breathingToday

I'm 7 straight days sober. Had a few days earlier this month and then went on the worst binge I had ever been on. I tried justifying a drink or two a night, then woke up 3 days later with no recollection of those 3 full days. Well, my young son had to tell me that all I did was lay in my bed, drinking wine and crying. I never ate for 3 days and my two sons, ages 8 and 12 , had to fend for themselves....how disgustingly selfish could I get ? I don't remember a thing. Selfishness. But, when i got up on the 4th day after my 3day blackout, I drove them to school , making them late (again...selfish) and stumbled into work. I was shaking, vomiting, bloodshot eyed and a f'ing mess! I went to the liquor store, got a few nips to fend off the withdrawals and scraped my way through my 8 hours at work. I picked my boys up afterwards, buzzed from 2 nips, and drove the 17 miles home, panic attacks and all. My oldest told me that he couldn't stop worrying about me all day at school(again, selfishness on my part). He's in 7th grade with learning issues...he should not be worrying about his drunk mother. We got home, cooked dinner as I shook and I went to bed. I had the worst withdrawals I've ever had and should have gone for help. But my 8 yo layed next to me the whole night while I endured disgusting cold sweats, sleeplessness, racing heart, vomiting and pure hell. Well, I made it through that hell and told god that if I could get sober, that I will return to my old self...a selfless person...the person that used to volunteer, the person that was a good mother, the person that would go above and beyond because she enjoyed it. Well, I am 7 days sober , have zero cravings , I'm actually smiling again and I have hope.... I will never drink and be selfish ever again...for me, my boys and my higher power. If I can do it, anyone can. Promise. Thanks for letting me share.

Imabuleva

I can relate. I started this month with the intention of making it a "No Drink December." Turns out I wasn't serious, and I caved on the third or fourth day. Fast forward to December 18 and I had to take myself to the emergency room for digestive system issues and withdrawal symptoms. It was pure hell.

Yay for two week long binges. I even managed to "work" during the binge. But I was mediocre. And last week... well I missed work for most of it solely because I'm an alcoholic and that's what alcoholics do. At least actively drinking one's anyway

Hang in there. You're doing the right thing by stomping this thing into the ground where it needs to be. You're better than some nonsense chemical high.

Let's make 2014 a year to remember!

Saliena

Please don't think the worst is behind you. I would seek a meeting and a sponsor. At the very least come on here and make sure you stay on top of it. It is easy to want to be sober but very hard to actually do it day in and day out. Your boys and yourself deserve so much better.

alphaomega

Oh my goodness, Lisa. Welcome to the family. I don't pick up "selfishness" from you at all, but rather a brave and gentle soul that is addicted to alcohol. Sounds like you are raising two absolutely lovely boys, and I think you can take partial credit for that.

So glad you are here and sharing this journey with us.

XO AO

Dee74

Welcome to SR Breathingtoday

I'm glad you found us - I hope you'll stick around

Congrats on your week

D

breathingToday

Yes! It's going to be wonderful to actually have a year to remember, Ima! It's weird...I have absolutely no desire to drink. That's a first since February 2006. I'm not sure why, but I'm not complaining! I've drank everyday except about 35 days, not consecutive since 2/06.
I know I could have died last week (I didn't go into too much detail of what I truly went through) and it scared me straight...literally.
I do know I have serious depression issues stemming from a long long time ago and I'm going to get counseling for it after the holidays. Making a plan seems to be key from what I've read on these forums.

breathingToday

Thank you all for your support. It's truly appreciated. I'm so happy to be here...and I mean be here, not just reading posts, but be part of the SR family

seahorse661

I relate to your post completely. I used to allow my guilt at my pathetic parenting to be an excuse to drink more.

There's something wonderful for you to look forward to-the day your kids don't look at you with anxiety and fear anymore because they're checking out whether you've been drinking.

All the best to you

KateL

I can relate to the children bit and that was why I finally decided to stop. Congratulations on 7 days and please don't let guilt consume you. You never asked to be this way. Just get better xxxx

Mags1

Welcome and take care, sending you lots of big hugs, breathingToday x

afloatsober

Well done.
It is said that when an alcoholic sobers up at least 4 others benefit... Understatement probably. My parents, my sister and nephew, my partner, her 3 children, her parents, my friends, my bank manager, the cops, my doctor, my landlord, my boss, my co-workers, my local confectioner.... and so it goooooes on.
The still suffering alcoholic, and then there is ME!
I finally treat myself with love and respect.
Be safe and have a wonderful NEW year....
Gary x
We must do it for us, but never underestimate the good that comes from our courage and faith.

FeelingGreat

Welcome breathing today, I hope you stay around. SR has been a huge help to me, in staying sober and learning a lot about life.