mrobinson622

I am worried about my husband, our children, and our marriage. He has been using Hydrocodone for around 6 years now. He first started using it when his mother died to cope with the pain. I suppose a little back history will be needed...he has bipolar, personality disorders, rough childhood (father was a pastor...typical preacher kid syndrome. His mom told him he is the reason she never got to finish college. His little brother got most of the attention. He didn't have a lot of friends until high school when he began to drink and smoke pot.
His girlfriend got pregnant when he was 18 and had the baby at 19. Yes they got married. He continued his partying...drinking, pot, strip clubs, affairs, the works. Of course he dropped out of college to party too. BUT he has worked production jobs until almost 2 years ago to support his (now) ex-wife and children.
His mom died of cancer August 2007...never smoked, never drank, excellent health. Though they couldn't be in the same room together, he was sad and angry. He started taking the hydros that she had left over before his dad could throw them away. He said it helped him through her wake and funeral. He just kept doing it.
Fast forward a few years...he and his ex had more and more problems because of his addiction. He would steal her hydros (for Fybromyalgia) and 'rat hole' money to go buy more. I'm not proud to admit this, but we became friends because I needed Christmas money and he wanted to buy some. At that time I had no idea how badly addicted he was. I didn't know until after we got married.
He has stolen my hydros (I get them because of my back, elbows, and knees), stolen cash from my purse, stolen money from my kids rooms (because they are forgetful and wouldn't realize they didn't lose it), stolen money from our account, gotten paychecks cashed I knew nothing about and went to get family things (like pizza) and end up meeting someone to buy them. He even gets his father to wire him money by saying that we need something and do not have money. His dad sends it and my husband never tells me it was sent. We have had blow ups before. But Monday I had my fill. He got his father to send him $100 to put tires on our van (that is falling apart). He bought $100 worth of pills and was taking mine.
Now, in his defense he does need them. That is where I am confused and don't know what to do. He physically needs them. Regular meds don't touch his pain. He has severe flat foot and will need to have surgery in a few month for the pain in his feet, legs, and back. I think the dr said they will have to reset his heel and lengthen his Achilles tendon. Suboxone doesn't work for that kind of chronic pain. Many years ago he abused methadone.
I've given him an ultimatum. Our family or the pills. I know an addict has to do it for themselves, but he has no will power in anything he does. I'm so worried he will relapse. If he does, what do I do? Do I stick to my word? I know relapse happen often...Please help...any advice...I'm tired of being hurt, and angry, and every other emotion from A to Z