Staying sober/clean during christmas is harder than I thought..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Staying sober/clean during christmas is harder than I thought..
So this has been my first sober christmas since I started using and I didn't think that it was going to be a problem...I was wrong.
Yesterday I went to my sister's house on christmas eve. A lot of people were drinking wine and I felt fine at first just drinkin' my coffee, but as the evening went on I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. No one was drunk, but you can tell my brother-in-law had been drinking and he seemed to be having a really good time, and I began to feel jealous that I can't be "normal" like everyone else and just have a few glasses of wine on occasion. As the bad feelings grew I wanted to use/drink more and more. I started having all these crazy thoughts, like I remembered how my nephew is prescribed codeine and maybe it's somewhere in the house, and I remembered how my aunt is on kolonipin and maybe theres some in her purse, and I remembered how I found a large amount of weed in my sisters car before and maybe she still keeps it there.. and of course the bottles of wine and beer were just sitting there taunting me as I'm being eaten alive by my thoughts.. So I went outside for a cigarette and called my sponsor, he calmed me down, and went back in.. Well I felt better for like 30 minutes but the anxiety came back and when it was time to leave and I went and got my coat from my sisters room(everyone put their coats on my sisters bed) I impulsivley opened up her dresser drawer and found a bottle of muscle relaxers.. I took 5 of them out the bottle and shoved them in my pocket and left with my mom.. I felt like such a frigin piece of sh*t loser. When we got in the car I knew, I knew, what would happen if I took those pills. I wouldn't stop at the pills, I would keep using until I die, kill myself, or get locked up. So I told my mom to stop and I gave her all the pills I had and explained to her everything and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. She was very understanding and proud of me and she even said "It's moments like these where I have hope that you're gonna make it."
And dinner today at my cousins wasn't as bad.. there was a bottle of wine, and beer in the garage that I could have taken and ran off with at any time.. but I didn't and I'm glad because I'm 38 days clean and sober today.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the long post.. I just had to get that all off my chest.
Yesterday I went to my sister's house on christmas eve. A lot of people were drinking wine and I felt fine at first just drinkin' my coffee, but as the evening went on I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. No one was drunk, but you can tell my brother-in-law had been drinking and he seemed to be having a really good time, and I began to feel jealous that I can't be "normal" like everyone else and just have a few glasses of wine on occasion. As the bad feelings grew I wanted to use/drink more and more. I started having all these crazy thoughts, like I remembered how my nephew is prescribed codeine and maybe it's somewhere in the house, and I remembered how my aunt is on kolonipin and maybe theres some in her purse, and I remembered how I found a large amount of weed in my sisters car before and maybe she still keeps it there.. and of course the bottles of wine and beer were just sitting there taunting me as I'm being eaten alive by my thoughts.. So I went outside for a cigarette and called my sponsor, he calmed me down, and went back in.. Well I felt better for like 30 minutes but the anxiety came back and when it was time to leave and I went and got my coat from my sisters room(everyone put their coats on my sisters bed) I impulsivley opened up her dresser drawer and found a bottle of muscle relaxers.. I took 5 of them out the bottle and shoved them in my pocket and left with my mom.. I felt like such a frigin piece of sh*t loser. When we got in the car I knew, I knew, what would happen if I took those pills. I wouldn't stop at the pills, I would keep using until I die, kill myself, or get locked up. So I told my mom to stop and I gave her all the pills I had and explained to her everything and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. She was very understanding and proud of me and she even said "It's moments like these where I have hope that you're gonna make it."
And dinner today at my cousins wasn't as bad.. there was a bottle of wine, and beer in the garage that I could have taken and ran off with at any time.. but I didn't and I'm glad because I'm 38 days clean and sober today.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the long post.. I just had to get that all off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Don't worry about "long" posts, let out what you need to and use us guys to lean on for support!
The concept of "normal" is a myth, especially to us who are addicted, having 1 beer or 1 glass doesn't work, we need to have a case of beer or the whole bottle, and that is the problem, so abstaining is the only answer.
You showed great strength and courage to be honest with your mom.
Your right, Xmas is tough but you got through it, your NOT a loser, but rather someone who has now been pushing through and winning the daily battles for 38 Days! be very proud of yourself!!
The concept of "normal" is a myth, especially to us who are addicted, having 1 beer or 1 glass doesn't work, we need to have a case of beer or the whole bottle, and that is the problem, so abstaining is the only answer.
You showed great strength and courage to be honest with your mom.
Your right, Xmas is tough but you got through it, your NOT a loser, but rather someone who has now been pushing through and winning the daily battles for 38 Days! be very proud of yourself!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 25
Alright there J, don,t know how you managed to get through that. I had to stay away from my family home for Xmas as I,m only 60 days today. I went on skype to them and it just seemed mad, them all drinking and chatting absolute nonsense.
Glad I didn,t go, though I,m very lucky to have a partner who is in AA and 13 months dry, couldnt have got this far but for her. Anyway well done for resisting the temption. 
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
You did good Jake.
Yeah, the holidays are problematic for a lot of people, and you just completed a good sober workout, including sober weightlifting. Now you're much more prepared for the main event; the often dramatic downtime that comes after the holidays. Assuming you'll stay sober through New Year's, and I hope that you do.
It's not the holidays that kill people; it's the winter months that follow, when all the hype and expectations lie dormant, deceased, really, because few of them came to pass. I think this is especially true for people who live in cold-weather states. That's only one reason why I have a great deal of difficulty with promises/resolutions to make dramatic changes after the holidays. In my experience, AA meetings thin out leading up to the new year, and then start filling up again after the new year.
Yet, there's no better time to start building a better life than the present, and this is particularly so during the holidays.
Keep up the good work.
Yeah, the holidays are problematic for a lot of people, and you just completed a good sober workout, including sober weightlifting. Now you're much more prepared for the main event; the often dramatic downtime that comes after the holidays. Assuming you'll stay sober through New Year's, and I hope that you do.
It's not the holidays that kill people; it's the winter months that follow, when all the hype and expectations lie dormant, deceased, really, because few of them came to pass. I think this is especially true for people who live in cold-weather states. That's only one reason why I have a great deal of difficulty with promises/resolutions to make dramatic changes after the holidays. In my experience, AA meetings thin out leading up to the new year, and then start filling up again after the new year.
Yet, there's no better time to start building a better life than the present, and this is particularly so during the holidays.
Keep up the good work.
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