New to this. Scared for my boyfriends life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
New to this. Scared for my boyfriends life.
I've been with my boyfriend about a year and a half now. Last month we got our first apartment together. Everything was perfect until about a week ago when I noticed him being sneaky and my gut feeling telling me something was wrong. One night we were about to leave for the store and I walked into the bedroom where he was standing by the dresser and slammed the drawer shut quickly then looked at me like he had seen a ghost. He went downstairs to wait for me in the car and I went through his drawer. I found a tiny rolled up packed of tin foil, in which there were 1.5 film strips of soboxone. I had never heard of nor seen this before. I am not an addict, never have been. I've never used any form or pills or narcotic. He was addicted to Heroine for about 4 years before he met me. His family (and he) made me very aware of his dark past and he assured me that he had been clean for over three years and was NEVER going back. I left my boyfriend of 4 years and moved to another state to be with this man, only to find out he has been struggling with addiction and lying to me this ENTIRE time. He is extremely ashamed of himself and the fact that he has to buy soboxone off the street because the doctors around here do not take his insurance and he can't afford to pay for a soboxone doctor. He also made it very clear to me that I am NOT to share his secret addiction with anyone in USO family, they judge him and accuse him constantly of being on drugs (because of his past). If any one has any sort of advice on how I can support him or what I should do PLEASE share. I feel extremely alone and naive and I don't have any one to turn to.
I've been with my boyfriend about a year and a half now. Last month we got our first apartment together. Everything was perfect until about a week ago when I noticed him being sneaky and my gut feeling telling me something was wrong. One night we were about to leave for the store and I walked into the bedroom where he was standing by the dresser and slammed the drawer shut quickly then looked at me like he had seen a ghost. He went downstairs to wait for me in the car and I went through his drawer. I found a tiny rolled up packed of tin foil, in which there were 1.5 film strips of soboxone. I had never heard of nor seen this before. I am not an addict, never have been. I've never used any form or pills or narcotic. He was addicted to Heroine for about 4 years before he met me. His family (and he) made me very aware of his dark past and he assured me that he had been clean for over three years and was NEVER going back. I left my boyfriend of 4 years and moved to another state to be with this man, only to find out he has been struggling with addiction and lying to me this ENTIRE time. He is extremely ashamed of himself and the fact that he has to buy soboxone off the street because the doctors around here do not take his insurance and he can't afford to pay for a soboxone doctor. He also made it very clear to me that I am NOT to share his secret addiction with anyone in USO family, they judge him and accuse him constantly of being on drugs (because of his past). If any one has any sort of advice on how I can support him or what I should do PLEASE share. I feel extremely alone and naive and I don't have any one to turn to.
Hi Nash
Since you're new to addictive behavior let me share a few things with you that I've learned (being the parent of an addict).
1. Addicts are MASTERS at manipulation. And I mean masters! You have to be on your toes 24/7 and have a deep resolve not to fall for it.
2. Addicts are MASTERS at the blame game. It is always someone elses fault. Never their own. NEVER
3. Addicts LOVE having an "secret ally". It gives them more power and more freedom to use without consequences. Don't fall for it.
4. Addicts ALWAYS have a reason for why they are using and why they are keeping secrets. They can justify anything.
5. Addicts are sullen, full of self-pity, always feel they are the victim of persecution, and sneaky.
I can say these things because I have lived these things and I love my daughter.
But she didn't start to get well until I stopped falling for all her crap.
Your boyfriend has relapsed. Maybe not on heroin but he's relapsed all the same and he is using you to keep the habit going. Tell his family. Tell them now!
Since you're new to addictive behavior let me share a few things with you that I've learned (being the parent of an addict).
1. Addicts are MASTERS at manipulation. And I mean masters! You have to be on your toes 24/7 and have a deep resolve not to fall for it.
2. Addicts are MASTERS at the blame game. It is always someone elses fault. Never their own. NEVER
3. Addicts LOVE having an "secret ally". It gives them more power and more freedom to use without consequences. Don't fall for it.
4. Addicts ALWAYS have a reason for why they are using and why they are keeping secrets. They can justify anything.
5. Addicts are sullen, full of self-pity, always feel they are the victim of persecution, and sneaky.
I can say these things because I have lived these things and I love my daughter.
But she didn't start to get well until I stopped falling for all her crap.
Your boyfriend has relapsed. Maybe not on heroin but he's relapsed all the same and he is using you to keep the habit going. Tell his family. Tell them now!
You can't do much for your bf unless he himself wants to be clean. We have a forum here you might be interested in for friends and family of addicts. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Isn't soboxone used for the treatment if opiates? People can develop a habit of using this drug and it needs to be monitored but I didn't hear any mention of a heroin relapse.
Is the shame coming from not being able to go to a doctor for it? It's that's the case, this seems different to me than actually relapsing on his drug of choice.
Is the shame coming from not being able to go to a doctor for it? It's that's the case, this seems different to me than actually relapsing on his drug of choice.
Isn't soboxone used for the treatment if opiates? People can develop a habit of using this drug and it needs to be monitored but I didn't hear any mention of a heroin relapse.
Is the shame coming from not being able to go to a doctor for it? It's that's the case, this seems different to me than actually relapsing on his drug of choice.
Is the shame coming from not being able to go to a doctor for it? It's that's the case, this seems different to me than actually relapsing on his drug of choice.
It's basically a synthetic opiate that binds to opioid receptors in the brain just like naturally occurring and other synthetic opiates.
In other words, it is a viable drug to abuse by opiate addicts.
Edit: Although, I am not a doctor. So take this with a grain of salt as simply part of the discussion. (I need to be careful, as I find neuroscience fascinating, but I am only a layman)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
Isn't soboxone used for the treatment if opiates? People can develop a habit of using this drug and it needs to be monitored but I didn't hear any mention of a heroin relapse.
Is the shame coming from not being able to go to a doctor for it? It's that's the case, this seems different to me than actually relapsing on his drug of choice.
Is the shame coming from not being able to go to a doctor for it? It's that's the case, this seems different to me than actually relapsing on his drug of choice.
A point he made very clear to me was that it would be MUCH easier for him to find heroine or Oxys (he broke his nose early last year and his mother refused to let him have any sort of pain killer other than ibuprofen, given his past.) This was when he turned to the street and relapsed with loratabs. His nose was broke in August, by February he started taking soboxine so he couldn't abuse the pain killers he was finding on the street. He wants nothing more than to get off soboxone. He told me there's no excuse for all the lies and betrayal and all he wants is to be normal. Soboxone is both expensive and hard to find on the street. It has honestly sickened me that the soboxone doctors in my area seem to strictly be in it JUST for the money. Some doctors require $650 JUST for the conciliation. Others have a 5+ month waiting list. I would never make excuses for what he's doing because it is illegal, but this strung out dealer on the corner seems to be his only option at this point.
I've struggled A LOT with whether or not to tell his parents. they have three other grown children, all with large problems (addiction & abuse) and
I have been told several times that his parents simply will NOT be able to handle the fact that he has relapsed. I really feel I'm in over my head with this. I know he wants to be clean but I don't know how he can probably come off soboxone on his own. He is VERY intelligent and hard working and has treated me quite literally like a princess despite this giant secret he's kept. I want to be there and help him but I can't do it alone. I'm terrified.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
He has a family doctor but at this point I feel the doctor will not be able to help him any more than research on the internet can ( I may be wrong) but soboxone is a very unique kind of treatment and only certain doctors are trained in the treatment and detox of soboxone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
Thank you for your advice. I will certainly run it by him. It really does make more sense to see a doctor now that I see it in writing. The internet doesn't know him personally or his past like his doctor does
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
I am not an opiate addict nor am I a doctor but I do believe his choosing suboxone over heroin is a very positive thing.
His lying about it to you is terrible, but shame is a very real thing we alcoholics and addicts struggle with every day.
I think the major caveat here is the OP's point that it would be easier for him to get heroin than soboxone, and he's opting for the latter.
And I have read a lot about how doctors specializing in soboxone treatment can run some pretty suspect practices.
To the OP, is your boyfrien steeped in a program of recovery like NA?
His lying about it to you is terrible, but shame is a very real thing we alcoholics and addicts struggle with every day.
I think the major caveat here is the OP's point that it would be easier for him to get heroin than soboxone, and he's opting for the latter.
And I have read a lot about how doctors specializing in soboxone treatment can run some pretty suspect practices.
To the OP, is your boyfrien steeped in a program of recovery like NA?
I have never been prescribed Suboxone but is it normally prescribed in a tin foil pouch? If this was a legit prescription shouldn't it be in a legit prescription container? If it's an illegal script, then sorry he's just moved from one drug habit to another drug habit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
I stated several times above that he has indeed been buying it off the street. This is NOT a legit prescription, he can not afford a Suboxone doctor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
I am not an opiate addict nor am I a doctor but I do believe his choosing suboxone over heroin is a very positive thing.
His lying about it to you is terrible, but shame is a very real thing we alcoholics and addicts struggle with every day.
I think the major caveat here is the OP's point that it would be easier for him to get heroin than soboxone, and he's opting for the latter.
And I have read a lot about how doctors specializing in soboxone treatment can run some pretty suspect practices.
To the OP, is your boyfrien steeped in a program of recovery like NA?
His lying about it to you is terrible, but shame is a very real thing we alcoholics and addicts struggle with every day.
I think the major caveat here is the OP's point that it would be easier for him to get heroin than soboxone, and he's opting for the latter.
And I have read a lot about how doctors specializing in soboxone treatment can run some pretty suspect practices.
To the OP, is your boyfrien steeped in a program of recovery like NA?
He is not currently enrolled in any sort of program, after the holidays we are going to look into some type of meetings for both him and myself, and possibly one we could attend together. I love him dearly and all I want is for him to get help. He wants to badly to be drug free, it's truly a disease that has taken over his life. My fear is that this will NEVER go away and I'll always have to suspect he's up to something. He's a very good liar, so good that I think he believes himself.
He broke his nose? How did he do that? Did you see that happen? Seems like an unusual sort of injury and I just wonder what the story is there.
You're saying that after the holidays you'll look into possibly some sort of meeting. In most places, support groups for addicts and their partners are active over the holiday season. In fact, for many groups it's their busiest time of year as of course, addiction is at its most active.
You're saying that after the holidays you'll look into possibly some sort of meeting. In most places, support groups for addicts and their partners are active over the holiday season. In fact, for many groups it's their busiest time of year as of course, addiction is at its most active.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
He broke his nose? How did he do that? Did you see that happen? Seems like an unusual sort of injury and I just wonder what the story is there.
You're saying that after the holidays you'll look into possibly some sort of meeting. In most places, support groups for addicts and their partners are active over the holiday season. In fact, for many groups it's their busiest time of year as of course, addiction is at its most active.
You're saying that after the holidays you'll look into possibly some sort of meeting. In most places, support groups for addicts and their partners are active over the holiday season. In fact, for many groups it's their busiest time of year as of course, addiction is at its most active.
Yes he broke his nose VERY badly. He ran (full speed) into a pole on a playground chasing and playing with kids at his nephews birthday. His entire family witnessed it and I saw the aftermath the next day. He was in SEVERE paid for other a month and had to undergo two major surgeries to fix things. He was in a perfect place away from drugs until he eventually couldn't take the pain anymore. This was about a year and a half ago ( we had JUST started dating).
He's been open and honest with me and genuinely seems to want help. Thank you for your advice, I will look into getting him therapy and help.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)