amandaw

Well I'm back at the end of day 1 again. I know I'm a broken record of day ones. I want to just do it. I am decreasing consumption tho. I'm down to 2-3 days per week. A small victory. Really small considering those 2 to 3 days almost always result in hangovers.

I did have a victory today. Being hungover usually makes me want to drink to feel better, but I avoided it today which might not seem like much, but Thursdays are my toughest days. Usually they're the day of the week I blow up my sobriety. This is because I take my daughter to dance class and literally next door there is a liquor store. Not just any liquor store, but my usual one. The dance studio doesn't mind if parents drop off the kids then run errands in the shopping center. There's quite a few shops there. Anyway, I usually grab a small bottle of vodka every Thursday. Sometimes a tall boy to go with it. Then I put it in my car and return to the viewing room in the dance studio. The trip takes 5 minutes max.

I have to take her to dance. My husband gets off work too late to take her.

So I stressed about it today then decided I'd just take my son to dance with my daughter. He's 15 months and his daycare is directly across the street from the shopping center. I usually just pick him up after dance because I prefer to avoid taking him places where he gets into things, and can be annoying to other parents. Today though I did it. I knew I wouldn't take him into a liquor store And by alcohol with him. It actually went quite well. All the parents said how cute he is and even though my daughter didn't get all my attention, I didn't drink.

Day 1 #275 is in the books.

Inca

Good for you! What are you going to try this time to keep the day count going?

Dee74

welcome back Amanda
D

KateL

You are going in the right direction and your wish to quit will take you though eventually, I am sure.

PurpleKnight

Great job on thinking ahead, coming up with a plan and seeing it through!! . . . you'll get there!!

LadyinBC

You are not a broken record you have a disease. You keep trying, keep posting and remember that you can do this.

Don't ever give up Amanda! You have the strength to do this.

Louise82

Welcome back Amanda. Glad you're still going for this.

amandaw

Thanks everyone. Christmas break starts today for my school district. I knew it would be a trigger to be alone at home, so today I'm substitute teaching (god help me) for another district. A hundred bucks is a hundred bucks, right? I'm just glad it will keep me from being alone. I have tons to do to get ready for the Christmas, but right now this seems more important. My husband will be home to babysit me this weekend. Monday is thr only day I'll be alone wighout kids, but by then it will be so close to the holiday, I won't have to worry about caving as much. Anyway, I'll get there when I get there. Not worried about actual Christmas as much. The part of me that mourned not drinking on holidays has pretty much died. Holidays are about my kids, and they deserve a mom who is present on Christmas.

I have no plan after Christmas. I guess just get on here. As much as possible. I'm struggling with AA. I have gone many times in past attempts, but just dont feel it's for me. I may change that attitude knowing I will be on break for two weeks.

Thanks for the support.

PS. On my phone. I apologize for any spelling errors.

doggonecarl

You bigger struggle seems to be with sobriety.

Maybe AA isn't the program for you. Only you know how much true effort you are putting into it: Sharing at meetings, calling other members for support, participating in service work, getting a sponsor, working the steps.

People get sober without AA, and they do it by taking action, making the necessary changes to support a sober lifestyle, and work on the things that make them drink.

Good luck.

ClearMind

Good luck, Amanda. It doesn't matter how many times we've tried and failed to quit in the past, what's important is that we keep trying and learn from the our failed attempts. A child wouldn't stop trying to walk if he kept falling down, right? He'd keep on trying. That's the only thing we can do.

Dee74

I really recommend you get some kind of coherent plan amanda - read around and see what other folks do - maybe something will gel for you

D

Anna

I agree with Dee that having a plan of some kind would be really beneficial for you.

zombiegirl

Well done chick xx

amandaw

I know I need a plan. So far I have plans for the holidays and get togethers. The problem is when I'm alone or when I feel I've had a stressful day. I feel once I make it over a 5 day hump I'll have the momentum to get past it.

I've left AA meetings wanting to drink more than when I've arrived, I've read 10 or so recovery books, and I've tried just will power. I feel like I've set up a wall in my head at 5 days and I just need to break through it.

KateL

You'll get there because you want to. Took me ages. I wasn't suited to AA either xx

EndGameNYC

It's your wall, so it's up to you to do with it what you will.