Mikie9

I foresee a problem guys and I am trying to head it off before I actually get there.

I have no family of my own and the only christmas thing i will have going on is an awkward dinner/lunch at my sisters. her and my mom haven't gotten along since dad passed away, and I have been a drunk for so long I don't really fit in either. I never really cared before to be blunt.... I was just doing something on the holiday to get home and drink. Well this year I don't have that to look forward too(I dont call it that now, but have every year before) but I am very afraid it is going to push my over the edge. I do not want to drink through this time, but I have no idea what to do otherwise.

I am thinking about trying to volunteer at the food bank, I think they serve a christmas meal to the homeless. I will be checking on this tomorrow. But other than that, this is going to be a REAL threat and just posting here on christmas isn't going to help.

I can deal with boredom, wanting to drink, stress from work etc and not drink. But this is different.

Other than volunteering at the food bank I am going to try, any other thoughts? I do appreciate them because this is going to cause me a problem

KateL

Food bank idea sounds great. Don't let them get you down. Do something interesting or productive like that to tire yourself just nicely, so that when you get home, you will be happy to relax, perhaps watch a film and have some nice food?? x

PurpleKnight

Hey Mikie, what's the worst that could happen with you checking out your sisters place for a bit and then coming home and putting on the telly??

Sometimes you don't need to be busy, enjoy xmas, plenty of food and telly, plus SR will be in full flow if you need support, god knows I'll be logging in 100 times over the xmas period!

suki44883

You might contact some local service organizations. They often work with larger organizations and foundations on holiday-related projects or could be preparing for their own project and in need of extra help.

Visit a senior center. Go spend some time with elderly people, many of whom have no family who visits them at Christmas.

Google some local volunteer services. They may have some ideas on how you can help. Google..."How to volunteer on Christmas Day in Chattanooga, Tennessee."

The Salvation Army? Homeless shelters? Animal shelters?

sugarbear1

Chattanooga AA Central Office

Call the AA intergroup office and ask about Christmas dinners or Alcathons, you won't be alone!

Mikie9

I think the sadness that I don't have my own family? Not sure this is the first year I am thinking about this around christmas, i just drank away these thoughts before, but of course they were always there just muted with alcohol. I really want to feel content with having done something with my time this year. I can't do it with my family.


I have a senior home pretty close to me, I may see if they need some help on christmas. I think I need something to do to feel useful for someone. Just me being at my families event isn't going to be enough. It is a forced "oh we gotta do this" sort of event. I am doing ok not drinking, but when everyone on the planet is talking about sweet family time, I feel so left out. I would almost say this isn't drinking related, but I guess it is because this sort of thing is why I wnted to drink the most, to hide away.

I don't want that this year.

LadyBlue0527

I was just thinking about what sugarbear said. I didn't know if you're involved with AA but I can tell you that it's a great place to be around like minded people. Others who are in the same predicament who know that if they don't take action that they'll pick up.

Just the fact that you posted was you did is huge. You're making a plan to get through this!

I'm sure that we will all be visiting that day too.

jdooner

As Suki suggested Volunteer. See a movie, take on a project - do whatever you can to get out of your own head. The busier you are the safer you will be.

LadyBlue0527

I also meant to reply to the above



Excellent idea! Volunteer work has been one of the most positive things I've done in sobriety, it's more fulfilling than any paying job that I've ever had and it's so awesome to know that you're helping people.

Do it!

LuLu13

You are not alone, Mikie9, in the same boat here. I do have a daughter I am close to but she has to work on Christmas. My brother passed away suddenly this past year so the first holiday without him. I have been horribly depressed listening to everyone but it is only a day to get through. Not sure what I am going to do, perhaps a nice long nap and some fattening food.

Dee74

There are some great suggestions here Mikie

I never liked being alone either...but recovery forced me to take a pretty good look at myself...and I grew comfortable in my own company.

I find I actually need some alone time now...perhaps, in time you'll find the same too?

for this year those there's plenty of volunteering opportunities and AA sponsored events....and there will be people here over Christmas - including me

D

Mikie9

I know it is just a day to get through. Heck, it is two days off from work woohoo! But it is just such a lonely time of year. I am not sure why. I guess because growing up we had lots of family come over and spend a couple of days, it wasn't even about christmas so much, it was about being together. Now most of those folks are gone and I am left with blah. Rebuilding a life is so painful. I read once that getting through stopping an addiction was the easy part, facing your life you have lived while doing it is the hard part.

I feel alone because at 41 I don't have my own family to be with. I have not lived my life for such up to this point so i understand why this is true.

I will do some phone calls tomorrow to find something to do with my time this holiday season, and I really appreciate everyones thoughts on this. I don't need my own family to get through this, but I do need to feel like I am a part of something.

AA... I haven't ever commented on this before, because what works for someone is none of my business. But I went to one AA meeting in my life years ago and all it showed me was I wasn't that bad off, reminded me how much I hate a general program for the masses, and made me want to go home and drink, since you now, i wasn't that bad off. I KNOW a lot of people get a great deal from AA, and I totally respect that. I will however call the AA link posted above and explain my story and see what they may have going on. I am sure just from what I read I wouldn't have to be a full fledged member to come hang out on christmas.

Mikie9

And thanks Dee I am sure I will be here on christmas. I usually don't have an issue being alone. But this time of year sure makes you feel like a loser if you are I am trying to ignore that, it doesn't fit into my goals or needs.

Dee74

The AA activities at Xmas aren't all meetings Mikie - sometimes it's just hanging out.

I had to go through a period of grief knowing I'd never have my own family too.

I try to think of the good things in my life - I have people who care for me, and I have friends, my health is pretty reasonable, and I have food and shelter and access to the net and enough money to get by - not everyone can say that.

I have a lot of blessings.

I found a special someone too - it's never too late for that, man

and LOL I'm not a loser and neither are you
D

Mikie9

Thanks everyone... I now feel I can get through this, and I have tears in my eyes because i feel hope... I love this place, if you weren't here to carry me I would be drunk right now


And I know it can happen Dee, I know until I can be alone and have a life I can't be with someone in a meaningful way.... the interim sure does suck tho.

Leana

Mikie- My son will be driving from Knoxville to our home in PA- its a bit far but your welcome to join us here. No booze but also no yelling, or bad feelings toward each other. You might be bored but you'd be bored and sober! If your interested PM me.

anyistoomuch

mikie, i was exactly where you are not too long ago. we put our life and our past and our relationships under a microscope this time of year. what i did one year when i was not in touch with family was host a "loose ended" movie night at my house. two other people i knew had no where to go so we got together. it was fun snd liw key.

one year i spend the day cleaning out all my old clothes and stuff and packaged it up for our local cancer shelter. it felt good to make the day not about my feelings and more about contributing something to make others lives better.

i think key is to take charge of the day and own it. if you find you cant go to your sisters and the volunteer stuff doesn't pan out, make the day meaningful somehow.

Mikie9

That is such a sweet offer! I won't be able to take such a trip but please know I truly appreciate the option!

Sometimes i think you people just conspire to make me cry, and I sure do thank you for that!

Feeling hugged right now, thank you.

Dee74

The interim seems long now - but you'll look back and marvel at how quickly things fall into place Mikie - guaranteed

D

Leana

I understand, it's a long drive. But... if you change your mind let me know. He is planning on leaving TN on Sunday. If not, maybe Easter??