liss74

I know to ring my sponser before I pick up but refuse to cause I wanted a drink omg what's wrong with me the more slips I have the more I slip

LadyinBC

You have a disease. It's cunning, baffling and powerful. It tells us to refuse the help and to pick up that drink.

You are no alone in this Liss. You can fight that AV that tells you to drink. You have the strength deep inside, you just have to find it and hold on to it. You do have it or you wouldn't be posting here.

IOAA2

Hi. When I first entered AA I was much the same. I wanted to drink more than I wanted to get sober. Upon examining the reasons for my 4th I believe I was immature emotionally and quite undisciplined. I found out that my Character defects are not thoughts, feelings or emotions. Character defects are the ACTIONS which result when thoughts, feelings and emotions run rampant and are out of control.

BE WELL

Jeni26

Liss, I've replied to you on the 12 step forum. Are you in the UK?

It's harder to get up the more times we fall I reckon...but you can do this. I know it xx

liss74

australia

Dee74

It can be like that Liss - and every time you drink, you beat yourself down a little more, you lose a little more self esteem, and taking a drink seems a little easier.

You can break the cycle - with some work and commitment - you know what to do - you did it for 10 months - you just have to apply the brakes to this runaway train thing you have going on.

There's a part of you that wants to stay sober - give every thing you have to that part - call in all the help and support you need to the next time that little voice tells you that you can 'get away' with a drink.

you can do this. I believe in you

D

Jeni26

I'm with Dee...you can do this. I believe in you too xx

Thepatman

Don't give please Liss. Take all those negative feelings you are feeling and throw them at who really deserves it, your AV. Hate it with all your guts.

And get up fast, the longer you let the AV feed the hungrier it get. Thoughts like, I slipped, might as well have fun until the new year are not from you.

Good luck, we are here, fighting in your corner

EndGameNYC

The best predictor for a relapse is having had a prior relapse. The more I relapse, the more likely I'll relapse again.

The solution is to put down the drink, get the help I need, and make a commitment not to drink no matter what.

KateL

I had hundreds of relapses, I am sure you will fair much better than that. Don't give up. x