SoberMama13

Hi there,
I'm so happy to have found this forum. Just reading through some of the posts have made me feel much less alone on this journey.

Today is 40 days sober for me. It feels like a long time and it feels like no time.

A former insomniac (major), I find myself now falling asleep (not chemically induced) before 9pm and waking up (sometimes only once in the night!!!) at 5. I'm sooooo tired all the time!!!! What in the world??

My emotions are either non-existent or all over the place. I still am having a very hard time feeling anger.

I'm craving chocolate like crazy; during my many years of drinking, all I wanted was salty.

Step 4 feels like it's killing me.

I can't seem to stay in self-forgiveness or self-care.

All that to say, I'm assuming that all of this is "normal" in early recovery??
That is, my body, brain and spirit are going through a radical transformation and that's why everything is changing?

So many questions.
Thanks for reading.

Mags1

Hi SoberMama, yes, yes and yes.

Ha , I still crave sugar due to years of too much wine most nights, I satisfy this with ice cream, though it is getting less.

My emotions were and honestly still can be, all over the place.

I think most of us had some radical changes taking place though looking Normal to the outside world, except for bloated ness, baggy eyes, swollen feet. Etc. don't get those anymore.

Only thing I'm sure of nowadays is I wanna stay sober, whatever it takes.

Congratulations on 40 days sober. That's brilliant x

alphaomega

Sobriety. When the only thing that changes, is everything.

KUTGW.

KateL

You are doing very well in my opinion. It is tough but will get easier, honestly xxx

DoubleDragons

Around the 30 day mark was around the worst time for me in sobriety. I had the most cravings; I was always exhausted (almost like early pregnancy); total mood swings wondering if sobriety was all it was cracked up to be, etc. etc. I am now on Day 84 and I think the worst of early sobriety is over for me. Although, I still feel like I am in an exploratory, experimental stage, as everything is so new to me. Thanksgiving was my first sober Thanksgiving since I was 15 (other than when I was pregnant, I am now in my 40s); I attended a Christmas party, again first sober one ever except in pregnancies. (of course when I was pregnant my mindset was that I was still a drinker so I never observed things in a non-drinker's perspective).

Anyway, when I was feeling how you were feeling, I posted it on SR and a majority of posters here at SR said to give it three months and you should start to feel "normal" again, but better than normal because you will feel so healthy. They were right!!! Stick it out to 90 days and I think you will feel the same. I am much better than I was at 40 days. That being said, I gave 27 years to drinking. It would be quite unfair of me to expect my body and mind and spirit to be perfectly better in a few months. Also, I am on such an early part of my learning curve. As an adult, I have never lived sober, so I am not quite sure what my normal/sober looks like, but it feels good enough so far for me to want to continue on the adventure . . . .

Take care and keep on, keeping on . ...

Toffee1

Definitely agree about the sugar cravings subsiding. I used chocolate to get me through my initial cravings but now on day 100 I can tell you I haven't had chocolate in two weeks or so. I think it takes your body and mind time to readjust. Well done on forty days and trust in people when they say it gets even better. Just give sobriety a chance to work.

MIRecovery

Are you working with a sponsor?

malcolmsloan

I'm a fellow insomniac. Actually, my sleep battles and achohol use became deepley entwined, but that's another story. I'm at 33 days, and just starting to sleep a bit better, but I can chime in and concur that even when I sleep well, I wake up feeling exhausted, beat up, even. . .sometimes. . .hungover? Ahhhh, not the "H" word! But if I step back and look at the big picutre, where I was 33 days ago, I see tons of progress. Like others have said, we drinkers spend many years in physically, mentally, and emotionally destructive cycles: we must give some serious time to readjust. Good job on 40 days, you sound really strong in your dedication to staying sober. Onward!

Mizzuno

I only had insomnia once in my life. It lasted 30 days, and those 30 days were down right terrible. You are doing well. The beginning is very tough and for the most part an unknown territory. In the beginning, my emotions were all over the place. I was starting to question if I was insane or not (then I realized that insane people do not think of being insane, they just are) So, soon enough......after a few months, I leveled off. I really did a number on myself though. Yes, what you are experiencing is normal. You are doing just fine.

SoberMama13

Thanks SO much for your responses.
yes, I have a temporary sponsor but meetings is proving difficult.
Will continue to hunt her down!
Thanks again. I feel much better knowing I'm not going crazy.

Anna

Welcome!

I think that forgiving yourself and self-care are so very important in recovery. I'm not an AA person, but I have sure had to work hard on both of those things.

Inca

Oh the sugar....and the insomnia! Still have the insomnia every couple of days but finally the sugar cravings have calmed down at three months. For awhile there I was eating ice cream every day (and during the night when I couldn't sleep), brownies, cookies, all sorts of treats that I never ate before I stopped drinking. I just told myself that alcohol kills, ice cream will not. One thing at a time!

Inca

Forgot about the emotions lol. All over the place too right now. Sometimes, like tonight, I feel downright crazy and then feel crazy that I feel crazy. I hope this passes soon too. Heard it's supposed to even out over time.

Ruby2

Sugar. Lots of it. I was more a salt person when i drank. didnt have much of a sweet tooth but now it is all about the sugar. I feel tired a lot too but I tend to stay up too late and then have to get up with the kids. Once I go to bed I sleep through. The exhaustion passes. It takes time for the body to adjust to chemical free sleep.

Notmyrealname

Congrats on forty days sober, very nice

Yeah, none of that sounds abnormal. Just stay relaxed, take things as they come and get plenty of rest. Given adequate time, things settle to a state of balance. You're doin' great!

Marcher13

SoberMama I'm nine months in but this was exactly my experience. I think the sleeping and tiredness is our bodies repairing themselves after the damage we did. I calculated that I slept an extra ten days in the first four months, when you think about it ten days is not a huge healing time from a major trauma.

The chocolate craving is because the sugar in the alcohol has gone. I invested some of my previous booze money in very good very dark chocolate, a couple of little squares a day does the trick for me.

Your emotions will settle in time, be patient with yourself, your brain is rewiring and you are going to love the new brain.

sugarbear1

Finish step 4 and move through to 7....and beyond. That is where the recovery is found!