Lucyishere

After nearly 15 years I am finally starting to wake up and admit I am a drug addict. I have a beautiful Son whom I share care of and I work full time. I am only just keeping my life together. I live alone except when my son is with me so I can use easily. My family and some friends know I have had issues with depression and have used drugs at times. They have no idea how bad things actually are. I started using drugs and alcohol when I was 13 and used heavily until I went to rehab at 18. After that and over the next 8 or so years I managed to drink and take drugs occasionally although codeine and xanax were taken daily. For the last year I have been in a living hell. I am smoking meth 3 times a week, taking large amounts of Ritalin daily, codeine daily etc. Luckily i had such a hard time detoxing from xanax that I didn't touch that this time. I am seriously underweight, emotional, sick and so unhappy. I can see everything unravelling as I am becoming unable to keep my life looking amazing and functional. I went to rehab again in June this year but told myself I was only going for a break. That I wasn't an addict, that I only used as I was depressed. This is what I told my family and friends who seemed to buy it. I didn't use for a week after I left (pathetic I know). And then I was back in full swing. Taking increasingly larger and larger amounts of drugs and making excuses to myself about it. It finally hit me the other evening as I sat on my laundry floor smoking meth at 3am. I am an addict. I am one of the people that I scoffed at when I went to NA meetings at rehab. I always told myself that I am not one of them. That I can control my use. I can't. I need help. I need to get clean.

UnixBer

Welcome to SR Lucy! You'll find plenty of support and information here.

Inca

Welcome! Awareness is the first step to making positive changes in our lives. I can definitely relate to your story as it has taken me many trips to treatment and several years to not only realize that I had a problem, but slowly begin to understand the problem, what I can do, and then begin to make changes.

Glad you're here and opening up to the group.

HenryKrinkle

Welcome to SR Lucy. We are glad to have you here.

doggonecarl

Go back to NA. Insteading of scoffing, you can share.

Beanie25

Hello lucy. I was in denial for years until I literally had nothing left, and I mean lost everything. The day I asked for help saved my life. Well done, that is a huge step you have taken. Be totally honest with your doctor to start. You can do this.

Seabee

I think you made the most important step. You admitted to yourself that you have a problem. You have no hope until you can do that, and you did it!!!

Welcome! Stay here! I am only on day 2 of my sobriety, but this place helps. You aren't alone.