endlesspatience

OK, this isn't easy to talk about because I've been trying to cover up my last relapse and it's getting to the point where I am basically denying anything happened. But it did and I need to work it through and take action to stop a repeat.

So, just over three weeks ago I was planning to go on a day trip for work but the trains were cancelled because of a storm. I then got a call from a girl I fancied, who said she was feeling low and could we meet up. Without really thinking, I said yes and I started drinking a can of beer moments later. I hadn't planned to but I nearly always drink with her.

She arrived near my place a few hours later and wanted to smoke dope so i'd been in touch with a dealer and he arrived. We must have all drunk and smoked for a few hours.

But here's the really scary bit - I don't know what happened because I blacked out. All I knew is that the next morning they were gone.

It didn't stop there. I carried on drinking for a couple more days alone and missed an important appointment. I also started smoking tobacco again which I'd been really trying hard to quit.

Basically, that girl is trouble and she's married. When she wants to party she contacts me and we "have fun" together. Except of course it's not fun without consequences. One time recently I had to call an ambulance for her and then last time I blacked out, putting myself at all kinds of serious risk.

I don't have a lot of emotion for her but I can't of hold on to the desire to keep her number in my phone. The last relapse followed nearly two months of pretty sustained recovery during which I'd made a lot of progress. It was really hard to get back into recovery after the relapse, of course.

I've been sober for around another three weeks now and I think I can carry on being sober with the help of my counsellor, AA and this forum. But actually, I didn't tell my counsellor what happened and it was only after tonight's AA meeting that I finally told a few recovery friends what had happened over coffee.

I do want sobriety and I do want peace of mind. But I somehow think I can make an exception with regard to meetings with her. How am going to get more clarity around the situation and how do I go about telling my addiction counsellor that I relapsed?

Dee74

I knew a girl like that one...several in fact.
Some people are just no good for us EP.

This girl sounds like that.

I think deep down you know that, and you know what you should do.

as for how to tell your counsellor - just tell them.

I guarantee they've heard worse - and if they;'re any good they already know something is up anyway.

D

Gilmer

The best way to tell your addiction counselor is to tell him. Just tell the story as you've explained it here.

Gilmer

Sorry--I posted over Dee!

Leana

I think it's a catch 22, you don't want to tell your addiction counselor but I don't think you can get clarity until you do talk to your addiction counselor.

So you know this woman is bad news, and married, and you still went out? The question is why? I also think you have to ask yourself is she is just your excuse to drink.

endlesspatience

Thanks everyone for the prompt replies. Leana, I think you're right. I am still finding excuses to drink. To be fair to the girl, she didn't demand alcohol when she picked up the phone but just hearing her voice somehow made me want to throw my recovery plan aside and get smashed. I didn't think I had a choice but actually I did.

Hevyn

Hi endless. I'm glad you wanted to discuss this - it'll feel good to have it out in the open.

I agree with the others - just tell your counselor. It will only hurt for a few minutes & then you can be done with it. As Dee said, they've heard far worse. The counselor can't help you if you aren't open. You'll get over this hurdle and grow from it. I finally convinced myself that each time I picked up it led to an unpredictable ending - and often danger. I didn't dare risk touching the stuff & had to avoid any possibility of that happening.

Dee74

People don't need to be evil to be bad for us EP.
Lots of women I consorted with were nice, but 'complicated' troubled people - like me.

They were nitro to my glycerin.

D

Ruby2

Hi EP, I vote with the others to say tell your counselor. Flat out, matter of fact. "I relapsed." Like ripping off a bandage quickly rather than slowly pulling it off. It will only sting a little.

Though you say "to be fair to the girl" in that she didn't put drink to your lips she is still bad news. I can't say that I know girls like that because I am a girl but long ago I was a girl like that. Married (my first husband) and calling other men. I was bad news back then...a messed up alcoholic in the making. She is not good news now. She may be a very lovely person. I wasn't horrible but made very poor choices.

Take care of yourself. It takes courage to admit a relapse, slip, whatever you want to call it but you did. And seem to have put a lot of thought into what happened. Stay strong. Healing is a process as we all know.

KateL

I used to relapse with a couple of people in particular. I suppose it's like a habit or trigger with certain people.

least

Tell your counselor just what you've told us. You can't get help without being open and honest.

quitforme79

I used to hold back info from my counselor and I stayed out there drinking. There's a saying "we are only as sick as our secrets" I commend you for opening up here and you can do it with your counselor too. You prob feel sooooo much better already. I'm rooting for you!

Anna

EP, this woman may be a nice woman, but she is not someone who can be in your life. I think you have figured that out. Hopefully your counsellor will be able to offer support and keep reading and posting here.

Mikie9

I just had to get rid of one of these "friends", and I already miss her.... well, to be blunt I miss the sex. I try not to lie to myself, getting F'd up and laid is fun at the time. But while the start of that road is fun, the end of that road is a waste so for me, it is just best not to go down that road. a lot more fun can be had staying sober. I figured out, if you gotta get messed up to be having a good time, something is wrong with the situation.

Best of luck man, talk to your counsellor so you can get it out there. I seriously doubt it is not something he has never heard before, or done himself. Seems to be quite a few of us with this type of person we had to get away from because they are too much "fun"

Carlotta

Get Mr Number, it is a free app which allows you to block a number's calls and texts. You can set it on go to voicemail mode or hang up. BTW, you cannot blame her, you cracked a beer before she showed up. You drank because you wanted to. See? You were not with her yet but you sure found some booze fast.
Talk to you counselor.
Also you mention AA, do you just go to AA or do you work the program? Big difference. Do you have a sponsor or friends you can call when she or someone like her contact you?
Not to be mean but it sounds like you might be part of the half measures club.

instant

I think you have acknowledged the issue and are working your way through it- some relationships have a use by date- doesn't mean anything about either party- it's just time to move on

endlesspatience

Thanks for all your feedback on this situation. I've been thinking it through for the past couple of days, during which I've been completely sober and have been trying to be objective, rather than emotional.

I don't want this to sound like a diatribe against the girl. She's fundamentally a nice person. But here's the facts of the matter.

She was high on drugs when I first met her.

The next few times we met, we both got drunk and took drugs.

On one occassion, she suggested a meeting and I said yes but said let's stay sober this time. Within a few minutes of meeting her, she produced a bottle of whisky and before long we were drinking in a pub - both beers and spirits. We were refused entry to another pub because she was too drunk. I tried to take her to her home but she collapsed in the street. Passers by called the police, concerned that I may have assaulted her - which I hadn't. The police then called an ambulance.

The next time I met her was with friends in a pub. I was sober and they were all drinking. They then went outside to take drugs and I left.

The next time we met, we were both sober but after spending a calm few hours together, she left without saying goodbye.

Writing it down like this, I can see that it's going to be completely impossible for me to be around her and try to maintain sobriety. I feel by "cutting her off" I am losing something fun but in fact, on sober reflection, I am simply removing us both from a situation that creates pain and danger.

LadyBlue0527

I'm in agreement with everyone, tell your counselor, that's what they are there for. To not be honest makes it harder to help you.

As far as this

She's a drinking buddy to you and you the same to her. Your brain doesn't even consider that you are fighting to maintain sobriety when it comes to her. Without thinking you just drink. Just going by your post the one time you got together and didn't drink she left without saying goodbye. Your common bond isn't even each other, it's the fact that you are safe to drink together because there are no repercussions from whatever happens.

I had friends like that, they're all trouble. Dee said it best, she's the nitro to your glycerin. You know what you have to do.

Thepatman

Great introspection and honesty in your thread.
Personally I’m staying away from girls for at least my first 6 months of sobriety.
I don't even know who I am anymore, how can I know what I would like in a life companion?

Sorry to be blunt, but I know girls affect the blood flow to my brain and I need all the blood to remain there. LOL!

endlesspatience

Thanks, LadyBlue. To be honest, I don't think the term drinking buddy really has the right ring to it. It suggests at least superficial friendship but clearly when we are together our primary interaction is with the drugs and booze. There's no real friendship there at all.