First time the hardest?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 64
First time the hardest?
Today I am 7 days sober and struggling, but I made it home from work safe and sound and sober instead of hitting the bar I normally go to. My usual friends are at my usual bar, texting me to come join them. This afternoon even before I got the first text the urge to go came over me pretty strongly (it usually does at that time of day).
The thing is, I've been happy and proud of myself and feeling good these past 7 days, including today. But then that craving hit and it all went out the window. Not even a little bit of it lingered, it was just totally replaced by wanting to go to the bar. And I can honestly say that in that moment and even on the ride home past the turnoff to go drink, I wanted drinking more than I wanted sobriety but I still didn't do it. I knew that just because I wanted drinking the most tonight, tomorrow I would want sobriety but I wouldn't be sober I'd be miserable and in pain.
Took a lot of work tonight to do this, this is usually the point where I cave in and head back out to drink again… 7 days… no longer feeling like crap, caught up on rest, etc. But I had to really just stop everything before I walked out of the building and breathe, and then when I got to my car I sat for a while just thinking. Telling myself that the decision to drink was one of emotion and self-will and impulsiveness and compulsiveness, but the decision to not drink was based on logic and reason. But I'm emotion-driven, I want what I want when I want it and it better feel good, so I tried to focus on the fact that I can feel great, tomorrow, if I just go home tonight. And that I'd feel horrific tomorrow emotionally, if I drank tonight.
So I'm home waiting for dinner to be delivered. I have my little cat on my lap purring, I'm watching tv and surfing the web and going to read afterwards and that's not a bad night at all
I would go to a meeting but by the time I got out of work there no longer were any going on. I'm going to switch to an earlier shift to go to meetings, once my boss returns from vacation next week.
I hope this gets easier. I've been through this a million times, false starts. It's such a habit, physically, emotionally and psychologically, to be in that stupid bar with the same faces every Tuesday and Thursday at the very least. It's hard to turn down on more than one level. I just look forward to this becoming an easier process. More natural and less of a conscious decision every day.
The thing is, I've been happy and proud of myself and feeling good these past 7 days, including today. But then that craving hit and it all went out the window. Not even a little bit of it lingered, it was just totally replaced by wanting to go to the bar. And I can honestly say that in that moment and even on the ride home past the turnoff to go drink, I wanted drinking more than I wanted sobriety but I still didn't do it. I knew that just because I wanted drinking the most tonight, tomorrow I would want sobriety but I wouldn't be sober I'd be miserable and in pain.
Took a lot of work tonight to do this, this is usually the point where I cave in and head back out to drink again… 7 days… no longer feeling like crap, caught up on rest, etc. But I had to really just stop everything before I walked out of the building and breathe, and then when I got to my car I sat for a while just thinking. Telling myself that the decision to drink was one of emotion and self-will and impulsiveness and compulsiveness, but the decision to not drink was based on logic and reason. But I'm emotion-driven, I want what I want when I want it and it better feel good, so I tried to focus on the fact that I can feel great, tomorrow, if I just go home tonight. And that I'd feel horrific tomorrow emotionally, if I drank tonight.
So I'm home waiting for dinner to be delivered. I have my little cat on my lap purring, I'm watching tv and surfing the web and going to read afterwards and that's not a bad night at all
I would go to a meeting but by the time I got out of work there no longer were any going on. I'm going to switch to an earlier shift to go to meetings, once my boss returns from vacation next week.I hope this gets easier. I've been through this a million times, false starts. It's such a habit, physically, emotionally and psychologically, to be in that stupid bar with the same faces every Tuesday and Thursday at the very least. It's hard to turn down on more than one level. I just look forward to this becoming an easier process. More natural and less of a conscious decision every day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 400
Jackie, so proud of you for understanding the triggers and the results. Good for you.
It will get a little easier each and every time you pass the pub on the way home. Time has a tendency to change us all. You are changing for the better. Fantastic. Keep posting and letting us know how you are progressing.
Keep the faith
It will get a little easier each and every time you pass the pub on the way home. Time has a tendency to change us all. You are changing for the better. Fantastic. Keep posting and letting us know how you are progressing.
Keep the faith
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Everything gets easier with practice, even being a sober person. For many it's a switch out of a behavioral "rut" of years or even decades, it can be pretty tough at first changing direction with that much inertia built up. But it's like turning an oil tanker -- you just need to start turning the wheel and give it some time, eventually it'll come around.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 64
The universe is apparently testing me tonight. I just got a message from someone that I have a strange on-again off-again relationship with, also asking me to come meet them in the same bar. Normally this is an opportunity I would jump at in a heartbeat. And I'm ignoring it. Thanks to everybody for the supportive posts, it goes a really really long way to help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Excellent! There is hope
Get drunk, or do not. That is what all of us alcoholics face, every day. Trust me here, find something else to do with your time if you don't want to get drunk
Ypu have and that just warms my heart and gives me strength, thank you
Get drunk, or do not. That is what all of us alcoholics face, every day
. Trust me here, find something else to do with your time if you don't want to get drunk Ypu have and that just warms my heart and gives me strength, thank you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great work Jackie. For me the allure is rooted in emotion also - fine dining, awesome places, travel, attractive women - they all fire up my emotions and then I want a drink - probably to mellow them out a bit. The good news is you can re-program yourself to accept emotions and great experiences sober. And early on one can just avoid the situation entirely - hence no travel or dating for me right now
You're doing great - keep it up!
You're doing great - keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Congratulations Jackie for you being honest with yourself about your drinking. In my beginning I needed to repeat to myself "If I don't pick up the first drink I won't have to get/try sober AGAIN." Remembering my painful drinking experiences also helped.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
It gets easier, Jackie. It really does. You just have to get to the point where not drinking is your new normal. It takes a while. But once your new routine includes things other than drinking, and once you find that new routine, it becomes a lot easier to accept. And the cravings will subside.
Know that you are doing the right thing. Good luck. Stay strong.
Know that you are doing the right thing. Good luck. Stay strong.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by jade123 
I hope this gets easier. I've been through this a million times, false starts. It's such a habit, physically, emotionally and psychologically, to be in that stupid bar with the same faces every Tuesday and Thursday at the very least. It's hard to turn down on more than one level. I just look forward to this becoming an easier process. More natural and less of a conscious decision every day.
Your so on the right journey here, Jade, and you've well described how to get thru your challenges! Well done!
For me, my last quit was the hardest simply because I didn't quit on quitting! My seeing it thru now gives me unlimited freedoms to enjoy my sober life. Oh yeah! It absolutely gets easier when we change to be all we can be to meet whatever challenges! Your a great example of how changing our behaviors pays off now and into tomorrow!
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