Meltdown and candy....
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Meltdown and candy....
Yesterday was an overwhelming pile of $hit. The car battery died, my final for school was not done, argument with spouse, bank account being sucked dry due to the holidays. I was overwhelmed and found myself on the floor, next to my bed halfway under it, crying. Sobbing to be exact. I had the phone in one ear, SR on the computer, and a bottle of Kava that I was taking to get me to calm down and refocus.
Honestly, I was not sure what was going on but I could not see myself enduring all the $hit that was happening. Thankfully, after a long rant (that I did not post on here) I came to my senses, finished my paper, the Christmas tree that leaning was put upright, I stopped crying, my husband got a new battery, we managed to get the laundry done.
I then walked down to the store and bought candy, watched Doctor who for a good hour or so until I fell asleep exhausted and thinking that life is surely difficult at times. However, it would be more difficult if I was drinking.
I would be hungover this morning if I drank and i had a few discussions to post for school. I am officially on Vacation as of this moment. 9 solid months of schooling and I made it to this break.
It was a battle. Complete battle to get here!
Honestly, I was not sure what was going on but I could not see myself enduring all the $hit that was happening. Thankfully, after a long rant (that I did not post on here) I came to my senses, finished my paper, the Christmas tree that leaning was put upright, I stopped crying, my husband got a new battery, we managed to get the laundry done.
I then walked down to the store and bought candy, watched Doctor who for a good hour or so until I fell asleep exhausted and thinking that life is surely difficult at times. However, it would be more difficult if I was drinking.
I would be hungover this morning if I drank and i had a few discussions to post for school. I am officially on Vacation as of this moment. 9 solid months of schooling and I made it to this break.
It was a battle. Complete battle to get here!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mizz))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))
(That's the biggest virtual hug that's ever been given on the Internet)
You are AH-mazing. For getting through this. Doing it sober. And for giving yourself permission to fall the f-ck apart. I'm going to try the half under the bed thing next time I'm having a breakdown (which right now is about every fifteen minutes). I think it will somehow make me feel protected.
Sending so much love to your spirit ...
XO AO
(That's the biggest virtual hug that's ever been given on the Internet)
You are AH-mazing. For getting through this. Doing it sober. And for giving yourself permission to fall the f-ck apart. I'm going to try the half under the bed thing next time I'm having a breakdown (which right now is about every fifteen minutes). I think it will somehow make me feel protected.
Sending so much love to your spirit ...
XO AO
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
What a crap-tastic day you had!! As you said, life surely IS difficult at times. But you faced it, head on. That is what I took from your post. You didn't stay under the bed. You didn't try to avoid the problems you faced by drinking. You did what had to be done.
For that, you should be very,very proud. Well done.
For that, you should be very,very proud. Well done.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mizz))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))
(That's the biggest virtual hug that's ever been given on the Internet)
You are AH-mazing. For getting through this. Doing it sober. And for giving yourself permission to fall the f-ck apart. I'm going to try the half under the bed thing next time I'm having a breakdown (which right now is about every fifteen minutes). I think it will somehow make me feel protected.
Sending so much love to your spirit ...
XO AO
(That's the biggest virtual hug that's ever been given on the Internet)
You are AH-mazing. For getting through this. Doing it sober. And for giving yourself permission to fall the f-ck apart. I'm going to try the half under the bed thing next time I'm having a breakdown (which right now is about every fifteen minutes). I think it will somehow make me feel protected.
Sending so much love to your spirit ...
XO AO
Alpha,
You are doing well. Keep moving forward. You were right, this Solstice is doing a number on people.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Tis my friend. Tis.
I cant believe the number of people with overwhelming anxiety, depression, inability to stabilze, etc. I'm holding out for brighter days but wowzers buddy. Just WOW.
My intuition tell me this is actually a gift in strange wrapping. A release of all the old to bring in the new energy. That this is necessary for our spiritual growth.
I hope my intuition isn't a lying @$$hat.
I cant believe the number of people with overwhelming anxiety, depression, inability to stabilze, etc. I'm holding out for brighter days but wowzers buddy. Just WOW.
My intuition tell me this is actually a gift in strange wrapping. A release of all the old to bring in the new energy. That this is necessary for our spiritual growth.
I hope my intuition isn't a lying @$$hat.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by alphaomega
Tis my friend. Tis.
I cant believe the number of people with overwhelming anxiety, depression, inability to stabilze, etc. I'm holding out for brighter days but wowzers buddy. Just WOW.
My intuition tell me this is actually a gift in strange wrapping. A release of all the old to bring in the new energy. That this is necessary for our spiritual growth.
I hope my intuition isn't a lying @$$hat.
I cant believe the number of people with overwhelming anxiety, depression, inability to stabilze, etc. I'm holding out for brighter days but wowzers buddy. Just WOW.
My intuition tell me this is actually a gift in strange wrapping. A release of all the old to bring in the new energy. That this is necessary for our spiritual growth.
I hope my intuition isn't a lying @$$hat.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Today was better than yesterday. I mean, anything is better than laying on the floor under a bed crying. I guess I just needed to be able to release all that built up negative stuff, snot and all, and move onto the next thing.
Packages arrived in time for Christmas, or the Holiday (whatever does not offend). Work was alright. Nothing worth talking about, which can be a good thing.
The New Year is almost here, and I am so ready to start a New Year. I have had my fair share of challenges this year, and I know that the next year can not or will not be filled with such catastrophe...... (Catastrophe should end in a Y, no?)
SR you have been a shining light in all of my troubles. The faceless people that I have become close with. The people that have read some of my darker thoughts and moments. The vulnerable feelings that have been written and held without judgement. I appreciate the love and kindness. I would not understand myself as well as I do without reading my thoughts and feelings in others. So, once again I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and soul.
Anna, Dee, Hevyn, Least, and all the other Mods, keep up the Amazing life saving work. You have influenced me in a big way! Bravo!
I lift my class of Recharge to you! Cheers!
Packages arrived in time for Christmas, or the Holiday (whatever does not offend). Work was alright. Nothing worth talking about, which can be a good thing.
The New Year is almost here, and I am so ready to start a New Year. I have had my fair share of challenges this year, and I know that the next year can not or will not be filled with such catastrophe...... (Catastrophe should end in a Y, no?)
SR you have been a shining light in all of my troubles. The faceless people that I have become close with. The people that have read some of my darker thoughts and moments. The vulnerable feelings that have been written and held without judgement. I appreciate the love and kindness. I would not understand myself as well as I do without reading my thoughts and feelings in others. So, once again I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and soul.
Anna, Dee, Hevyn, Least, and all the other Mods, keep up the Amazing life saving work. You have influenced me in a big way! Bravo!
I lift my class of Recharge to you! Cheers!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
You did well, Mizz! Congrats! Where I live it was -14 F last night, and the "warmest" it got today was -7 F. No battery trouble but this kind of weather really is a test of man/woman and machine!
I also finished the semester last week; I feel your pain. Work has been $h!tty, the accountant didn't get my vacation pay on my check so I was broke right before Xmas, I had tons of papers and tests to finish school...etc. Sometimes it ain't easy.
But it's amazing how easy it feels compared to when I was drinking. The simplest things were almost unmanageable, and when something serious came along I would just check out. I just try to be in the moment and use that experience to "level out" a bit. When things are going well I don't let myself get cocky or gloat because experience says there will be bumps in the road ahead. And when I hit those bumps I don't freak out because I know they won't last, either.
I also finished the semester last week; I feel your pain. Work has been $h!tty, the accountant didn't get my vacation pay on my check so I was broke right before Xmas, I had tons of papers and tests to finish school...etc. Sometimes it ain't easy.
But it's amazing how easy it feels compared to when I was drinking. The simplest things were almost unmanageable, and when something serious came along I would just check out. I just try to be in the moment and use that experience to "level out" a bit. When things are going well I don't let myself get cocky or gloat because experience says there will be bumps in the road ahead. And when I hit those bumps I don't freak out because I know they won't last, either.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus
You did well, Mizz! Congrats! Where I live it was -14 F last night, and the "warmest" it got today was -7 F. No battery trouble but this kind of weather really is a test of man/woman and machine!
I also finished the semester last week; I feel your pain. Work has been $h!tty, the accountant didn't get my vacation pay on my check so I was broke right before Xmas, I had tons of papers and tests to finish school...etc. Sometimes it ain't easy.
But it's amazing how easy it feels compared to when I was drinking. The simplest things were almost unmanageable, and when something serious came along I would just check out. I just try to be in the moment and use that experience to "level out" a bit. When things are going well I don't let myself get cocky or gloat because experience says there will be bumps in the road ahead. And when I hit those bumps I don't freak out because I know they won't last, either.
I also finished the semester last week; I feel your pain. Work has been $h!tty, the accountant didn't get my vacation pay on my check so I was broke right before Xmas, I had tons of papers and tests to finish school...etc. Sometimes it ain't easy.
But it's amazing how easy it feels compared to when I was drinking. The simplest things were almost unmanageable, and when something serious came along I would just check out. I just try to be in the moment and use that experience to "level out" a bit. When things are going well I don't let myself get cocky or gloat because experience says there will be bumps in the road ahead. And when I hit those bumps I don't freak out because I know they won't last, either.
I am glad that you made it through the semester, and that you are able to take things as they come. Hopefully, the Holiday will be beautiful despite the lack of funds that the accountant did not get to you. I am sorry to hear this. However, we are still moving along. Life moves and we move with it. Thankfully, we both get to rest here for a bit. Have a great holiday Myth. Happy New Year!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Well, I did get paid Friday, so it was a mad rush to finish my shopping but I did so today. Man- shopping in the middle of the day 2 days before Xmas is not an experience I ever want to endure again!
It could almost make me want to drink again! But only almost.
It could almost make me want to drink again! But only almost.
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