Christmas 2013
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Christmas 2013
Eighty six Christmases, eighty-six New Years, have come and gone for me. Half of my contemporaries, among them my closest friends, have died. The only ones living in my ancestral family are three cousins, all of whom live far away and from whom I hear rarely if at all. My children live far away. Only one grandchild lives nearby but we see her rarely because of the bitterness of her mother’s divorce. My wife and I have increasing health issues, she wih cancer and loss of eyesight, I with heart. Christmas then tends to be lonely and haunted by old memories.
Among my blessings are 25 years of sobriety. Yet there are so many things left to be done. I have not learned as much as I should have learned. I have not learned enough to take it easy, not to try to do too much, to do things more slowly. to accept more the things I cannot change, to know what these things are, to live with loneliness, to rely more on books, music and old movies on TV, recalling my boyhood days when I would go on a Saturday afternoon to see Gary Cooper or Bette Davis for a quarter, my weekly allowance. I must learn more to appreciate the glorious sunsets and see them as a metaphor for my life, to look at the lilies and the irises which come up in midsummer, to see the love in my dog’s eyes, To feel an increasing sense of something after death, perhaps not the conventional angel frequented, cloud ridden version of the Bible, but an altenate reality, coexistent with our own in which those we have loved still survive. An alternate reality glimpsed while listening to Caruso, the old recordings my father loved, a voice filled with nostalgic sadness,
The still, sad music of humanity,
Nor harsh nor grating, though of ample power
To chasten and subdue. And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man;
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thought,
And rolls through all things.
Wordsworth, Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey
Among my blessings are 25 years of sobriety. Yet there are so many things left to be done. I have not learned as much as I should have learned. I have not learned enough to take it easy, not to try to do too much, to do things more slowly. to accept more the things I cannot change, to know what these things are, to live with loneliness, to rely more on books, music and old movies on TV, recalling my boyhood days when I would go on a Saturday afternoon to see Gary Cooper or Bette Davis for a quarter, my weekly allowance. I must learn more to appreciate the glorious sunsets and see them as a metaphor for my life, to look at the lilies and the irises which come up in midsummer, to see the love in my dog’s eyes, To feel an increasing sense of something after death, perhaps not the conventional angel frequented, cloud ridden version of the Bible, but an altenate reality, coexistent with our own in which those we have loved still survive. An alternate reality glimpsed while listening to Caruso, the old recordings my father loved, a voice filled with nostalgic sadness,
The still, sad music of humanity,
Nor harsh nor grating, though of ample power
To chasten and subdue. And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man;
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thought,
And rolls through all things.
Wordsworth, Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
What a lovely post and congratulations on your long-term sobriety. Sorry that your wife is poorly. I believe in an alternate reality too. Perhaps I'll see you there one day 
and have a good Christmas xxxx
and have a good Christmas xxxx
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Thank you for a touching post. I recently lost an old friend and have also been thinking a lot about the past...about paths taken, choices made or not made, and how they bring us to where we are right now.
Merry Christmas, wpainter.
Merry Christmas, wpainter.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
It's ironic that I had Bette Davis in my
thoughts this morning and here I read
your share mentioning Bette Davis too.
For some wonderful reason our thoughts
were meant to connect. At least that is
what my heart is telling me.
Living a life in recovery has it's many
blessings and rewards in which we treasure
them each day we remain sober. Your many
years sober has not gone unnoticed or
unrecognized by many who have either
quietly followed in ur footsteps or physically
sat along side you in meetings.
For some remarkable reason, you and
your wife are being taken care of, looked
after, guided, comforted, care for by that
larger than life Being, way up in the sky.
That tiny Infant born many years ago laying
in a manger. That Bright Star that shined
so brightly on Christmas Day.
It's that glow or faith that burns deep within your
heart, soul and mind that gives you a sense
of relief, calmness that everything will be ok
no matter what happens around you.
How do I know that with 23 yrs sobriety
myself. Well.....
I have a rose plant growing in a pot under
my carport,garage. A large, single, red rose
is still bloomed for 3 weeks now if not longer.
It's like that single large bloom has been frozen
in time. It's like a Presence of Someone is there
protecting my husband and I during this time
of the year for a reason.
The butterflies, birds, flowers, the wind, sun
and so much more that I admire, appreciate,
give me an inner strength to be happy and
content this day im sober.
I love the good fond memories from my
past beginning in 1958 to day. Everything
that I have experienced or have gone thru
has made me into the person I am today.
If this be my last day on Earth, I will gladly
pass away happy, joyous and free in recovery.
No regrets.
thoughts this morning and here I read
your share mentioning Bette Davis too.
For some wonderful reason our thoughts
were meant to connect. At least that is
what my heart is telling me.
Living a life in recovery has it's many
blessings and rewards in which we treasure
them each day we remain sober. Your many
years sober has not gone unnoticed or
unrecognized by many who have either
quietly followed in ur footsteps or physically
sat along side you in meetings.
For some remarkable reason, you and
your wife are being taken care of, looked
after, guided, comforted, care for by that
larger than life Being, way up in the sky.
That tiny Infant born many years ago laying
in a manger. That Bright Star that shined
so brightly on Christmas Day.
It's that glow or faith that burns deep within your
heart, soul and mind that gives you a sense
of relief, calmness that everything will be ok
no matter what happens around you.
How do I know that with 23 yrs sobriety
myself. Well.....
I have a rose plant growing in a pot under
my carport,garage. A large, single, red rose
is still bloomed for 3 weeks now if not longer.
It's like that single large bloom has been frozen
in time. It's like a Presence of Someone is there
protecting my husband and I during this time
of the year for a reason.
The butterflies, birds, flowers, the wind, sun
and so much more that I admire, appreciate,
give me an inner strength to be happy and
content this day im sober.
I love the good fond memories from my
past beginning in 1958 to day. Everything
that I have experienced or have gone thru
has made me into the person I am today.
If this be my last day on Earth, I will gladly
pass away happy, joyous and free in recovery.
No regrets.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Thanks for sharing and for your inspiration. Twenty five years is amazing and with all you've experienced, it gives me a lot of hope to know that if I keep up the work, I could have many years as well
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