alcohol, the 6 month mark was pivotal as that's when I finally felt a part of AA due to an experience too lengthy to share. Shortly after my 1 year anniversary another experience (the one I wrote about in my blog) pretty much told me alcohol was a done deal with me for life. Things got frightening real after that for a while. I felt like like reality shifted for me. Was scary, but good.
After that, I remember my 3rd year being tough because all the newness of sobriety had worn off. I realized people could still be asses, even in AA. I realized the universe wasn't going to treat me any differently than anyone else simply because I found a spiritual life that worked, and was living a much cleaner and better life than I had in the past.
The start of year 5 was a little challenging, I think maybe because I bought into the AA ramblings regarding it taking 5 years to get our brains out of hock. I really felt like there was some truth to that, and then agreed even more when I heard it then takes us 5 years to learn to use them.
Had no stuck points after that though, was pretty clear and awesome sailing, until strangely enough and much to my surprise around year 23-24. Sobriety opened the doors to a life beyond my wildest dreams, and the tools I initially used to aquire the gifts I did, began to be unnecessary. I pretty much stopped going to meetings, kept along my spiritual path for the most part, and again without getting into a lot of detail, the rug was pulled from beneath me. And I fell harder than I ever did in sobriety. Didn't pick up a drink, but had no desire to keep moving forward and pretty much just wished I was dead. It was a tough voyage back to where I'm sitting right now, but there was a lot I needed to learn in the experience that I felt set me back. I realized I had begun to identify myself with my successes, with the labels I had come to enjoy, with all the wonderful stuff I built around me... and then in an instant found myself with nothing, but myself. And I was shocked to learn that I didn't like that guy quite as much as I thought I did. I liked what I had believed I'd become, but it was an illusion. Kinda hard to describe the experience without writing pages about it, but I got a real hard kick in the head that taught me that happiness was only going to come from inside. I always knew that, but now I was getting the lesson in an experience that felt like none I had known before. And was going to take a bit to get ok with.
Anyhow... that's been my particular experience. And I wouldn't change a thing about it if given the opportunity. It's been, and still is, and incredible journey.
There are only a few things I feel I've learned with certainty being sober. One of them is that whatever we're feeling or experiencing, it will pass if we don't pick up a drink. I'd suggest that regardless of what your feeling, however hard or easy it is, just strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. I promise that when you look back, you'll be happy you did.
As for me, the not drinking part was only difficult the first month. I don't think I ever really wrestled with it a whole lot after that. Wrestled more with finding contentment and happiness in sobriety. I jumped whole heartedly into AA and the 12 steps, also did a detox, rehab, and outpatient program. First month was toughest because I didn't immediately go into any osrt of aftercare following the detox.
During my sobriety I had a few landmark times that were easy, and times I really struggled. Regarding alcohol, the 6 month mark was pivotal as that's when I finally felt a part of AA due to an experience too lengthy to share. Shortly after my 1 year anniversary another experience (the one I wrote about in my blog) pretty much told me alcohol was a done deal with me for life. Things got frightening real after that for a while. I felt like like reality shifted for me. Was scary, but good.
After that, I remember my 3rd year being tough because all the newness of sobriety had worn off. I realized people could still be asses, even in AA. I realized the universe wasn't going to treat me any differently than anyone else simply because I found a spiritual life that worked, and was living a much cleaner and better life than I had in the past.
The start of year 5 was a little challenging, I think maybe because I bought into the AA ramblings regarding it taking 5 years to get our brains out of hock. I really felt like there was some truth to that, and then agreed even more when I heard it then takes us 5 years to learn to use them.
Had no stuck points after that though, was pretty clear and awesome sailing, until strangely enough and much to my surprise around year 23-24. Sobriety opened the doors to a life beyond my wildest dreams, and the tools I initially used to aquire the gifts I did, began to be unnecessary. I pretty much stopped going to meetings, kept along my spiritual path for the most part, and again without getting into a lot of detail, the rug was pulled from beneath me. And I fell harder than I ever did in sobriety. Didn't pick up a drink, but had no desire to keep moving forward and pretty much just wished I was dead. It was a tough voyage back to where I'm sitting right now, but there was a lot I needed to learn in the experience that I felt set me back. I realized I had begun to identify myself with my successes, with the labels I had come to enjoy, with all the wonderful stuff I built around me... and then in an instant found myself with nothing, but myself. And I was shocked to learn that I didn't like that guy quite as much as I thought I did. I liked what I had believed I'd become, but it was an illusion. Kinda hard to describe the experience without writing pages about it, but I got a real hard kick in the head that taught me that happiness was only going to come from inside. I always knew that, but now I was getting the lesson in an experience that felt like none I had known before. And was going to take a bit to get ok with.
Anyhow... that's been my particular experience. And I wouldn't change a thing about it if given the opportunity. It's been, and still is, and incredible journey.
There are only a few things I feel I've learned with certainty being sober. One of them is that whatever we're feeling or experiencing, it will pass if we don't pick up a drink. I'd suggest that regardless of what your feeling, however hard or easy it is, just strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. I promise that when you look back, you'll be happy you did.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Any time is difficult for me when I don't
apply and live a program of recovery that
has been taught to me. There are steps
and principles set down for me to incorporate
in my everyday life and affairs. To help me
work thru situations in life, with people,
places and things that ruffle my feathers,
disturb the natural flow of everyday life.
With 23 yrs. sobriety, I am still a work in
progress. Still learning, still absorbing healthier,
ways to deal with life on lifes terms. It has
gotten better, but there are moments when
my will wants to take over and it just ain't
gonna work well for me.
I still relax, take a deep breath, turn it over,
go back to the first 3 steps, regain focus,
then move on.
Keeping it, life, simple makes staying sober
a lot easier to manage.
apply and live a program of recovery that
has been taught to me. There are steps
and principles set down for me to incorporate
in my everyday life and affairs. To help me
work thru situations in life, with people,
places and things that ruffle my feathers,
disturb the natural flow of everyday life.
With 23 yrs. sobriety, I am still a work in
progress. Still learning, still absorbing healthier,
ways to deal with life on lifes terms. It has
gotten better, but there are moments when
my will wants to take over and it just ain't
gonna work well for me.
I still relax, take a deep breath, turn it over,
go back to the first 3 steps, regain focus,
then move on.
Keeping it, life, simple makes staying sober
a lot easier to manage.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I found the first three or four months to be the hardest as I was trying to break old habits and it was hard. After that it got better. Also, it got better when I started being grateful for my blessings.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm close to 14 months so I'll take a crack at it. Really for me the first day was terrifying, just the worst. I realized that I hadn't really "gone to sleep" for years, just drank until I passed out. When I turned out the lights to go to sleep on that first night I had major anxiety/panic attacks. To be totally honest I had to leave the lights on and I almost caved and drank. It took quite a while to get to where I could sleep (like a couple weeks).
At around three months I started to get really crank, just angry all the time. I'd feel irrational anger bubbling to the surface over just little things. But that passed.
At the year mark it wasn't so much "difficult" as "strange"...suddenly just being sober was kind of passe. It seemed like there needed to be something more than just not drinking. I guess this is where the 12 step programs talk about getting spiritual but for me it was more about letting to of the fears and failures of my misspent decades of being drunk and just moving on with my future.
It's probably different for everyone and the journey continues!
At around three months I started to get really crank, just angry all the time. I'd feel irrational anger bubbling to the surface over just little things. But that passed.
At the year mark it wasn't so much "difficult" as "strange"...suddenly just being sober was kind of passe. It seemed like there needed to be something more than just not drinking. I guess this is where the 12 step programs talk about getting spiritual but for me it was more about letting to of the fears and failures of my misspent decades of being drunk and just moving on with my future.
It's probably different for everyone and the journey continues!
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