Dreamer0

Hi Everyone,

I have never been as honest with anyone as I am about to be right now. I have crippling social anxiety disorder, and without alcohol, I can barely make a phone call or send a text message, let alone socialize without it. I haven't always been this bad, but a relationship went horribly sour and other traumatic things happened that have turned me into a complete recluse. I have wasted a year of my life drinking completely by myself (though i used to drink with people). I almost prefer drinking alone now, which is strange. My drinking career has been 13 years.

In the past I was a social butterfly, always dating, socializing (lots of friends) etc... Of course, none of that would have been possible without alcohol as I was loaded on every date, and even drinking to cut the anxiety at work. Even in long term relationships I wasn't comfortable enough around my boyfriends to be sober until about a year into the relationships. I have been using alcohol as a crutch since I was 15 (I'm 28). As soon as I took my first sip, all of my uptight, tense energy disappeared and I was actually able to talk to anyone and everyone. if not for alcohol, I would never have had one boyfriend, night on the town, and countless memories with friends.

The problem is that it's not working like used to anymore. Instead of having 1 or 2 glasses of wine and feeling seriously buzzed and ready to socialize, it takes 2 or more bottles of red wine for me to feel that same effect and I usually just pass out, which I never used to do. I see a doctor and take meds for my anxiety and depression, but none of it is strong enough for social situations.

How am I ever going to stop drinking if it's the only way I can socialize? How will I ever be able to get married? How will I ever be able to leave my house?

MemphisBlues

Welcome to SR.

I think many of us ignored a crucial sign about our drinking when we realized it wasn't working anymore.

I kept repeating the same insane behavior for a few decades before I got sober on October 15, 2010.

One thing that helped me get and maintain sobriety was realizing that I wasn't alone, that there were people just like me out there and reaching out to them and receiving help was nothing short of a life saving event.

Thanks for reaching out here.

Thepatman

This is unfortunately a progressive problem, Your body becomes more and more tolerant to booze, your brain chemistry changes, you change.

Good news is that this is not a death sentence. You can change if you really want to. You are young, attack this now, don't wait 20 years like I did.

Good luck friend. Have you looked at options like AA for example? That could help you socialize a bit, sober?

PurpleKnight

Drinking alone was my speciality, drinking with people was too much of a chore, keeping up with rounds, ordering drinks in a bar etc etc, just give me a bottle of Irish whisky and leave me alone to blackout into bed in peace.

The problem though is your right, it starts to take more and more to reach the same effect, glasses become a bottle, a bottle becomes multiple bottles.

The first thing I'd say though is all those fears are unknown, your worried about not being able to do something without having tried it, and that is understandable it's a scary thing giving up alcohol, who knows what may happen.

But the easy thing is to not try, staying in our comfort zones is easy, we've been doing it for years, but you need to take a leap of faith that everything is going to be ok, there are many people on this Forum with years of sobriety and have marriage/kids/jobs . . . we all have to just take that one leap of faith and see where the rabbit hole goes!!

Inca

Hi there! I suffer from anxiety as well and take medications for it. What I didn't realize is that drinking was making the anxiety a hundred times worse. It used to be so bad that I would over analyze everything that anyone said and rehearsed my responses in my head. Now that I have been sober for three months, the anxiety has gotten a lot better.

It's worth it to stop drinking. Maybe give it a try for awhile and see what you think? Meetings are a good way to start meeting people and getting out of the house. If you have anxiety at first, you can just listen.

Hang in there. You sound a lot like me when I was 28 (I'm 32 now). I realized that I was never going to get married or enjoy life if I didn't do something about the alcohol and get out of the house. Things are much better now all the way around.

Received

My experience is one fed off the other and frankly, as I look back, I couldn't tell you which started first.

For a very long time I blamed anxiety on why I drank but I now know the drinking eventually caused the anxiety so it became one vicious and horrible cycle.

BlueSkiesAB

Hi DreamerO, welcome to the group! THANK you for your honesty, I can only imagine how hard that was and how hard it may be to be here on SR. You are NOT alone with your drinking. This is a safe place for you to be so visit often. Lots of support here!

Your anxiety disorder does sound pretty advanced. Have you tried therapy?

Dreamer0

Thank you, that makes me happy to know that the anxiety get better without the booze. Did it take the full 3 months to feel less anxious? I had a feeling the alcohol was feeding the anxiety, now I know for sure...

Dreamer0

I have, and it definitely helps, but not enough. I always come running back to the bottle.

Dreamer0

How did you break the cycle? what was it like?

EndGameNYC

You can start by getting the help you need, and then stick with it. Your road is a very difficult one, but one that certainly deserves your attention, time and effort. The best treatment is a combination of medication and therapy, with many able to discontinue their meds over time.

Psychological dependence is described as believing that I need alcohol in order to function normally. You're deep into it, and now is the time to start digging your way out.

sugarbear1

self centered fear shows up in all kinds of ways

maybe try not drinking?

Erik1980

12 days in to sobriety I'm surprised and happy to discover how much my social anxiety has diminished. The cycle of binge and withdrawl causes more anxiety than you could ever realize and / or would like to admit.

KateL

Yes one fed off the other in my case too. It has lessened since I became sober but I do still have treatment for it ten years later.

littlefish

A lot of us self medicated secondary illnesses by using alcohol. You can learn methods for coping socially with a good therapist. You will quickly discover with therapy and a recovery program that you don't need alcohol to cure anxiety of any kind. The alcohol will backfire on you eventually and CAUSE anxiety.

2bstrong

You are not alone. I was an outgoing guy, loved spending time with family, but alcohol gave me the social anxiety I now have. I always drank a lone daily and in relationships. But things that called me out of the house, I hated to be bothered. Wanted the security that the bottle nearby gave me. My family has told me straight up, how come you never come to dinner anymore. I also never call my friends. Just saw my girlfriend when I didn't screw it up with fight. It's never to late to quit! Recover. I feel better even after day 3 of my last relapse. You start seeing the light again. And being around SR has given me so much hope to what to expect. I've been on the site at least 3-4 hours a day this week diving head first to recovery. You can do it, good luck. You and your mind needs to be free in order to regain happiness and connections with people again.

Anna

I, too, have a lot of anxiety, particularly in social situations. Alcohol certainly made socializing easier and enjoyable for me, but as others have said, the alcohol feeds the anxiety and the anxiety grows and the alcoholism gets worse. I take medication for depression but it does not help at all with anxiety. For me, I do choose to socialize less. It's what works for me and I'm very comfortable with my life now.

EverySngleNight

I have the worst anxiety. I have spun into agoraphobia for the second time in my life. I'm in a day program now that does 6 hours a day of group counseling. It's really been helping. I've been able to do a couple of things since I started, that I wasn't able to do before. SO, that is keeping me going. AND I'm doing those things sober! (I started off in detox, and have been following the chain of referrals since)

I was prescribed a lot of different medications in the past, but I think the Doctors FINALLY got it right, because things are feeling a lot more managable. The physical symptoms have improved enough where I'm able to focus on using the new coping skills that I'm learning.

I definitely could not get the benefits of these meds or the intensive counseling, if I were drinking. You really shouldn't drink and take psych meds of any kind! That's a really really bad idea.

For example, I know for a FACT that Wellbutrin and Jose Quervo have major beef with each other. They can't even be in the same room. I introduced them once, and they left my place looking like a tornado ripped through it. That's just one example of the many "introductions" I've witnessed going horribly wrong. Those two groups don't mix... It's kinda like introducing your current boyfriend to your new boyfriend... not cool. ;-)

I hope you're seeing an actual psychiatrist and not just a GP for your medication? You wouldn't see a dentist for a prostate exam... Well, I guess you COULD but...Yeah... anyway.

When we are self-medicating with alcohol it's NOT to have "fun". I don't know anyone that would describe being an alcoholic as "fun". Self-medicating in the case of social anxiety, is really fear based. A lot of times it's the fear of rejection or "looking stupid" (or something similar). That's usually rooted in an invisible core belief that we are not worth anything, or not "good enough", etc. And, that nasty little seed has often been planted by someone that should've cared for and protected us- but instead hurt us. (maybe it's different for you, but I've DEFINITELY noticed a trend since meeting more people with anxiety in recovery.)

Drinking alcohol is such a temporary fix and hides the real issues WAY down below the surface. Consciously or not, that might be just where we like them... Enter denial!! This becomes a perpetual cycle that feeds itself. We can get so bogged down in it, that we can't see the forest for the trees. The anxiety feeds the drinking and the drinking feeds the anxiety. Round and round we go... Utterly FAILING to address what's at the CORE. Core beliefs, that we learned somewhere along the way, have taught us that it's "okay" to hurt ourselves. Some abuse alcohol. I abuse myself with alcohol.

You can't truly love yourself and drink like an alcoholic. I've decided that it's just not possible. It's not okay to harm ourselves, no matter what tool we use. That kind of mentality needs to be addressed by competent professionals. Seriously.

There are programs and specialists out there. People who know SO MUCH, and are there to help. If you reach out and are honest about what you're going through, you WILL get the help you need.

You could call a rehab, a social worker, an addiction specialist, a detox center, or even a close friend -and tell them- "I'm suffering with major anxiety and I'm self-medicating with alcohol. I don't want to do that anymore, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know where to start. Can you help me gather information or provide me with a referral?"

We don't have to live like this. Fear is survival mode! Truly. "Surviving" isn't really living. I'm starting to see that I'm improving! I'm starting to believe that I really can get well. I finally have some hope back!

Dual-diagnosis does require a bit of extra support. I've tried to do it on my own and through recovery programs, etc. But, in the end none of that stuff completely addressed my mental health issues appropriately. It's a chicken/egg scenario- so you kinda HAVE to throw everything at it AND the kitchen sink.

I'm in this process myself. SO, if there is any support that I can offer you, let me know. We're total strangers to each other-BUT- I know what it's like, I really do care, and I'll gladly offer a hand if I'm able. Crippling anxiety and alcohol addiction are damn near impossible to face alone. I couldn't do it! And honestly, no one should have to.

Keep posting. Sending my best!

Feel free to PM me any time.

EndGameNYC

Loved reading your comments, EverySngleNight.

Dee74

some great advice here Dreamer0.

LIke others have said - I found the fear of facing life and doing things sober was much MUCH worse than the reality.

It was tough in a few parts, but you're not alone.

I also recommend seeing a professional if your anxiety impedes your life

D