no...I can't do it!
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no...I can't do it!
Hi!
I think to be the worst case of codependancy...really...I still am feeling down after 2 years of no contact with him...how can this be? my ex bf... still miss him. It is so heartbreaking...I wish i could find the words to describe my disappointment and my feelings to you all. It is all just so sad. Sometimes I wish I did not have to live,just not to feel this. WHY? I ask myself why. I still do, even though I know there is no why. I've read it on the stickies and I read it form ppl who also have suffered like me. However there is no way I am going to forget him. No way. It is unbearable. It is so painful. I wish to go away, some where I don't have to feel. it is just too much. It is even worse when I see how happy he is with his new girl. The way he says he loves her and thanks her to be there for him no matter what. I wish I was her. I wish i was the one to be next to him. This loneliness is so painful.
I wish I did not have to say all those nasty things about me. C'mon, that hatred towards me is just too much. I must have done something wrong. I surely have otherwise he would have forgotten every thing by now. Instead, he still says to his frioends how much he could not bear me and how much I was stupid, silly, fragile, narrow minded. IT MUST BE ME THEN....i want to go some where i don't feel all this................ what to do
I think to be the worst case of codependancy...really...I still am feeling down after 2 years of no contact with him...how can this be? my ex bf... still miss him. It is so heartbreaking...I wish i could find the words to describe my disappointment and my feelings to you all. It is all just so sad. Sometimes I wish I did not have to live,just not to feel this. WHY? I ask myself why. I still do, even though I know there is no why. I've read it on the stickies and I read it form ppl who also have suffered like me. However there is no way I am going to forget him. No way. It is unbearable. It is so painful. I wish to go away, some where I don't have to feel. it is just too much. It is even worse when I see how happy he is with his new girl. The way he says he loves her and thanks her to be there for him no matter what. I wish I was her. I wish i was the one to be next to him. This loneliness is so painful.
I wish I did not have to say all those nasty things about me. C'mon, that hatred towards me is just too much. I must have done something wrong. I surely have otherwise he would have forgotten every thing by now. Instead, he still says to his frioends how much he could not bear me and how much I was stupid, silly, fragile, narrow minded. IT MUST BE ME THEN....i want to go some where i don't feel all this................ what to do
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The fact that he is trying hard with this new girl...so much more than he did with me....the fact that he wants to do it for her....i feel so useless.....he is such a bully. I want to ask u. what does it happen when an addict perceives that the partner is weaker than him? Does he feel that she is no use to him? Does an addict need somebody who is very strong? I NEED TO KNOW THIS.............even tho it is too late now. I was so useless.....i did not help him. I am such a loser...DO u think I am still a codependant? Do u think an addict fears someone who is weaker? I think i always showed my weakness, but i did cos i wanted to be "naked" in front of him. I wanted to show my self with no shame. HE took all and just shared with other like him. It is not easy now. Where do I go? So, I just have to disappear from that place. My family is still there tho, in the same town where he lives. I have no idea what to do...I m so confused..................
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mely........if it's been TWO YEARS of NO contact how do you know these things about him? however you are accessing that info, STOP. you are inviting in WAY too much pain.
you are not a loser. you did not fail. it just didn't work out. we don't get to keep people forever. we must learn to LIVE AND LET LIVE. that means YOU live your life, walk your path, and let others do the same. his path took him somewhere else. you seemed to have just stopped on yours.
somewhere you gave him the power to determine your self worth. you must get that back. no one defines you but you. are you seeing a counselor or therapist? a trained professional that can help you find you again? are you attending any meetings? these are the things you can do for you. and to get past this.
you are not a loser. you did not fail. it just didn't work out. we don't get to keep people forever. we must learn to LIVE AND LET LIVE. that means YOU live your life, walk your path, and let others do the same. his path took him somewhere else. you seemed to have just stopped on yours.
somewhere you gave him the power to determine your self worth. you must get that back. no one defines you but you. are you seeing a counselor or therapist? a trained professional that can help you find you again? are you attending any meetings? these are the things you can do for you. and to get past this.
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The problem is that I am not seeing any therapist. After 2 years I haven't moved on. I tried to but it is not possible somehow. Yes, 2 years of no contact. By that I mean that we haven't been speaking/texting etc... I m not on fb but sometimes I hear things about him. Like tonite. And everything just come back in mind. He is an addict but he was better than me in moving on. Yes, I am a loser. I cannot manage to have someone in my life. I m very busy at work and I barely spend time having fun. The very fact that I m not able to do this just says a lot about my dumbness. However I was happy to be in a relationship with someone with problems cos I felt a had a reason "to be" . Now I got nothing. NOTHING. My life was fuller before, when he was there. I believe that it was better somehow. It was my fault not being strong enough to handle him and the whole situation. It must have been because I m not good enough or...because i cried when he verbally abused me. Instead you should react somehow. His new girl is a strong girl cos she lost his 1st bf in a car crash. Maybe she has a thikker skin. She can handle it. I was very fragile instead.
I just wanted one thing...and ACTUALLY I m mad at God cos I wanted my ex to have a good memeory of me,...he doesnt........he sais nasty things about me. and ...it is not even me who search for it...it is his friends that bully me a lot...the ones that don t ebev know me...they just know that i m a kind fragile girl....and coem to me and bully me with the intimate things that only my ex can know about me. C'mon,...why??? He should stop this. The thing is, if I do something about it....it becomes even bigger.... they will never let me live. None can really understand this.
I just wanted one thing...and ACTUALLY I m mad at God cos I wanted my ex to have a good memeory of me,...he doesnt........he sais nasty things about me. and ...it is not even me who search for it...it is his friends that bully me a lot...the ones that don t ebev know me...they just know that i m a kind fragile girl....and coem to me and bully me with the intimate things that only my ex can know about me. C'mon,...why??? He should stop this. The thing is, if I do something about it....it becomes even bigger.... they will never let me live. None can really understand this.
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He might even be an addict but he managed to find the right one who will be there for him and love him. she is a strong girl just like he wanted. Actually I got bigger problems than him. I was way too shy with his friends, just could not stop all the bullying. When I was with him, I did not want to hurt him, so, I did not say a thing, but cried a lot and just let him hurt me. The thing is, that if I wanted to say something back he would say I was mean and that he could not bear all these fights. So i tried to fight as little as possible so that he would not feel too bad about us or not think about snorting again. But when you keep all the **** inside...then it hurts anyway.....so i AM still recovering for all the **** inside that i should have thrown at him but could not cos he was the addict, therefore the person with needs. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!
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So two years gone, and you still feel the sting.
I can relate to that. Prior to meeting my AXGF, there was someone in my life that I lost, and in retrospect, I went sliding into a relationship with my AXGF just so I wouldn't have to deal with the grief of losing who I was sure was "the one". Four years gone, I still think about her a lot, and grieve a bit, too.
But it's over. I didn't want it to be then, but I didn't have a choice. Still, she left an imprint on my soul that hasn't gone away.
So I went headlong into a relationship with someone I didn't know was an addict until months later. In retrospect, a foolish decision on my part. Not because of the way it turned out (she's quite mentally ill) but because I was trying to fill a void the wrong way. We can't fill holes in our life with other people. We can't depend on others to be our sole source of emotional sustenance. Otherwise, when they leave, we fall apart.
So, maybe you feel you'll never heal from losing him. And maybe that's true. But Neil Peart of Rush said something interesting about loss recently:
And I think Peart's right.
So, I would do a couple of things. I would first go out and read Ghost Rider, which Peart wrote about 11 years ago and chronicles how he came to terms with the death of his daughter and his common law wife within 10 months of each other.
And I would find a therapist you can trust and share what you're thinking and feeling. You have to put these emotions in a place where you can deal with them without them taking over completely. Otherwise, you'll stay stuck. And I think you've been stuck long enough.
ZoSo
I can relate to that. Prior to meeting my AXGF, there was someone in my life that I lost, and in retrospect, I went sliding into a relationship with my AXGF just so I wouldn't have to deal with the grief of losing who I was sure was "the one". Four years gone, I still think about her a lot, and grieve a bit, too.
But it's over. I didn't want it to be then, but I didn't have a choice. Still, she left an imprint on my soul that hasn't gone away.
So I went headlong into a relationship with someone I didn't know was an addict until months later. In retrospect, a foolish decision on my part. Not because of the way it turned out (she's quite mentally ill) but because I was trying to fill a void the wrong way. We can't fill holes in our life with other people. We can't depend on others to be our sole source of emotional sustenance. Otherwise, when they leave, we fall apart.
So, maybe you feel you'll never heal from losing him. And maybe that's true. But Neil Peart of Rush said something interesting about loss recently:
The scars remain tender. Never, ever healed, but only lightly scabbed over. Time does not heal all wounds, but only allows us to adapt, if we can, to a life that is forever altered. Some wounds are like physical disabilities that will never heal, but can only be compensated for, adapted to.
So, I would do a couple of things. I would first go out and read Ghost Rider, which Peart wrote about 11 years ago and chronicles how he came to terms with the death of his daughter and his common law wife within 10 months of each other.
And I would find a therapist you can trust and share what you're thinking and feeling. You have to put these emotions in a place where you can deal with them without them taking over completely. Otherwise, you'll stay stuck. And I think you've been stuck long enough.
ZoSo
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