Imabuleva

This is what I have been telling myself today as my AV has been whispering in my ear on and off.

I don't know if other alcoholics experience this feeling, but I have noticed that when I am drinking, I always plan to quit "tomorrow" ("One more day" syndrome?). Of course, tomorrow always becomes today and the cycle continues.

And when I am not drinking, my AV tells me that it's okay, I'll drink today only and that's it. After that, I'll take a break for a week and go about my normal life (I know that's not true from experience).

Thepatman

That's a major step forward you made. Recognizing tour AV is key.

Then you need options when it knocks on your door. Call sponsor, go for a walk, anything to keep busy. If you sit on the couch and talk with your AV, you are wasting time. your AV has the emotional development of. 3 year old, I want it now!!

Imabuleva

I either take a walk, study physics / engineering, or play on my computer when it comes knocking. I'm a bit of a nerd

silentrun

That one hit me hard at the beginning. "Just tonight. Just get drunk tonight" It did that every night for about 6 weeks.

Dee74

I never drank for just one day - not in the last 15 years of my drinking anyway.

Good for you for acknowledging that about yourself Ima

D

Imabuleva

If I were to drink right now, Dee, it wouldn't be for just one day either. I would just tell myself it's for "tonight only," but in reality it would turn into a binge. Because there's nothing stopping me from doing the same thing tomorrow or the next day or the next day.

The only thing that stopped me last time was repulsion toward ingesting anything due to binge induced digestive system problems.

PurpleKnight

Yeah once I start it doesn't stop!!

Computer games are great though for passing time, hours can fly by blocking out all temptation in the evenings after work!!

silentrun

It goes away. Just keep saying NO.

Serotonin

I've had literally thousands of "I'll get drunk tonight, but then I quit" nights. It just doesn't work that way. I have been trying that one for a long time.

Forgive me, what is "AV"?

Alcoholic voice?

2014

I didn't even say "I'll start tomorrow". I said "new years resolution". That was on December 20 and I realised what an idiot I was being and started right then. So on New Years I'll have nearly two weeks behind me. Not used to feeling proud of myself for not drinking. Can this be me?

sillysuzanfree

Every time I think drinking sounds good, I think about what will happen tomorrow...I will either wake up and think "I blew it and have to start all over again" or...most likely I will want to continue drinking and it will turn into another bender. Playing the tape all the way through really works for me.

Mikie9

AV is Addict voice Serotonin, for me. it is the voice that tells you you can drink or do your drug of choice just this once. It is how we got here, this voice. You don't notice it until you become addicted and don't know how to fill your time without the drink or drug. it is why most of us had to hit bottom and feel miserable with life before we ever even thought of quitting, continuing drinking and drugging through good and bad times making this part of us content. That voice, feeling, is the problem.

buleva I am gonna call out your AV, and point it out with this statement you wrote. "And when I am not drinking, my AV tells me that it's okay, I'll drink today only and that's it. After that, I'll take a break for a week" Take a break for a week? If you could take a break for a week after everytime you got drunk, you wouldn't be here

And yes, I think we all experience this. I now I do every day when I drive home from work. Good day, bad day it doesn't matter.

My mind is trying to tell me to just get drunk tonight, even just to think about how well I have been doing not drinking. <----- see???? I do and no, I am not falling for it. That is what got me where I am and where I am fighting all day long to get away from. Thre is no "just tonight"

diffingo911

AV is SO-o-o-o Patient-

Thepatman

Mikie, nicelly done! Yep AV is patient and will take advantage of any situation that we are vulnerable to strike.

InvisibleFrank

I have find it useful to come up with a list of about 10 answer phrases to "actively and consciously" talk to my AV. Eg... My AV would always say to me;
"Hey! You could die tomorrow so who cares what happens, lets have fun tonight while you can and make the most of the time you have and lets have a party, it doesn't matter!"

I would always fall for it, then I became aware of my AV as you have and started to take note of the it's techniques and bargaining systems. Once I knew them I came up with strong and rational responses. My answer to the above "tell" (I call the AV bargaining plea a 'tell') became this; "yes I might die tomorrow, so if that is tomorrow, it doesn't matter today. If I don't get drunk tonight or tomorrow, it makes no difference either. I don't want to spend my last few hours drunk or hungover".

The AV would leave me alone.

There are many more of my own 'tells'. Everyone has their own, work out yours, as soon as they pop in to your head spend that moment thinking about the best argument against what your AV is telling you or asking you. Remember it for the next time. I eventually started to come up with 'tells' and solutions with my non AV so I could get the jump on him and beat him to it to it ! This might work for you. Good luck!

Mikie9

Good post frank. if someone else walked up and tried to give us something we KNEW would hurt us and make us unhappy would we just take it anyway? No I doubt any of us would.

But when it's "US", "ME" saying it, for some reason we consider it, I have often acted upon it in good faith...

The most messed up way of thinking... and we have to deal with it every day. But that part of my brain will not win ever again. It can't... once it does I am lost. ME! I am lost again to a stupid buzz that isn't real and I am trapped again not being ME!