jade123

Ok back yet again. Feeling stupid for the number of times I've said that but, I've made a meeting today and have one planned for tomorrow morning.

I drank last Thursday night. I started at 7pm and drank straight through the next morning. I went to bed around the time I should have been getting up for work. I made some excuse why I couldn't come in but I'm so horrified. Work seemed to buy the excuse and all seems well on the job - but I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm sad, afraid, confused, and heartbroken, dramatic as that sounds.

I was feeling good and doing well. I hadn't gone to meetings and went to one tonight. I had drank before that but deluded myself into feeling comfortable again because I was able to pull off having a few and just going to bed and going to work the next day.

It's really a crapshoot, how much I'll drink. And the insane part is that I can convince myself that drinking like that isn't a big deal. But today I was thinking about it in a different way - I pictured one of my neighbors drinking to the extent that I did on Thursday night and suddenly it looked really different. When I imagine somebody else doing the things I do, my reaction is immediately that that person is an out of control alcoholic.

doggonecarl

And what advice would you give that person?

jade123

To get some help because their life is a mess. This behavior is dangerous and scary to see from the outside.

Kaneda8888

Hey Jade

I did that many, many times. I would have a few nights where I seemed to control and then have a real bender. For no explicable reason. It got so bad I became terrified of night time (my witching hour). The only way I found to remove that was being abstinent. All the insanity of drinking left after that. It took a long time for me to realise this. I hope you get that dawn now !

doggonecarl

Great advice. I hope you take it.

Mikie9

"It's really a crapshoot, how much I'll drink. And the insane part is that I can convince myself that drinking like that isn't a big deal"

have you thought about not drinking at all? It's the only way I can stop the drinking madness. It isn't easy tho, some days are harder than others. But, I am accomplishing my first goal, not drinking.

jade123

Yes. I've attempted it many times. I even stopped drinking for 12 years… but I wasn't sober, I just switched my addiction to spending and food. I went back out about 7 years ago I think. I didn't go to meetings the first time. I went to one today and plan to go to another tomorrow. I know abstinence, at the very least for a while, is what I need. It's just so much harder this time.

malcolmsloan

So I was at a [dis]function today and my cousin walked up to me with a bottle of Wild Turkey. She asked if I wanted some. I replied that, "my Wild Turkey days are over." She looked puzzled (I kept my drinking issues very private), and asked "did they start?" I said, "oh yes, and they lead to absolutely no good." She seemed offended and walked away. What do you guys think? Did I handle that right? Was that a confrontational or hostile response? I'm kicking myself a bit, thinking I made waves, feeling like I should have just smiled and said, "no thanks" and left it at that. BUt my response was real. I'm just trying to evaluate and prepare for future situations. I don't want to become "that edgy sober guy." Or should I even care?

Hevyn

Hi Jackie. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time - I've been there quite often.

Long ago I had some control over what happened when I drank. Over the years, as my dependence grew, there was no telling what would happen once it was in my system. I'd intend to have 2-3 and end up totally wasted or blacked out. It seemed to be worse when I picked up again after abstaining for awhile. I played with it for years - and in the end I wound up drinking all day every day - with my life in chaos. I think it's good you see the warning signs of what may lie ahead. I'm glad you're here to talk about what alcohol is doing to your life.

Hevyn

malcolm - I'm sorry - I didn't see your post.

I think it was an appropriate, non-hostile response.

Mikie9

Spending and food is better than being drunk, at least in my world. You made it 12 years without a buzz, you can do it again if you want too. If you didn't want to you wouldn't be here now.

Stop drinking, reach out to get through the change, and make that change. It isn't easy, but it isn't that hard either. Lots of people have made it through and found peace and happiness without a buzz. We can too, if we let ourselves.

Dee74

Welcome back Jade

Malcolm - I prefer a simple no thanks where possible, but I think you did well

D

Mikie9

malcolm you did fine. If someone is trying to hand you poison and they walk away mad because you didn't take it, that isn't your problem. Wild turkey, yeah that's a mild drink, not that it matters I guess. I had a guy last night try an get me to take just one shot of bourbon with him... I love bourbon, I wouldnt even need a chaser it is so good to me. I give a damn if he walked off mad or not, I aint drinking the poison.

malcolmsloan

I thougt I opened a new thread. Sorry, didn't meant to hijack this one. My bad, as the kids say.

KateL

Firstly, don't beat yourself up too much, we have all done it as it is the nature of the beast. I think your imagining other people drinking like you do could have been a very useful epiphany for you. Good luck and well done xx