anchorbird

This house is full of so many painful memories from abuse and betrayal. What was I thinking coming back for Christmas? I told my husband I didn't want to, but he insisted he also wanted to see his family that is here also. Other then a hotel, this is the only place we coud stay.

I started drinking when flashbacks and night terrors were just too much. Yes, I am being treated for PTSD, but it isn't something my family talks about.

I am sitting literally 5 feet away from the liquor cabinet. My parents know I am in recovery, but once again, they won't really talk about it. My mom thinks its all in my head.

Breathing deep and praying a lot right now!

Marlarae

Be strong. Being with family can be a major trigger. I know it can for me.

MemphisBlues

Wow, Anchor. That's a hard place to be. Can you make an exit? Does your husband know you might need to escape?

And as for your mother, well, yeah...it's all in our head. Where else would it be.

Leana

Oh anchorbird, please stay strong. What a painful situation your stuck in. Please keep posting on here. Just think how pissed you will be at yourself tomorrow if you let them be your reason to relapse. Don't give them that power. You have the power. Be strong.
((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Cathryn2001

((AB))

Is a hotel an option? If it is, get out of that house. A neutral location without any memories might be a much better place for you at this time. Visits between the hotel and your parents can be controlled (come and go as you please), and you would know that you have a way to physically "escape."

If it isn't, maybe try to create alternative "escapes;" reading, going out for a walk, sticking close to SR. Whatever you do, don't drink! You've worked way too hard on your sobriety, and you've made so much progress.

Sending you many positive thoughts and lots of support!

anyistoomuch

Be strong Anchor - keep praying and I will pray with you.

Praying with you. Keep telling yourself that you are a different person now then when those awful things happened to you. You are a person who has survived those awful things.

If it gets too much and you need to be away, feign a headache or a stomach ache and go lie down with headphones on to ground yourself.

And tell your husband that you want to stay in a hotel.

Dee74

I'm sorry anchorbird - I agree with Cathryn tho - is a hotel an option?
The bottom line is - drinking won't help. You know that.

Reread your old posts if you need to, and keep leaning on us for support.
Can you hit a meeting or call your sponsor or someone you know in AA?

D

anchorbird

Oh yes, there is a meeting at 10 am tomorrow I will be going to.

foolsgold66

I'd leave. I don't go places I don't want to be anymore, period. That isn't a sobriety thing, either. We'll be right here, keep posting and talking, you can get through this.

Hevyn

Hi Anchor. I'm sorry you're feeling miserable right now - but really glad you posted about it.

I like Dee's idea of reading old posts. You don't want to take a backward step - you've worked so hard. I hope you can rise above the temptation - drinking won't do a think to east the pain - will only make it much worse. You can stay away from it Anchor.

PurpleKnight

Stay strong anchorbird!! we're all here right behind you!!

Thepatman

Hang in there, if leaving is not possible, perhaps you can teach everyone there a lesson about sobriety and fellowship, we stand by you in your struggle!

EndGameNYC

You're in a tight spot, anchorbird.

What you're going through is perfectly natural, given your family history.

It may be helpful for you and others who will be visiting family for the holidays to Google 'Proust Phenomenon holidays'.

Most clinicians are so familiar with this that we're only surprised when it doesn't occur.

neferkamichael

Anchorbird, I'm praying for you and when you make it through this, you will be so powerful. Rootin for ya.

courage2

Anchorbird, good job on having a meeting planned. I was in my hometown when I had about 3 months for my mother's funeral, and again at 7 months -- when I had the painful job of cleaning out her liquor cabinet lol!

Both times I stayed in a hotel, even though the first time I hadn't planned to, but I was really glad I did, it was worth the expense.

Stay close to SR and call folks in AA if you have numbers -- it DOES help.

Are there ways you can busy yourself? Finding errands to run got me out of some bad moments, and though no one will thank you, you can feel you're being useful.

Threshold

Huggies, anchorbird SO proud of you for posting here and not giving in.

That crap led us to drink before, and it did NO good, so we are not going to let it be a reason to harm ourselves again. We are not helpless the way we once were. We take care of ourselves now.

You are awesome, smart and strong. We are with you in spirit and determination. So glad to hear you are hitting a meeting tomorrow. Stay in touch, we all need to hang together tight this week.

Inca

Hang in there and distract yourself as much as possible. I'm doing a lot of reading here at home with the parents over the holidays.

sugarbear1

do an online search for AA speaker tapes, there's a lot out there! bring a meeting to your headphones....

anchorbird

Thank you all so much for the support. I made it through the evening, went up to bed a bit early but it helped. I am so excited for the meeting at 10 this morning, then a day of being useful by helping my mom and my mother-in-law prepare for Christmas. I WILL get through this.

Mags1

Hi anchorbird, well done for last evening. You did marvellous x