shil2587

So, I found myself applying some of the principals and lessons I learned from alanon literature and here. I say found myself, I mean that I recognised from them things I do that cause detriment to my life. Since trying to rectify some of those things, I found myself agreeing whole-heartedly with step 1 and decided I would take a closer look at step 2. Therein lays my problem.

I was raised an apostolic Christian (Herbert W. Armstrong style) and have had a deep sense of faith since I was a child. I had a tough upbringing and a traumatic time at school and university. Getting into my chosen career has proved a huge challenge and my relationships have been poor choices that I allowed myself to fall in love with and to subsequently get hurt. All of that leads me here. I believe that God CAN restore me to sanity (as I accept that my actions thus-far have not been entirely sane or healthy). However, I have lost my faith that He WILL. Everything up to this point in my life has been a battle and I have invariably lost. This last 4 months, I lost the love of my life, my grandmother, nearly my job and my faith.

I just cannot believe that God will intervene, when He hasn't so-far. When I have spent my life trying to do what His Will had for me, trying to follow His laws in the Bible, really trying to do the right thing. If he was going to intervene and restore me to sanity or fix things in my life, surely He would have done so long before now. How do you get past the pain to believe your HP WILL help?

Thank you for all the shares and for all the wonderful, life-changing lessons I am learning here.

Stung

I'm not a very religious person, so I kind of take this to mean just being a peace with things, like acceptance and then moving forward. I have not yet accepted the current state of my family life so I'm stuck on this too.

I do know how to personally achieved own peace and I just need to focus and kick myself in the butt to get there.

AnvilheadII

Getting into my chosen career has proved a huge challenge and my relationships have been poor choices that I allowed myself to fall in love with and to subsequently get hurt. All of that leads me here. I believe that God CAN restore me to sanity (as I accept that my actions thus-far have not been entirely sane or healthy).

THIS is really key. the bit about making poor choices that led to pain. part of our return to sanity is being aware that many times we made choices - wanting what we wanted and ignoring good sense and red flags. not putting our health, safety and sanity FIRST. (that could be men, gambling, drugs, lousy financial decisions, food, risky behaviors, etc). we ran the show.

here's the thing about the steps. picking out just one won't bring about the desired relief. to be effective, they must be done in order. we start with step 1. and write out to the best of our ability our powerless and unmanageability. there are many step guides to help. we aim for full disclosure....what we did, why we did it, where we "went wrong" - how we got to here. we do a thorough inventory - our good and our bad. we pull our covers, reveal our secrets. get it all out. share it with a trusted someone. and so on. we clean house and make amends where needed. we help others. in summary:

admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion;
recognizing a higher power that can give strength;
examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
making amends for these errors;
learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions.

Taking5

Please reread step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Notice is does not say believed or believes.

Step 2 is a process, not a singular event. As you continue with your program of recovery, your understanding of the steps, your high power and of yourself will change dramatically. You do not even need to be able to define your higher power at this point, just believe that it is possible at this point.

slvrfx5151987

I have found on page 45 of the Big Book the sentence that reads," Our human resources as marshaled by the will were not sufficient, they failed utterly." Why did they? Were they meant to fail me? If I believe in the Power of God, which for me is love unconditional, then my creator would not give me any thing that will utterly destroy me. So it had to do with the way I used this human resources that they began to fail me. In other words, our human resources are neutral in nature until my will puts them to use as I am doing right now as I write this. As a result of running on self will I made a mess of my life and now I want God to fix it! So I use my human resources to manipulate God to give me what I want by putting up a front that I know what's good for me and so God has to give it to me. Very Wrong! I must learn to be quiet and "listen" to God for direction and then be willing to follow thru.
After all, it is God that is infinite, while I am finite(sorry to hurt you ego, but that's the truth) So cry all you want ego, you are going down!!! Deflation to the maximum!!! His will be done, not mine. Who's really in charge?!?!