overit263

I don't know if I feel better or worse...got some answers, probably don't believe the answers, but maybe more closure? Admittance that he's been a horrible husband (well duh, that's been painfully obvious), that it has weighed heavily on him etc. etc. Still told him not to come here, his stuff can be shipped (paid for by him) or taken to donate. Thank goodness I don't have to work tomorrow. I look like I've gone a few rounds with Tyson with how puffy my eyes are. It's good to read some emotion from him - whether it be real or not so hopefully I will feel good tomorrow. The marriage was over for a while anyway, all the trust was gone a year or more ago, so at this point I don't want to hear things that I didn't know anyway, I just wanted answers to a few smaller things and oddly enough, lies or not, it feels better to have gotten an answer. He's not right for me and I've known that. I deserve someone that gives all that I give and for once, I need someone that I can rely on. I'm sick and tired of being the strong one all the time in a relationship. I'm always the reliable, good in a crisis person, and not that I can chose not to be like that, it would be nice to be with someone more like me. Ha - that made me laugh like I pretty much said I love me and I want the male version of me because I think I'm so great! Ha! Sorry had a peewee herman moment there that made me laugh really hard! See, feeling better already!

Vale

...you stepped over the line! Pee Wee Herman was a GOD!!!!!!!

(actually, the laugh -----as well as every other salient/observable fact
about him......creeped me out!)

overit263

Uhm I'm still a fan of PeeWee, I didn't care about the movie theater incident! I follow him on fb and twitter! My brother and I carried that word of the day throughout the entire day!Ahhh the good old days!

Vale

.......just mess'in with 'ya. Only thing I remember about him
was his being in the dark & scared.....then turning on some
form of light......illuminating every manner of dangerous beast
all around them.

(funny!)

Movie theatre incident? Greek to me. Suppose I could Google it,
but all that would prove is my ability to Google it!

overit263

you know, the scandal that made him fall from grace type thing...same as Fred Willard I think...

needingabreak

Fred Willard was disgraced?????? How did I miss that one? Crap, now I will have to Google THAT. I knew about Pee wee. Anyway, it sounds like you got yourself some closure and you are feeling pretty confident about your decision. Everything takes time but you sound really good Overit despite all you have endured. I agree that you deserve someone who gives you 100% and loves you as much as you love them. Taking a stand and taking nothing less shows you will not allow someone to walk all over you. Isn't standing up for yourself an amazing feeling? I pray for peace, joy and love to follow you wherever you go and whatever you decide to do in your future. We all deserve to be happy and we make that happen by the choices we make every day.
Hugs.

gothbarbie

Maybe soon I'll realize that NO contact from my XABF has been good for me. I still feel that I need closure BUT I just know that hearing from him will just throw me back into that dark hole only for me to try my damnest to get out of. Ugh wish I could just delete that memory file from my brain already!

overit263

Yeah, it's been interesting to say the least. I've gotten answers, I know that he probably feels bad because I've always been independent and I'm in a bad position right now, and I don't deal with that well. I feel good knowing that if something does happen to him of his own accord, my grief won't be as shattering now that we've had a conversation. Do I love him, yes, but do I love myself more, absolutely. Pretty agonizing stuff though. I hate having to be so damn forgiving and saint-like....ha! I'm not the one with a life long battle ahead of me, so I need to be gentle with myself and part of that is not holding on to this animosity any longer and being gentle with him...not enough to be back in that nightmare of a mess...but I think I've reached my zen moment!!! We will see what the next week brings though. So how about I say - Just for today, I have had a zen day?

Txhelp

Its good to have some answers....oh what I would have given to know early on. Patience learner and the timing was right.
Loving yourself and gaining peace is priceless.

Vale

Fred who? You kids are speaking out of my generation,methinks.
Pardon Vale as he shuffles over the old folks table to regale anyone
who will listen .....about 1944.

(no, he DOESN'T remember it either...it was 16 years before he was born,
but recall your "wisdom to know the difference" guidance----and let him
run with it. Think of it as a random act of kindness.....


".......which in THOSE days was called a........."

(you get the idea!)

......if you bore someone to death, is it technically murder?

Vale

but seriously, NC brings calm, and dignity, and self respect.
No......not immediately.....but nothing worthwhile is EVER obtained
immediately.

(you would not believe how many times I came THIS CLOSE
to relapse........so I would fire up SR, read the sages wisdom
and say....)


NO.......just for now....just for today.
String together enough todays and you've got yourself a LIFE!

atalose

I've been single for a while and I have to say. It's going very well.

Like....it's working out.

I think I'm the one.......


Lol love that one!!!!!

overit263

Fred Willard, you know him! Fred Willard - IMDb

He was getting a little too friendly with himself in a move theater....just like PeeWee!

I think this is kind of easy for me since I was used to living alone before I got married, and I probably enjoyed it too much. I have no desire whatsoever to date or anything, so that statement is true for me --- I think I'm the one!

Now, if I do come across the male version of myself...I will probably want to be with that person and he won't like me back!

needingabreak

Vale we are around the same age and if you saw a picture of Fred you would know him. gee he seemed so innocent lol

overit263

Both funny guys, and hey, at least they didn't steal and lie to their loved ones! They just seemed...lonely...

Still gross, but hey, that's nothing worse than what's been done to us by our loved ones in addiction!