itsmylifenow

I seem to be experiencing old feelings and situations with a new guy and I'm not sure what to make of them.

Strict rule that I would never date an A again after dating one for 3 years that was pure hell.

The big difference is this guy is loving, wonderful, helpful...wants to build people up, not tear them down.

He drinks. Is he an Alcoholic?? He says no. I say yes. He drinks too much and he gets wild and crazy. Just looking to have a good time.

The dynamics are very different than the last one, yet I'm getting flashbacks and triggers all over the place.

I'm starting to behave like I did before...watching him when we're out with a group of friends to see if he shows interest in anyone. To see who he's looking at or paying attention to.

He's expressed a few things he doesn't like about me and I feel myself becoming self conscious. Remembering how the last A got me so worn down I had no self esteem left.

But, this one...he builds you up. Really, really does. He's not mean and nasty in nature like the other one...but, yet his blunt observations about me mixed in with all these wonderful comments are making my head spin.

I can't seem to ascertain whether I'm reacting to new stuff or merely playing the old tapes over in my head.

At any rate, I'm here. And, I'm guessing I wouldn't be if it wasn't a problem. If he didn't have a problem. If I didn't have a problem.

Maybe it is those co-dependency issues coming back. I feel overly attached to him after 3 months (although we've known each other for years). I find I say things I don't mean because it's what he wants to hear. And, my biggest moment came today when he was hugging me and I had a not so thrilled look on my face when he couldn't see it, then smiled when he could.

That's not a good sign. It's what I had to do with old xabf...I didn't think I'd ever have to do it again.

suki44883

You don't. If you're having these feelings, pay attention to them. The old "he's great except when he drinks" is rubbish and you know it. Protect yourself. (((HUGS)))

itsmylifenow

I know you are right. I've been around this block already. I just re-read some of my old posts...I've come a long, long way from where I was. I promised myself I would never go back there.

I think this one is just disguised in a lot of really good qualities. The love and affection I get from him is so tremendously needed and enjoyed at this point after years of nothing, that I'm not listening to my internal voice that's telling me how much I despise the drinking part.

It's been over a year since I was with xabf, but I'm guessing there is still some residual healing I have to do yet.

dandylion

Itsmylifenow, be sooo grateful that you are noticing these red flags--and that they are making you uncomfortable!!!!!! This is exactly what the dating period is for---to determine if the other person is a good match...or not. It takes a long time to really get to know what a person is made of...this guy is showing you in less than 3 months!!!!!! Now you can avoid hitching your life to the wrong star.

This calls for celebration. Congratulations.

dandylion

BoxinRotz

Him building you up just to take a crack at who you are as a person?

He's got issues. 3 months in and you hug him with a scoul on your face because he can't see it an smile when you pull away...

I hope you put an end to this for your well being. I know you see it's not healthy. There is someone out there who's not a complete drunk that will love all of you and not some of you.